Love, Aspen

I jumped up in Matt’s bed, startled by the pounding at the door. I immediately crossed my legs and rubbed my face roughly. I looked through the spaces in my fingers at Matt, who was still sleeping next to me. I mumbled incoherently to myself and looked at the clock. It was only ten in the morning and we hadn’t gone to sleep until at least four or five hours ago, because of my night mare problem. The pounding at the door came again and I threw the blanket off of me, walking out of Matt’s room and to the front door. I stuck my eye in the peephole to see some guy roundabout my age standing just outside the door. I grabbed the handle and twisted it, pulling it back. The cold air bit at my skin and I quickly crossed my arms over my chest to cover any sign of me being cold.

“Hi.” I yawned.

His face immediately became red and he smiled sheepishly. “Am I at the wrong place?”

I shrugged. “Who you looking for?”

“Matt.”

“Then no.” I smiled, moving my leg to hold open the door. “Come in, he’s still sleeping. I’ll go get him up.”

I left him in the living room and walked back into Matt’s room, closing the door behind me. I crawled back into the bed and immediately wrapped my arms around Matt and pressed my stomach against his back. He moved in his sleep and mumbled.

“Get off me. You’re freezing.”

“There’s some kid in the living room looking for you. He has black hair and he’s dressed like Tommy Lee.” I replied.

It didn’t take long for Matt to get out of bed and walk into the living room. I heard both of them greeting each other and then doing quick bro hug. I then sighed and realized I should probably go out there if I didn’t want to look like a complete asshole. I grabbed Matt’s sweatshirt off the floor and pulled it on, walking into the living room.

“Sorry for waking you up.” Tommy Lee look alike said.

I smiled at him. “No big deal. I’m Aspen by the way.”

He took my hand. “Andy.”

Now that I was fully awake, I was actually seeing this kid standing in front of me. He was clearly Andy Six, some guy who’d been friends with Matt for a couple of years. If I was guesstimating right, he was only nineteen. I let go of his hand and shoved my hands into my jacket pocket, smiling just slightly.

“Well shit, how are you?” Matt asked, “Sit down.”

Andy sat down next to him and I walked in between them into the kitchen, grabbing myself a glass of water. I sat on the couch by Matt and listened to their conversation. Most of it was just bullshitting and old inside jokes and shit. I honestly felt a little out of place, so I left my water on the table and walked back into Matt’s room without saying anything. I crawled back into Matt’s bed and closed my eyes, falling asleep without even bothering to eavesdrop on the conversation any longer.

I woke up hours later. I rolled over in Matt’s bed and cracked one eye to look at the clock. It was already five. I’d slept all fucking day. I got up and stretched, groaning loudly, then remembering that Andy might still be there, I quieted down. I went into the bathroom and started up the shower, not bothering to check and see if Matt and Andy were still there. Once in the shower, I let the water run over my body. It seemed that no matter how much I slept, I still felt like I was going to pass out any second. I tugged at a piece of my hair. It really was starting to look terrible. I’d dyed it just before I’d gotten arrested. It was a naturally red to begin with, but I decided I wanted a more extreme red. So now that it was fading, it looked like serious shit. And there wasn’t much I could do about it.

I got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my body. I debated on getting dressed in my cleaning clothes, but decided against it. I was tired and it was too late to be going around begging for money with a bottle of Windex in my hand. I dropped my towel and tore open the package of underwear Matt had brought home the other day. They were ugly and I’m pretty sure he pulled them out of the kid’s section, but they fit so I wasn’t complaining. I grabbed my bra and pulled it on. I then pulled on one of Matt’s t shirts and pulled on a pair of the jeans that Aly had given me. I walked back out into the living room to see that it was empty.

I walked around to the counter and grabbed one of the few cigarettes Matt had left for me and looked around for a note, but there wasn’t one. I lit my cigarette with the toaster and walked onto the back porch. The wind nipped at my arms and my hair was still wet, so it didn’t take long for me to start shivering. As I let out a breath of smoke, a car came flying into the subdivision. It was a little Mazda and had a loud muffler, one of those little rice burner cars. I looked closer at the car and realized it was Matt driving and Andy sitting in the passenger’s seat. I walked over to where they were parking and smiled, laughing slightly.

They both got out, Matt grinning from ear to ear.

