Love, Aspen

I rolled over in Matt’s bed, putting an arm over my eyes. I expected to roll right into him, but he wasn’t there. I mumbled to myself and sat up, rubbing my eyes and trying to adjust to the bit of light that was streaming through the blinds. I looked around the room for Matt and didn’t see him. So I got out of the bed, wrapping the blanket around my body. I came out to the living room to see that he wasn’t there. The whole entire apartment was still a mess, but I ignored it and sat down on the couch, waiting a few minutes for Matt to come inside when I noticed the note on the table. I picked up the small piece of paper in my finger and read it.

Aspen,

I had to run over to Craig’s to practice for a little while. I didn’t want to wake you up. Please be nice to my apartment. See you when I get home. I left a couple cigarettes on the counter for you. You can use the toaster to light them.

Matt

I rolled my eyes and smiled slightly, setting the note on the table. I sat back on the couch and rubbed my face again, the blanket falling to either sides of me. I looked around the apartment, becoming slightly disgusted. Matt had never been extremely clean, but he’d never been this dirty either. The apartment was fucking gross. There was cigarette ashes and dust covering the coffee table. The couch smelled like it had been laid on by four dogs. The kitchen was covered in dishes, the bathroom had hair all over it, a ring around the tub. And you couldn’t even open the door to the fucking laundry room because there were so much god damn clothes in it.

I sighed loudly and stood up. I walked over to Matt’s CD player and turned it on, playing with the CDs. I finally found a mix CD and settled on it, setting it at a reasonable volume and going into the bathroom. I rummaged through the drawers for something to tie my hair up with, and to my surprise I found a pony tail. And I got to work. I started a load of laundry and scrubbed the bathroom with the bleach that I had found in the laundry room. Once I was done with that, I moved on to the kitchen. I threw as many dishes into the dishwasher as I could. I pulled trash bags out from under the sink and scrubbed under there. I threw out all of Matt’s old food (which wasn’t much seeing as how he was shit poor). I cleaned out the trash can. I threw the load of laundry in the dryer. I started another load and moved on to clean the living room. I dusted the TV, the table, opened the blinds, wrestled the vacuum out of the closet and vacuumed the entire apartment. I folded the laundry and put it away. Started another load. And finally I got to work on Matt’s room.

I pulled a whole bunch of shit out from underneath his bed. I found a box of paper. Just tons and tons of lined paper, words filling every god damn page. And I read some of it. After realizing it was just a bunch of diary entries, of love letters written to some girl named Courtney, I threw them all back in the box. It was none of my business to be reading his personal shit, no matter how much it interested me. I wouldn’t want him reading anything of mine, so I put it away safely and proceeded to finish up my last jobs.

By the time Matt had walked through the door, I had the entire apartment vacuumed, I had put away four loads of laundry and was currently folding the fifth. I had just unloaded the dish washer and wiped all the counters down and there were two trash bags sitting on the floor in the kitchen. I was singing quietly to what sounded a lot like Matt’s voice and carrying piles of clothes from the living room to his closet.

He walked in slowly and went into the kitchen first. Not saying a word, he picked up the two trash bags and walked back out of the apartment. I watched as he walked them to the dumpster and walked slowly back. When he came through the door the second time, his face was slightly red from the cold. Or embarrassment; I couldn’t really tell. I picked up the last six shirts that were on hangers and took them to his closet. I had managed to let some light in his room by opening all the blinds. As I came back out into the living room, singing quietly, he had this funny look on his face. I turned the music down and smiled at him.

“What?”

He picked up the two cigarettes resting on the counter and pointed at me with them. “You mean to tell me that you cleaned my entire house and didn’t smoke one cigarette?”

I shrugged, grabbing one from him. “I got busy.” I paused. “Wanna smoke with me?”

He nodded and followed me outside. I pulled my knees up to cover my chest and held my cigarette towards him as he lit it. He lit his own and then looked out towards the street. I sat on the ground, the wind nipping at me slightly. I didn’t mind it too much; I had gotten hot after cleaning so much.

“How long did that take you?”

“I don’t know. I started right when I got up.” I paused. “I’m guessing like three, maybe four hours?”

He nodded. “Thanks.”

I didn’t say anything, just merely looked up at him. He wasn’t looking at me. He was still staring out at the street. His brown hair was slightly greasy, hanging around his face in a mess. His eyes were focused on something far away, the blue in them so serious. He lifted his cigarette to his lips, which were slightly chapped; and took a drag. As he exhaled, he turned his head to look at me. He smiled through the smoke. I couldn’t help but smile back. His front teeth were slightly crooked, but not so crooked it gave him an ugly smile.

I put my cigarette out on the ground and sighed, leaning my head back. “Matt. I’m so fucking hungry and you have nothing to eat.”

