Love Me

There was a guy that I loved with all of my heart, someone I loved more than life itself. He was nice, kind, and caring, not to mention drop-dead-gorgeous. I loved how the sun reflected his sandy blond hair with a golden tint, how it polished his immaculately tanned skin. But what I loved the most was how his eyes shone with love that could warm anybody’s heart, the stars in his emerald eyes with evident love.

But it was not directed to me.

His name was David, and he was my best friend since pre-school. We were childhood friends. We’d gone to school together, had afternoon tea together, and we’d grown up together, but we had never dated each other, not even a pity date or a friend date.

Not once.

Perhaps it was because we had been together for too long that he had thought of me as a sister instead of a girl, a woman, a person to show his romantic love to. Yet, I didn’t mind. Honestly, I didn’t. The most important thing was I could stay beside him, to be with him.

At least, until she came into the picture.

It was an ordinary school day for both of us. We joked, we laughed, all the usual stuffs. We were late, so we were running for our fifth lesson. Suddenly, he bumped into someone.

‘Hey, watch where you’re go---‘ He had stopped in the middle of the sentence. I wondered why then, as he was in an irritated mood for being late. I should have known better; it was love, awe, adoration.

I stood beside him, extending my hand to him, which he ignored without even a single glance. Curious, I turned to look at the person in front of him.

I nearly gasped out loud.

The girl was beyond beautiful, and more graceful than any pictures or sculpture of an angel I had ever seen, maybe she was one herself. I did not know. Her wavy light blond hair framed her heart-shaped face like a ring of halo; deep sapphire orbs---an exact opposite of my pale blue eyes---were adorned by the innocence she possessed; her skin was peachy in color, smooth and flawless, unlike my pale complex, deadly white without any blood, as if I was a corpse; her lips were full and rosy, while mine were thin and colorless.

‘I’m sorry,’ a delicate voice said, soft and gentle like wind-chimes.

The angel lifted her head, staring at both David and me with her brightly lit eyes. She stood up, and lent her petite hand to David, who accepted with his widened eyes. He stood a head taller than her, the perfect couple’s height. Perhaps they were meant to be from the very beginning.

I pulled my hand to my side, feeling stupid attempting to help him when he did not want my help. It felt awkward, it was foolish.

It was wrong to believe in such a naïve thought.

I was horror-stroke. He did not need me.

Since then, nothing was the same anymore. David would always accompanied her to classes, walked her home, and other things that a guy would do when he was in love. But I had been too blind to notice. And now, it’s all too late. Realization didn’t hit me until he told me how he had fallen in love with her. It was love at first sight, he said.

He loved her, not me; he might have needed me, but he wanted her. I was replaced, abandoned.

Before long, I had begun to spend less time with David, as he started to spend more time with Angela, a fitting name for her. Whenever we had those rare moments together, his mind would still linger with Angela, not me. He’d talk about her all day long, and time slipped by.

Today was one of those rare days of spending time together. I checked the clock; I had five minutes left. Washing my face, I was trying to wash away the ink on my cheeks. The night before, I had just discovered David and Angela was officially a couple. He had written on his internet dairy about gathering courage and asked Angela to be his girlfriend, who, in turn, had confessed that she had a crush on him too. He even posted some pictures of them. I guessed he was coming over today to announce their relationship.

They had a happily ever after, I had nothing.

Was it really wrong to love him? Was I trash compared to her? Was I so insignificant that he had forgotten today was my birthday?

After the shocking discovery, I printed out their photos. My printer malfunctioned, which explained why there was ink on my face, and why the photo was enlarged, but I thought it was better.

I wiped my face, deciding that the little left-over ink did not matter to me. Quickly, I applied mascara and light make up, however I didn’t put too much so the ink was still visible.

Three minutes left. I opened the crumpled photo again, and torn out Angela’s lips. David had always told me how he’d want to try and kiss her lips, and he had describe how it was on his blog. He said there was a rush of warm feeling, also known as love.

I wanted to call him and yell, ‘My lips can do that to you too! If only you will try.’

Placing the tattered paper in front of my own lips, I imagined what it would feel like if David kissed me. Would he being willing to kiss me if I had her lips?

‘Love me, David,’ I murmured.

‘Mandy?’ David voice rung in the corridor. Surprised by his abrupt appearance, I dropped the piece of paper. Immediately I reached for the razor next to the sink, and slash it across my wrist, like how I had planned to be. Blood flowed freely out of my veins, my life-fluid started to paint my dress red.

Footsteps approached. ‘Mandy?’ David called. I slashed across my wrist again, this time succeed in creating a deeper wound. Blood flowed faster, streams of them running down my arm. I slumped against the wall, as my head was getting dizzy. Black and navy stars bordered my vision, dancing everywhere.

‘’Mandy? Mandy!’ David ran to my side, hugging me close to his chest. ‘Oh god, Mandy. Why?’

Tears made their ways out of my eyes, as well as his. I couldn’t help but to feel sad because I knew I was departing, leaving him, yet the thought of being free from all the troubles excited me. People say it’s dumb to cry over a boy, but I’d say it was worth the world to cry over my boy.

‘I love you…David,’ I whispered.

‘What? I can’t hear you, Mandy. Damn, don’t you dare close your eyes…’ David’s voice died down, despite I saw his lips moving to form words. I wanted to lift my hand, but I was too weak to do so. There wasn’t a will written, I didn’t want anyone to worry about me. I didn’t want to be anyone’s burden, especially not David's.

I succumbed to the darkness as it pushed down on me.

Love me, not her, David.

Love me.