Love, Aspen

I was taking a shower when I saw Matt’s hand tapping on the shower curtain. I pulled it back and stuck my head out, smiling at him. He rubbed his face and sighed.

“What’re you doing up so early?”

“I need to find a job, Matt.”

He groaned. “I’m gonna go smoke.”

I laughed at him, reaching out and mussing his hair with my wet hand. “All you have to do is drive me downtown and I’ll walk up and down the street half naked.”

“Ha ha ha.” He mused. “You’re so funny.”

“Quit being a sour puss. Go smoke so you can get in the shower and we can go.”

He waved me off and walked away. I closed the shower curtain and proceeded to wash the soap out of my hair. After Matt telling me that he loved me last night, I realized that since he was supporting me, I needed to help out a little bit. Even if we were just rebounding, he was still housing me and feeding me so I had to help him out. After the whole cleaning incident happened, I was kind of glad. I wasn’t a big fan of cleaning apartments and knowing how dirty some of our neighbors were. It grossed me out to say the least.

Besides that, it wasn’t fixed hours or fixed income. It was whatever I could muster up. That wasn’t necessarily very helpful, so I actually had to go out and find a real job that paid me with a real check and was able to buy us food or pay our rent, or put gas in Matt’s Mazda. I pushed the curtain back and reached out for my towel, seeing Matt standing in the doorway.

“Like what you see?” I laughed, holding my arms out.

“Oh I do.”

He came at me and grabbed me by the waist, kissing me roughly, stepping into the shower. I could taste the cigarette on his breath and I laughed as he ran kisses down my neck. I put one hand on the back of his neck and he leaned forward, losing his balance and eating shit in the shower. I fell with him and landed on top of him. He tried kissing me again, but I was laughing too hard to kiss him back.

“I can’t believe...” I laughed, covering my mouth. “You fucking idiot.”

He laughed with me, “Come on, you’re ruining the moment.”

I sat up, “Oh like you didn’t just ruin the moment by falling on your ass.”

He kept one arm around my waist, reaching up to kiss me. “It’s okay, it doesn’t matter.”

I slapped his chest lightly and kissed him on the mouth. “Get out of your clothes and take a shower. I need to find a job.”

I got out of the shower and grabbed my towel, wrapping it around my body. Matt closed his eyes and spasmed for few seconds with a stupid grin on his face.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I laughed.

“I.” He spasmed again. “Can’t. Get.” He laughed. “Up.”

“Right.”

Then he went completely still and laid in the tub without moving. I went to walk away but then he whispered at me. “Pssst.”

“What Matt?” I said, trying not to smile. We really needed to get moving.

“I’m like Sleeping Beauty.” He whispered. “You have to kiss me to wake me up.”

“Matt.” He went dead silent again. I sighed loudly. “Matt. Get up.” He continued to ignore me, so I took my towel off and snapped it at his leg. “Matt!”

“That fucking hurt.” He said, still whispering and gripping onto my towel. “Now kiss me or you can’t have this.”

I shrugged. “I’m dry now.”

“Aspen.” He whined.

“I’ll kiss you when you’re out of the shower.”

He stuck his bottom lip out, but kept his eyes shut. I reached forward for my towel and had a good grip on it until he yanked on it and I tumbled into the bathtub again. He firmly gripped my waist and laughed against my neck. “Now you’re fucked.”

I moved my head so that my eyes met his. “You are such a brat.”

“But I love you.”

I was quiet for a moment, refusing to break my eye contact with his. His eyes were so fucking blue, like a god damn ocean. I could feel tears surfacing as I repeated his words in my head. Before he saw me crying, I leaned down and kissed him softly. Once, twice. And I laid my head down on his chest. “I love you too, but—“

“We really need to get moving.” He said, in a playful mock voice. “Get the hell off of me, then. What do you think you’re doing?”

I laughed at him and sat up, getting out of the bathtub. “You’re a moron.” I said before walking out of the bathroom.

He stood up and coughed. “Man I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you walk away!”

“Get in the shower!” I yelled back.

I heard him shed his clothes and the shower start up and I laughed to myself, standing naked in the closet. I just lay on top of Matt literally butt ass naked and I didn’t even feel uncomfortable. It was so weird, how close we’d gotten lately. Never would I have thought we, of all people, would end up together. I was so dead set on Sonny when we were younger, that I didn’t stop to realize how much sweeter Matt was. Sonny was way too involved in music for anything else. Which I guess was good for him, but not good for any girl who thought she might have a chance with him.

I squealed as quietly as I possibly could and jumped up and down a couple of times, sending the butterflies in my stomach into cardiac arrest. I had this smile on my face, like it was just cut out of a magazine and glued over my real mouth. I couldn’t believe Matt had told me he loved me. I felt like I finally belonged with someone, like if I died, it would actually matter to someone. And that made me feel important. And loved.