He laughed, holding his hand out towards me. “Come on, I’m sure we can find something.”

I followed him inside, carefully pulling my hand out of his and sitting down on the couch as he rummaged through the cabinets. He sighed loudly. “You’re right. I don’t have anything to eat.”

“Do you have any money? So we can buy some food?”

“I might have some. Why don’t you go take a shower and I’ll call up the bank to see how much I’ve got in there.”

“Okay.”

I walked into the bathroom and grabbed a towel out of the closet, starting up the shower. I felt bad for asking Matt to buy me some food. It wasn’t his responsibility to make sure I was fed, but I’m not sure how he even survived, there was literally no food in his apartment at all. As I undressed myself and stepped under the hot water, I felt so relieved. It felt so fucking good to be taking a shower that was hot, knowing that I could stand under the water until it was cold if I wanted to. But I didn’t. So I washed and got out. I dried myself and wrapped the towel around my body before walking into Matt’s room.

The door was cracked open just barely and I could hear Matt on the phone even though he was doing his best to be quiet.

“Mom, I just need to borrow like fifty bucks. I need to go grocery shopping.” He paused. “Yes I told you that I was going to take Aspen in. Oh okay.” He snapped. “You’re not going to give me any money as long as she’s living in my house. Real mature. Okay, thanks a lot Mom. Bye.”

He hung up the phone and let out a noise of frustration and then slammed his fists on the table. I heard him open the sliding glass door and close it. I figured he must have decided to go smoke another cigarette.

I closed the door all the way and reached into Matt’s dresser, pulling out a pair of his underwear. I pulled them on and rolled them up at the top so that they fit at least a little bit. Luckily, the pair of jeans that I had worn yesterday had gone through the wash. I pulled them on and buttoned them over the rolled up underwear I had on and then put on the cheap bra. I went into Matt’s closet and grabbed one of his black t shirts, pulling it on. I walked into the bathroom and used his deodorant, then proceeded to brush my hair out with my fingers. I was walking into his room to grab some socks when he came in from outside.

He opened up his bedroom door, walking over to me and tugging on the rolled up underwear sticking out of the top of the too big pants I was wearing. “Are you wearing my underwear?” He laughed.

“I don’t have any!” I mumbled.

He sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed and laying back. “This was not a good idea, Aspen.”

“What wasn’t?”

“Letting you come live here.”

I didn’t say anything. What was that supposed to mean? Was he going to send me back? Kick me out so that his mom would give him some money?

He sat up. “It’s not that it was a bad idea.” He sighed. “I just wasn’t prepared. There is nothing to eat, I don’t have money to buy food,” He paused, laughing slightly. “You’re wearing my fucking rolled up underwear because you have no clothes.”

I laughed with him, sitting down on the bed. “You didn’t have to.”

He looked over at me. “I know.”

After a few quiet minutes, I looked at him. “Why did you?”

“Why did I agree to letting you live with me?” He asked.

I nodded.

He shrugged. “I don’t know Aspen. I’ve always kind of took care of you. I couldn’t just ignore you. Obviously you had fucking no one to call if you called me.”

I nodded again.

“How did you remember my number anyway? That was like a year and a half ago.”

I shrugged. There was a reason why I was able to remember it; but I wasn’t about to tell him that. “I don’t know. I called you a lot.”

He nodded, sitting up and tapping me on the knee. “That you did.” He looked around the room and turned to me. “Aspen I know you’re tired, but can I ask you a favor?”

“You want me to go panhandling?” I joked.

He shoved me with his shoulder. “I was thinking more like job hunting.”

I laughed. “Yeah okay Matt.”

“I’m serious Aspen. If you’re going to live here, you’re going to have to at least help me out with the bills.” He said, clearing his throat.

I could tell he was nervous about saying that. I could tell it was something he didn’t necessarily want to say, mostly because he wasn’t confrontational in the least bit; but the one thing that pissed me off the most was the fact that I knew his mom had said that to him. And his mom didn’t like me. And that made me mad.

“You’re only saying that because your fucking mom told you to.” I snapped.

“Aspen.” He said lightly. “Don’t you think that’s fair? You’re not doing anything else.”

I stood up. “I fucking cleaned your entire house Matt! I worked my ass off today!”

“And I said thank you.” He replied calmly. “But your cleaning isn’t going to make us any money.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and ignored him. “I don’t want to get a fucking job.”

“Actually.” He paused. “Maybe your cleaning could make us money.”

“I don’t want a job!”

“You could charge like 8 bucks an hour. Come on Aspen, it can’t be that hard.” He sighed. “I helped you out, can you at least try to help me out?”

I rolled my eyes. He was right. I owed him everything.

“Fine.”