Love, Aspen

Matt woke me up by sticking a cigarette up my nose. I jerked away from him and held my hand up over my nose, my eyes still clamped shut in fear the sun would get through my lids.

“Matt.” I groaned, “Go away.”

“Are you gonna come smoke with me before we go to Mom’s?”

I shook my head. “Get the fuck out. I’m tired.”

“Come on.” He laughed.

“What time is it?”

“Eleven.”

“Jesus Christ, you asshole. We don’t even have to be at your mom’s until 4:30.”

I heard him chuckle again. “Fine. I’ll just go smoke by myself. I was going to swing by the store to get some more cigarettes. Did you want anything?”

“What I want is for you to get the fuck out of here.” I said, a playful grin on my face. “I’m trying to sleep and you’re bugging the shit out of me.”

“So you don’t want anything?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

I nodded, still half asleep. I heard him leave the room and stop at the front door to put his shoes on. “Matt.” I said quietly.

“Yes Aspen?”

“Will you get me a Kit Kat? And some sunflower seeds?”

“Anything to drink?”

I thought about it for a minute. “No. I’m alright.”

“Okay, I’ll see you when I get back.”

I didn’t say anything to him, just rolled over in bed and put my face on my forearm, closing my eyes again. I heard the keys jingling in his hand as he pulled open the front door and locked it behind him. I listened as the car started up, rumbling the entire street. I laughed quietly to myself and waited for him to leave. As soon as he was gone, I closed my eyes again and tried to go back to sleep. But it was really just fruitless attempts. Matt had woken my ass up and I wasn’t going to be able to sleep until it was dark outside. I threw the blankets off me and walked into the kitchen to grab the pack of cigarettes. I got all the way outside before I realized that the pack was empty. Matt must have taken the last one and then gone to get some more. I groaned and threw the pack in the grass, pondering what to do. The breeze flew past me, getting in my hair and causing it to tickle my shoulders. I stood up and walked back inside, going into the bedroom and tucking myself underneath the covers, waiting for Matt to get back.

It was roundabout fifteen minutes by the time he got back and as he came into the house, whistling. I smiled to myself.

“You still sleeping?” He said loudly, putting a plastic bag on the counter.

I didn’t say anything, remained rolled up in the covers in the bed and waited for him to come into the room. I heard his footsteps cross the living room and come into the bedroom where he leaned over me. I could feel his warm breath on my face, smelling like cigarette smoke and the tangy sweet smell of Red Bull. He put one arm on the other side of me and talked quietly into my ear.

“Aspen… Wake up.”

I ignored him further, waiting for the perfect chance to yell and scare him. Although, I didn’t get the chance because I soon felt his lips on forehead, and then my cheek. He left his mouth on my cheek for a few seconds until he moved to my lips and kissed them so softly, I almost couldn’t feel it. Taking my chance, I opened my eyes and put a hand on the side of his neck, kissing him back. I could tell that he was startled because he had no idea that I was awake, but he kissed me again. Harder this time. I pulled on his arm, getting his body on the bed. I heard his shoes hit the ground with a thud and he leaned down closer to me.

His arms were planted on either side of me, his hands gripping my ribs. His mouth was on my chin, my neck, and my chest. He made his way back up to my mouth and I was breathing harder and harder with each passing second, but he kept stealing my breath with his mouth. I reached down and tugged on the bottom of my shirt, breaking Matt’s kiss and pulling it over my head before he had the chance to tell me no. He continued kissing my face and my neck. It wasn’t long until he was kissing my collarbone, my chest and then I could feel his mouth on my nipples.

As he moved further and further down my body, kissing my stomach and just above my pant line, his hands followed suit. I breathed in deeply and I wanted him to keep going, but I didn’t want anything to be uncomfortable between us. He kissed my stomach again, my chest, my neck, and again, his mouth was on mine.

“I don’t want to go too far.” He whispered against my lips.

“Okay.” I said quietly. I could still feel the burn of his mouth on mine, my heart slapping my chest and the adrenaline pumping in my veins. I had a total high at that moment. And I was doing my best to keep from breathing like a dog.

He rolled over to the other side of the bed and grabbed my shirt in one hand, giving it back to me.

“You alright?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. Just a little horny, that’s all. Obviously you can never finish.”

He scoffed, “I just don’t want to go too far.”

“I know, I know.” I laughed.

“Why are you laughing?”

“Because,” I said, adjusting my shirt. “How is it that every time we get a little ‘intimate’, I’m the one that ends up with my shirt off and you’re still fully clothed? You’ve seen me half naked twice and I haven’t seen shit.”

He laughed at me. “Because you actually look good naked.”

“Are you trying to tell me that you don’t look good naked?” I smiled.

“Yes actually, that is exactly what I’m saying.” He mused, slapping his stomach. “I gots a belly on me and it ain’t attractive.”