I finally felt loved.

I walked back into the bedroom and pulled a pair of underwear and a bra out of the dresser, pulling them on. I assumed the weather was relatively nice, so I grabbed one of the cotton dresses that Aly had given me and pulled it on over my head. I reached into the back of the closet and pulled out a pair of old ratty Converse and shrugged, pulling them on my feet. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a cigarette, waiting for Matt to get out of the shower so I could blow dry my hair.

Matt came outside a few minutes later dressed and ready to go, his hair dripping wet. He nudged me with his shoe and I looked up at him. “What’re you doing? Let’s go.”

I stuck my middle finger up in the air and blew out rings of smoke, dropping my cigarette on the floor. “Alright I’m coming, I have to blow dry my hair and then we can go.”

“Where’d you get those shoes?”

I shrugged, “They were in the closet. Why?”

“I think they’re Courtney’s.”

“Want me to take them off?”

“No, I don’t care.”

I laughed. “Alright.”

I walked into the bathroom and pulled out the blow dryer and the comb, starting in on my hair. Every time I looked up the mirror, Matt was making a different face at me, but finally about fifteen minutes later, both of us were ready to go.

We locked the door and got into the car and Matt drove me downtown where I went into every coffee shop, fast food place and restaurant that I could see. Most of them told me they weren’t hiring but were accepting applications, but that wasn’t necessarily much help to me. I finally walked into a movie store and walked up to the front counter, a pile of applications in my left hand and tired smile on my face.

“Hi.” I walked up to the counter. “Is a manager around?”

The man turned around and smiled back at me. “I’m him. What can I do for you?”

“Well, I need a job.” I laughed.

“Don’t we all?”

I nodded. “Probably. But I was just wondering if you were hiring at the moment.”

“Not right this second.” He winked at me. “But I’ll go ahead and give you an application and you bring it back tomorrow and we’ll have ourselves an interview, sound good?”

“Sounds great!” I laughed.

I walked out of the shop and walked up behind Matt who was smoking a cigarette while waiting for me. “How’d that one go?” He asked. He’d been asking after every single one.

“He told me to fill it out and bring it back tomorrow and we’d interview.”

He smirked. “Sounds like you might have a job.”

“He can’t just hire me like that.”

Matt grabbed my free hand and laced our fingers together. “Yes he can.”

“And what would make him want to hire me?”

Matt shrugged. “Maybe it’s ‘cause you’re so god damn cute. I would hire you.”

I looked at him skeptically. “Hire me for what?”

He laughed. “I don’t know. I’m just saying. Guy managers hire girls and girl managers hire guys. That’s how shit goes.”

“Girls get hired over guys because they’re cuter and work harder.”

“Oh bull shit. Girls are catty and bitchy; they get attitudes at work all the time.”

We came up to the car and I threw the applications on the driver’s seat and got into the passenger’s seat. Matt grabbed them and tossed them on my lap. I groaned. “Now I have to go and fill all this shit out. Fuck me.”

Matt laughed. “Too bad you can’t play a guitar. You could be in a band.”

“Oh yeah because you’re making so much money doing that.” I laughed.

I cringed right after it came out of my mouth, though. The way it came out wasn’t supposed to be so harsh. It was just a light jab and it came out totally snappy and bitchy.

“Oh okay Courtney.” Matt snapped, trying to laugh.

I didn’t say anything. I had struck a nerve and I realized that, so I just kept my mouth shut. I wasn’t about to apologize because that wasn’t going to do any good. I’d hurt his feelings and I felt like a bitch. We drove quietly all the way back and Matt parked the car, turning it off. I grabbed the applications and got out of the car, going up to the door and waiting for him to come and unlock it.

He walked up slowly and kissed me on the cheek quickly. “Sorry for snapping at you.” He paused. “That was a dick move.”

I laughed. “What I said was a dick move. I didn’t mean for it to sound like that, you know?”

He nodded, holding the door open for me. “I know you didn’t.”

We both walked inside and closed the door behind us. I tossed the applications on the counter and grabbed a pen, leaning over and starting to fill the first one out. Matt pulled a pan out of the cabinet and started boiling some water for dinner.

We spent the rest of the night filling out applications. After I counted them, I realized I had 47. When I was on the thirtieth one, I paused to eat and then continued. I had to continuously ask Matt questions that he didn’t know the answer to, so he had to call his mom and she had to tell him.

By about seven, both of us were pretty much beat and we lie down on the couch together and put a movie on. Matt wrapped his arms around me and kissed my shoulder. “You look very cute in your dress by the way.”

I smiled. “Thanks.”