“Matt, what the hell is this?” I laughed, blowing out smoke.

“This.” Andy said, smacking the hood of the car. “Is my Mazda 323. It’s missing the back window and the power steering is out, but it’s a fucking beast.”

“Why is Matt driving it?”

Andy shrugged. “I’ve been on tour for a while now and I figured I’d give it to Matt so he can get around easier.”

I looked at Matt. “Now you can teach me how to drive!”

He laughed, tossing the keys back at Andy. “I already told you I’m not taking it. It’s your car.”

He threw them back at Matt. “I already told you that I have no use for it right now. If I need it back, I’ll just ask for it back and you can always tell me no.”

Matt shook his head, but jammed the keys in his pocket nonetheless. He pulled out his pack of cigarettes and Andy pulled out his. They both lit their cigarettes as I was putting mine out. I wrapped my arms around myself and my teeth chattered together a couple times.

Andy looked over at me. “Are you cold?”

“Kind of.” I laughed. “I’m fine.”

He tucked his smoke in between his lips and started pulling off his jacket, “Here, you can just wear this.”

“No, I’m fine.” I said again.

“No really.” He said, talking with the cigarette in his mouth. “I’m wearing like ten jackets, just take this one.”

He handed it to me and I took it reluctantly, pulling it on. I zipped up the front and looked towards Matt, who was staring down at my uncovered feet. “Aspen, why aren’t you wearing shoes?”

“Yeah.” Andy agreed. “And your hair is wet. No wonder you’re cold.”

I laughed loudly, “Thanks Mom and Dad.” I shrugged. “I was just coming out for a cigarette really quick and then you two pulled up.”

Matt nodded at me. “Well listen, we’re celebrating tonight because D.R.U.G.S is finally getting ready to release an album, so since you showed up out of nowhere,” he said, looking at Andy, “Why don’t you come with us and you can hang out over there for a while?”

“Sure, that sounds cool.”

I looked from Matt to Andy and back to Matt again. “So am I uninvited?”

“From what I hear, it isn’t a party unless you’re there.” Andy laughed, flashing his blue eyes at me.

I felt my face go red as I tried to play it off. “I’m not a big partier anymore.”

“That’s because you haven’t been to any parties lately.” Matt laughed.

“Oh fuck you Matt.” I said. “That’s not true!”

“Bullshit it’s not.” He smiled, taking a drag off his cigarette.

I merely ignored him and turned to face Andy, who still had the remains of a smirk on his face. He said something to Matt, not really paying attention to me anymore. He really was good looking. His eyes were a gorgeous blue color and his dark hair contrasted them. His face was put together perfectly and he had an amazing smile. And when he talked, his voice was so deep; it was sultry and almost sexy. I was too busy staring at him to realize that Matt was trying to get my attention. I felt a shove at my shoulder and I looked at Matt, who looked a little less than irritated with me.

“Go grab some shoes; we’re ready to go.”

I nodded, running inside the house. I quickly pulled some socks onto my freezing feet and pulled on a pair of Matt’s shoes. I went into the bathroom and ran Matt’s comb through my hair. It was still damp, but I didn’t have time to fuck around with it, so I tied a bandanna around it and made my way back out the front door after grabbing the remaining cigarettes on the counter.

I climbed in the backseat of the little Mazda and it rumbled, shaking the entire car as Matt started it. I couldn’t help but laugh, thinking of Andy driving it to school all the time. I sat back in the seat and the way to Craig’s house seemed so much shorter now that we could drive there.

By the time we got there, the sky was already dark. There were a few cars parked around the house, but not many. I was too busy looking at the front door when I got out of the car that I got my foot stuck in the seat belt.

“Shit!” I yelled out, reaching for the door, for anything to brace my fall. Unfortunately, I was unable to grab hold of anything and my hands caught me on the ground. I mumbled to myself as I heard snickers coming from Matt.

Andy reached down and grabbed my hands. I looked up at him and he smiled down at me, he wasn’t laughing, but I could tell he was slightly amused. “Are you alright?”

“Fucking peachy.” I snipped, standing up and brushing myself off. “Fucking great.”

It didn’t take long for Matt to wrap his arm around my shoulders and laugh in my ear quietly. “You trying to play damsel in distress?”

I pushed him away. “Go fuck yourself!”