“Oh shut the fuck up Matt.” I said, rolling over onto my elbows. “You are not fat. You are fine just the way you are.”

“Oh thanks Mom.” He said sarcastically.

“Fuck you.” I laughed. “I was being serious, you prick.”

-----------------------------------------------

“Alright,” Matt said, “you ready?”

I nodded to myself, coming out of the bathroom. I was wearing a pair of the jeans that I had gotten from Aly and an old t shirt of Matt’s. I had first come out wearing a dress and then Matt laughed at me and proceeded to tell me this was dinner, not a wedding reception. So I had to go back and change.

“How do I look?”

He gave me thumbs up. “Let’s go.”

“Can we smoke first? I don’t want to smoke at your mom’s house.”

“We’ll smoke on the way there, come on.”

I followed him out the door and he locked it behind us. He pulled the pack of smokes out of his pocket, lighting two of them and handing one to me. We got inside the little Mazda and Matt started it up, letting it rumble for a few seconds while we put on our seat belts.

As he reversed, he looked over at me. “So when are you going to learn how to drive this thing?”

I smirked at him, letting out a mouthful of smoke. “Are you kidding me?” I laughed. “You’re going to teach me how to drive? Your car?”

He laughed. “First of all, it’s not mine. It’s Andy’s and he’s letting me borrow it while he’s not here. And second of all, yes. You should learn how to drive.”

“Why is that?”

“Well let’s say that I just one day decide I want to do heroine. And you can’t stop me. So like three or four months down the road, I get all tweaker-like and I pass out and I OD on heroine. But we have no cellphone because I’ve been too busy buying heroine so we can’t call 911.” He paused. “You can’t just carry me there. You’d have to drive me.”

“I can put you in the neighbor’s wagon and wheel you to the hospital.” I grinned.

“Aspen!”

“What?” I laughed. “I’m sorry but that whole scenario didn’t seem all that realistic, you know.”

“My point is…” he said, tossing his cigarette out the window and putting the car into second gear, “you should know how to drive a car. Especially this car, because it’s a stick shift and every one should know how to drive a stick shift.”

“Alrighty then, Pops.”

He turned and looked at me with a playful smile on his face. “You really are a little snot, you know that?”

“Actually yes Matt, I am fully aware of that fact, thank you.”

Matt pulled to a stop in front of his house. Still the old one on Stony Ct. The one that he’d lived in his entire life and now his parents still lived in. I peered out of the window and looked at the driveway.

“Your dad’s truck in the garage?”

Matt turned away from me and cranked the window shut, “No, he’s just not here.”

“Where’s he at?”

“I think he’s camping or something, I don’t know.”

“Camping? In May? Without your mom?”

“I said I didn’t know.” He said quietly.

He got out of the car without saying anything else and I rolled up my window. I could sense something was a little weird and Matt was probably lying to me, but I didn’t want to push anything so I just shut up and got out of the car. We walked up to the front door, quieter than usual and Matt turned the knob to the door, pushing it open. No sooner had the door opened than a German Shepard came rushing to the door. He let out a menacing bark and continued to snap at Matt.

His mom came around the corner quickly. “Jesus Christ, Ozzy. Calm down, boy. It’s alright, it’s fine.” She shooed the dog away and then wrapped her arms around Matt. “How are you?”

“I’m good Mom.” He smiled, patting her back and then pulling away. “Remember Aspen?”

She nodded at me, smiling softly. “I remember Aspen.” She hugged me, “You doing better, sweetheart?”

“Better than usual.” I shrugged. “All because of Matt.”

“He is quite the rescuer, isn’t he?”

I smiled. “He is.”

“Well, come on, come inside. I made homemade pizza just for you guys.”

I laughed quietly to myself, remembering when I used to get all fucked up and then I would show up at Matt’s house and eat all of his food. One night actually, he gave me some of his mom’s pizza and it took him about an hour to get me to stop talking about how great it was and then I refused to believe that his mom had made it herself. As I trailed behind Matt, he reached behind him and touched my arm for just a second before jamming his hands into his pockets again. Probably remembering the same thing I was, but being discreet about telling me.

We dished up and sat down at the table.

“So how is everything going for you guys? You getting along alright?”

Matt nodded. “Aspen’s been cleaning apartments.” He paused, tensing up just slightly. “But she doesn’t really like it or make all that much money so we’re thinking about finding her a job somewhere else.”

“That’s good.” His mom smiled. “Jobs are always fun.”

I rolled my eyes, taking a bite of my pizza. “Loads of fun.” I laughed. “Is that were Dan is at?”

His mom looked at Matt and then her eyes darted away real quick, like there was something going on between them that I wasn’t really supposed to know. The whole table got really quiet and the tension level must have rose about a hundred notches. I was kicking myself in the ass under the table for bringing up Matt’s dad again; I already noticed how weird he was about it in the car.

I should’ve just kept my fucking mouth shut.