Love, Aspen

As I followed Aaron, Nick and Adam out of the rehearsal room and told them good night, I wiped the sweat out of my eyes. My hair was stuck to my face with sweat and I saw Aspen and Aly were sitting at the counter, stringing beads onto bracelets and tying knots in the string. I laughed and walked up behind Aspen.

“Did you make me anything?” I asked.

She jumped slightly and turned around to look at me, sitting sideways in her chair. “Did you make me anything?”

Aly turned to face me now as well, “Yeah are you guys gonna show us your amazing recordings?”

Craig walked out of the room and came into the kitchen, opening up the fridge and pulling out a beer. He popped it open and drank at least half of it before smacking his lips and setting it down on the counter. “Not tonight, Al. They aren’t finished.”

Aspen shrugged. “So what? We’re not allowed to listen to the rough draft?”

I cut off Craig before he unleashed his entire speech about why he never lets anyone listen to something unless it’s finished. “Craig doesn’t like the unfinished product to be leaked.” I explained, “He thinks that it takes away from the actual song.”

She nodded. “Makes sense.”

“Well.” I said, “You two done making bracelets? I’m beat and we should probably head back to my place and get you all settled in.”

Aspen laughed and pulled a bracelet off the counter. “Hold up your wrist.”

“Aspen. I was just kidding when I said—“

“I realize that. But I made you something. Now hold up your wrist.”

I held up my wrist and watched as she tied a bracelet made out of several types of knots and colors. She knotted it several times and then tugged on it and tried yanking it off my hand before she was satisfied with how it fit. I turned my wrist over and examined the bracelet. I wasn’t necessarily one who wore bracelets, but it wasn’t ugly and it wasn’t feminine looking, so I didn’t mind it.

“What, does this mean I’m your best friend?” I asked sarcastically.

She tilted her head at me slightly and smirked. “You’re my only friend, Matt.”

“Did you make me one?” Craig asked, slinking up to Aly’s side.

She giggled and pushed him away. “You’re too manly with your beard to be wearing bracelets.”

“Oh you think I’m manly, huh?” He laughed, then growled. “I wasn’t manly enough for you the other night.”

“Craig!” She laughed embarrassedly and pushed him away.

I snickered slightly and grabbed Aspen by the arm, dragging her off the chair. “We’ll be seeing you guys later.”

“Bye!” They both yelled in unison, “Nice meeting you Aspen!”

Craig agreed, “Yeah nice meeting you!”

I grabbed my jacket and passed it to Aspen, who pulled it on halfway before starting to take it off and giving it back to me. “Why did you give me your jacket?”

I shoved it back at her, “It’s cold outside.”

“You’re going to get cold.” She mumbled.

I laughed, shoving her out of the door. “I’m sweating from every pore in my body. I think I’ll be all right.”

As I closed the door behind us, I reached into my pocket to grab my pack of cigarettes but realized they weren’t there. That was when I looked up at Aspen and saw her sneaking one in between her lips and grinning at me, holding one in my direction.

I sighed, taking it from her. “I have come to the conclusion that you will never stop stealing my cigarettes.”

“I never steal them Matt. I just ask if I can have one and you always say yes.”

“You didn’t ask this time.” I laughed.

“You gave them to me. They were in your jacket.” She grinned, nudging me in the shoulder.

I shook my head, still laughing as she stopped to light her cigarette. She passed me the lighter and I lit mine and we walked in silence for a while. The only thing that could be heard was our footsteps on the side walk and the inhaling and exhaling of our breath. As we both finished our cigarettes and crossed another street, Aspen started to get antsy and looked around her.

“Matt, are we almost there?”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “You see that big house over there? The one with all the lights on?”

“Yeah?”

“That’s my house.”

“Bullshit,” She laughed.

“I’m serious!”

“Fuck off.”

I let out a mouthful of smoke, letting it trickle from my bottom lip, “I am a rich man and I own a big house.”

She slapped me playfully on the shoulder and stepped away from me, tripping on the side of the curb and falling to the ground. I reached out a hand to help her, but I was laughing so hard that I couldn’t get a good grip on her hand. Once she was standing up, she shoved her cigarette back in her mouth and started to limp away from me.

“Aspen!” I laughed, “I’m sorry!”

She turned around with a grin on her face, her middle finger in the air.

It was weird, to be so comfortable around her so soon. It’s always a struggle for me to be comfortable around girls, but with Aspen it was just different. I’m not sure if it was because I had known her for so long, or because she wasn’t someone I was particularly interested in, but it was nice. It was nice being with someone who I could be myself around.