He raised his hands up in front of his chest. “Don’t go getting all defensive now.”

Andy smiled, standing slightly away from us. “Matt, you’re such a dick.”

I could tell that he hadn’t heard what Matt had said to me, and he was only playing off of what I had just said and the fact that Matt was still laughing at me. As we walked inside, the music was playing loudly and there were people walking around with drinks in their hand. The sickly sweet smell of weed ran across my face and I looked over at Matt who raised his eyebrows. I followed him into the kitchen where he grabbed a drink and handed one to me.

I shook my head. “No thanks.”

“Oh right, I forgot you like bitch beer.” He paused. “You and your shots.”

“I’m not drinking.” I mumbled, giving Matt a strange look. “I thought I was supposed to behave from now on.”

He pulled me next to him, talking lowly in my ear. “Aspen, you’ve been good for almost a month now. It’s just a party at Craig’s. No one ever gets busted here. Just don’t get hammered. I don’t want to go looking for you later.”

He shoved the beer at me again and I took it. I watched as he walked away from me, leaving both Andy and me standing there like idiots. I handed the beer to him suggestively. He took it and cracked it open. I looked to my left and saw a bottle of Absolut vodka. I grabbed a shot glass and filled it to the top, pouring it down my throat, the alcohol almost burning the inside of my throat. I took a few more shots before turning to Andy, who had his eyebrows raised at me.

“You’re not a partier, huh?” He laughed.

I smiled at him, “I haven’t been drunk forever!”

The music became louder and he yelled, “Do you want to go smoke?”

“What?” I yelled back.

“Do you want to go smoke?”

I shook my head at him again, “I can’t hear—“

He leaned in close to me, his lips almost touching my ear and his breath against my neck. “I said, do you want to go smoke?”

My body tensed up and my mouth froze as he pulled away from me. I nodded. I was slightly dizzy, from the buzz of alcohol or from the noise, or from Andy being so close to me, I couldn’t tell. Maybe it was a combination of all three. Not to mention, I hadn’t eaten all day. I followed him outside and we huddled near the gate so we were protected by the wind. He lit a cigarette and then passed the lighter and pack to me.

I lit my own and let out a breath of smoke. “Thanks.”

He nodded. “So when did you move in with Matt?”

“About a month ago.” I paused. “Why?”

He shrugged. “Just wondering.” He was quiet again. “Are you guys like… You know?”

I laughed. “Together?”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

“No.” I said loudly, then quieter as I looked away from Andy, “We’re not.”

At that point, I wasn’t really sure what Matt and I were. We slept in the same bed together and we were definitely extremely close, and last night was weird. We’d been so close last night that if it weren’t for Andy showing up today, waking up together would have been more than awkward.

Andy nudged me in the shoulder. “Who’s that?”

I looked where he was pointing. Through the window, I could see Matt and Kelsey leaning in close together. She held a drink in one hand and had the other resting on his shoulder. They were both smiling at one another. Matt nodded and threw his head back, laughing. I felt almost angry as I looked at them. The last time I heard anything about them, Kelsey had basically told Matt to fuck off. But to each their own, I guess.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Some girl.”

Andy sensed the slight tension and put on his cigarette, blowing the smoke towards me. “Do you want to go back inside?”

I nodded, following him into the house. We stood next to each other awkwardly for a moment. I wasn’t really one for dancing and Andy seemed to be held down with too many chains on his belt to even move. I smiled at him as he pretended to dance, but all I could really do was keep looking back at Matt and Kelsey. They seemed to be getting closer and closer together every second.

“Are you okay?” Andy yelled over the music.

I shook my head. I was really starting to feel sick. My head was numb, I was angry, and the music was so loud I couldn’t even think. We were only about half an hour into the party and I had already started to look stupid.

But that didn’t seem to bother Andy any. He grabbed my forearm with a warm hand and guided me outside, this time out the front door. We sat down in the front yard and he passed me another cigarette. I shook my head and gave it back.

“No thanks.”

Andy sighed loudly, taking a drag off of his. We were both quiet for a long time until Andy asked, “Why were you in jail?”

“Arson.” I replied.

“What’d you light on fire?”

“A playground.” I said quietly.

“Why?”

I looked at him and watched smoke trickle from between his barely parted lips. And it wasn’t long before I had started to spill the entire story to someone I hardly even knew.