Two Months

The kiss was tentative and soft. A mere echo of our previous touches. Apparently Kody could tell that too and he wasn’t having it. He reached down to lift me off of the counter. I sighed, allowing his tongue to tangle with mine as I wrapped my legs around his strong back. I had forgotten how much I loved his touch. It was like crack, nearly impossible to break an addiction from because eventually you’d go crawling back.

We both knew where this was going and neither one of us made a move to stop it. I kissed down his neck while he carried me up the stairs and into my room. He dropped me on my bed and I giggled at his urgency as he ripped off my clothing. I reached over to turn off the television as his eyes hungrily roamed my body. I walked to where he was standing slowly and sucked on his bottom lip.

“No fair. You’re still dressed.” I pouted, pulling away just as he moaned and attempted to hold me closer.

He growled possessively, yanking me back into his arms. I melted into him, almost wanting to cry at his perfect touch. Kody let me slip away just long enough to get his shirt and jeans off. I walked back to my bed, reclining on my elbows, before looking up at him innocently.

“Care to join me?”

And just like that we were back to animal instinct. I clawed at every inch of skin I could find as his lips created intricate patterns and goose bumps across my body. I reveled in his silky smooth touch. It was a good hour before either of us even attempted to come up for air. We left our outfits in piles on the floor, only resorting to be covered with the bare necessities. I slowly breathed in his musky, manly smell as he cradled me in his strong arms.

“I missed you, Lil.” Kody whispered against my knotted locks.

I didn’t respond. It was my fault we were here after all. I had instigated it. And now I was obviously going to have to deal with the consequences. I just snuggled deeper into his embrace, praying he wouldn't say what I knew was coming next. Or at least he would keep it locked inside for a little while longer.

…I never love nobody fully,
Always one foot on the ground.
And by protecting my heart truly,
I got lost in the sounds…

“Don’t answer that.” He mumbled in my ear, nuzzling into my neck.

“I have to.” I responded, trying unsuccessfully to pull away. This distraction was exactly what I needed in order to kick him out.

“No you don’t. If it’s anyone important they’ll call your house phone.”

…And it breaks my heart.
And it breaks my heart.
It breaks my heart…

I turned around so I was facing Kody. He looked so sure. So sure that we were going to get back together. So sure that I was his again. So sure that nothing would ever come between us ever again. I sighed. I knew this had been a bad idea.

“Please, Lily? Please, don’t answer that.”

I reached my hand up, as if I was going to stroke his cheek. He smiled. Instead I reached behind him and pressed the green button on my phone, bringing it to my ear.

“Hello?”

“Lily? It’s Dr. Fields. Is now a good time?”

I glanced at Kody who had retracted his arms from my waist. His eyes held hurt. Not much I could do about that now though.

“Yes, now is fine.”

“I’m calling about your test results. I’m afraid I’ve got some troubling news.”

Internally, I completely sunk. Externally, only my head did, forcing my gaze to zero in on my bare legs.

“Go on.”

“It appears that you’ve contracted pneumonia.”

My heart stopped dead in my chest. My eyes expanded with anguish and fear. So this was it then. The final blow. Not only had I reached my maximum life expectancy, I now had pneumonia. An infection that would likely cause my death.

“How bad is it?”

“I’m going to be honest with you, Lily. It’s not good. You’ve had the infection for a while now. I’m surprised you haven’t been showing very obvious symptoms. I’m not sure how much treatment we’ll be able to offer you.”

I swallowed reflexively. The absolute truth was that I had been showing symptoms. But I knew that something like this was going to happen eventually. Why prolong the inevitable? All the doctors knew that the chance of me surviving into adulthood was impossible.

“Thank you, Dr. Fields. But you know that won’t be necessary. I’ve made my choice.” I almost whispered.

“Of course. And, Lily,” his voice became softer, more human, “I’m truly, very sorry dear. If you need anything just give me a call.”

“Okay. Goodbye, Dr. Fields.”

“Goodbye, Lillian.”

And with that final click of the telephone I heard the last nail in my coffin seal the lid shut.

“What was that all about? Who is Dr. Fields? What choice are you talking about?”

I had completely forgotten about Kody sitting in nothing but his boxers just inches away from me. I locked my mask into place before looking up from my lap and into his anxious eyes.

“Lily? Tell me what’s going on.”

“It’s nothing, Kody. I told you I was sick remember? Well I went to see a doctor and he was just calling me back with some test results.”

“Oh.” Some of the concern faded from his rich eyes. “Well what were the test results?”

“I’ve just got a cold, exactly what I told you I had. He wanted me to start on some antibiotics, but you know me. Enough rest and Dayquil and I’ll be back to normal in no time.” I forced a smile.

Kody nodded his head. I could tell that he wanted to lecture me and tell me to just take the damn antibiotics, but he knew me too well. That fight would get him nowhere but in the doghouse. Instead, he reached for me again. I skirted out of his arms and off of the bed.

“Y’know, it’s getting kinda late. My mom will probably be home soon and I’d really hate for her to find us like this.”

“Okay, I get it, Lil. Just like the old days, right?” He smiled and bent to retrieve his clothing.

I threw on his sweatshirt before we walked downstairs. We stopped at the door. I waited nervously to see if this was going to become awkward or not.

“Are you sure you don’t want your sweatshirt back?”

“Positive.” He swooped down and planted a soft kiss on my forehead. Then he kissed my lips lightly. “Goodbye, Lily.”

“Bye.”

I opened the door for him, grateful to have escaped from what I was sure he was going to say. I watched him walk down the front steps before he turned and looked at me. He ran back up to the door and cupped my chin before kissing me like he used to. He smiled, his eyes still closed, and I knew it was coming.

“I love you, Lillian Lish.”

I mentally cringed at his words. The words I had tried so desperately to avoid because I knew I wouldn’t be able to return them without feeling deceitful. True, I did love Kody Marks with every fiber of my being, but I had no right to.

I just nodded and smiled before watching him drive off in his truck that I loved and missed so much. Then I shut the door and broke down into shameless sobs on the floor.