She continued to walk away from me, not bothering to wait so that I could direct her where she should be going. I caught up to her, still laughing slightly. We came around a corner and stopped at the apartment complex. I grabbed her by the forearm and pulled her across the street with me and underneath the stairs to my door. I pulled my keys out of my pocket and jammed them into the door, unlocking it and pushing it open. Once we were inside, I became slightly embarrassed. I had completely forgotten to clean up around the place before I left to go get Aspen and my apartment was dirty.

She stood behind me, flicking the light on. “Matt could you move? So I can close the door?”

“Yeah.”

I moved out of the way and walked into the living room, picking up dishes, clothes, throwing trash in the garbage and doing my best to make it nonchalant. But I think I ruined that whole façade by how fast I had been moving, because it didn’t take long for Aspen to catch on.

“Matt?” She laughed, grabbing a t shirt off the back of my couch. “Your apartment is a fucking pit.”

“I know, I know.” I paused, pushing open the laundry room door and throwing the armful of clothes on the floor, next to the growing mountain of clothes.

She plopped down on the couch and didn’t bother asking for pajamas before closing her eyes. “Do you have a blanket I can use?”

“Um, yeah.” I went into my room and searched all over for a blanket, finally grabbing the one off my bed and giving it to her.

She curled up on the couch with it and smiled. “Good night Matt.”

“Um. Night Aspen.”

I quickly turned off the light and closed my bedroom door, turning on my bed stand light and laying down on my bed in my clothes. I looked over at the clock, realizing that it was almost one in the morning. I hadn’t realized that we had been practicing for that long. I got up off the bed slowly and went into the bathroom to shower. Once I was done, I changed clothes and lay down on my coverless bed, pulling on my sweat shirt and putting the hood over my head, closing my eyes.

------------------------------------------------------

I looked around the room in a daze, my eyes focusing on a shape that was leaned over on the side of my bed. I sat up quickly and rubbed my eyes, clicking on my bed side light and squinting from the brightness.

“Aspen?” I croaked, “What are you doing?”

She looked at me, her eyes red around the rims like she had been crying. She had taken off her jeans and was wearing a pair of my boxers and the white t shirt from Aly. I noticed she had removed her bra when she stood up fully, I could see her nipples peeking through her shirt.

She threw the blanket over me and crawled in underneath it, keeping her distance from me. I heard her sniff lightly and wipe her face. “I just had a night mare is all.”

I reached over and turned the light off, still half awake. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” She paused, moving slightly in the bed. “Why don’t you have a blanket on your bed? Aren’t you freezing?”

I shrugged, pulling it up underneath my chin, “I gave it to you.”

She laughed. “You could have just told me to fuck off. Jesus Matt, you didn’t have to give me your only blanket.”

I shrugged again. “Oh well.” I paused. “Sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Not yet.”

I nodded. “Well good night then.”

“Night Matt.”

I listened to her breathing soften and I wasn’t sure if she was asleep yet, but I merely closed my eyes and thought about all day. I had slept for three hours, so I wasn’t ready to get up yet, but my mind was reeling with Aspen lying next to me. I was so weird having her so close to me after so long. We used to sleep in the same bed together all of the time, but it just seemed so different now.

Despite us being so close when we were teenagers, or us sleeping in the same bed together, we never had sex with each other or did anything together. I think that I was Aspen’s emotional crutch. Come to think of it, Aspen never really had sex with anyone. She spent a lot of time being drunk and tweaked out on drugs all the time, but she never really slept around with anyone. I had never caught her having sex with anyone and every time we even talked about sex, she got all tense about it. It was a touchy subject with her and I soon learned not to even ask her about it.

I’d always get shit about being with Aspen all the time from other guys we went to school with. They’d always be asking me if I fucked her, and I’d tell them no. Then they’d all laugh to themselves, like they didn’t believe me. One kid even said, “Well fuck she isn’t having sex with any of us, she’s gotta be having sex with you!”

And I guess that’s why a lot of guys never really tried picking up on Aspen. I think that they didn’t want to get past that barrier, but even if they tried, they wouldn’t have been able to. Fuck, I couldn’t even get past that barrier. Not that I wanted to have sex with Aspen, but she wouldn’t even talk about it with me.

I sighed and rolled over in bed, facing Aspen’s back. Her dyed hair swept across her neck and landed on her shoulder. I made myself a mental note to ask her why the fuck she dyed her red hair to another shade of red. It made absolutely no sense to me.

But I guess nothing about Aspen really made any sense to me. She was always so mysterious and never really opened up about things. That was why she had me, because I could take care of her without wanting to know why she needed to be taken care of. I still wasn’t so sure about her living with me, I wasn’t sure I could afford it, but I couldn’t let a girl like her go to waste. She’s got the potential to be a functioning person in society; she just needed someone to give her a chance.