Love, Aspen

I nudged Aspen in the shoulder and watched as her eyes fluttered open and a smile flitted across her lips. Her eyes closed slowly again, but the smile remained. She looked so beautiful, so peaceful. It had gotten hot last night, so she had slept in only a pair of underwear, the blanket resting on one side of her body. She was on her stomach, with both hands underneath her head. Her hair was in rats across her pillow. I ran a hand across her milky skin, watching as goose bumps rose over her shoulders. I laughed quietly to myself, covering her shoulders with the blanket.

“Must you always bother me this early in the morning?” She asked, her eyes still closed.

“I was just waking you up to remind you that you’ve got that job interview today. And I was thinking about something.”

She propped herself up on her elbow, half of her chest showing. She piled the blankets so that it covered her. “Oh yeah? What were you thinking?”

“Well if you’re going to start working and I’m going to be recording and all that jazz, it might be a good idea that you know how to drive the Mazda, just in case our schedules conflict and we have to work it out so that you drop me off at John’s to record and then you take the car to work and pick me up on your way home.”

She rolled her eyes. “Fuck me.”

I grinned at her, raising my eyebrows. “I’d love to. But I think that you’d better get up and get dressed so that you can go get yourself that job at the movie store.”

Aspen laughed at me, reaching out with one arm to shove me softly. “You think they sell porn there? I could rent porn on my employee account and we could watch it together, like one of those weird couples who can’t get off to each other.”

“I think only guys with fat wives watch that kind of stuff.”

“Matt!”

I jumped off the bed before she managed to take a swing at me. “What?” I laughed. “I was just kidding. Will you get up and get dressed please? If we’re going to have time for your interview and driving lessons, you better get your ass in gear.”

She groaned loudly and threw the blankets to one side of her body, sitting up on the edge of the bed. She was completely naked minus her underwear and that didn’t seem to bother her. She jumped off the bed and walked into my closet, pulling on a pair of jeans and fastening her bra across her back. She grabbed my deodorant off the dresser and used it, proceeding to walk into the bathroom to do her hair.

I followed her into the bathroom and put the toilet seat down, sitting on it. “So what’d you think of us recording the other night? You seemed so bored.”

She turned to me quickly. “Did I really? I wasn’t at all.” She said sincerely. “I was watching you guys the whole time, up until your last couple of songs and then I passed out on the couch. I was just really tired from the night before. But you guys were amazing. Especially you. Do you know how awesome it is to watch you do something you love? You kept getting this excited smile on your face and your eyes were all lit up. It was fucking great, Matt. I loved it.”

I looked away from her sheepishly. “Thanks.”

Both of us stayed silent as she forced her hair into a cute little up do. It was so weird for me having someone around who was interested in things that I loved to do, things that meant the world to me actually meant the world to Aspen as well and that made me love her even more. I felt so close to her, like I could be anything I wanted to and she would accept me no matter what. I didn’t understand how she’d grown up so fast, and furthermore, I didn’t understand how I had ended up with her, a girl so fucking amazing. I felt like I almost didn’t deserve her.

“What are you thinking?” She asked me, crouching down in front of me and pushing hair out of my face.

I smiled up at her. “Nothing all that important.” I kissed her on the mouth. “It just really makes me happy that you enjoy watching me play. I like having something that both of us can relate to, you know?”

She nodded. “I know Matt. I know.”

“You’re beautiful.”

She looked away from me. “So are you.”

I stood up and pulled her up with me. “Interview and then driving lessons?” I asked. “This way, m’lady.”

I stopped only a moment to let her grab her shoes and a shirt before I pulled her out the door and to the car. I sat in the parking stall for a moment, explaining to her the uses of the clutch and the gas, then started the car and shifted the gears to show her what position they went into.

I looked at her extremely confused and partially worried face and laughed. “It’s a lot easier than it sounds, I promise.”

She merely nodded at me and lit a cigarette, then handed me one. “How do you smoke and drive at the same time?”

I shrugged. “I’ve just gotten used to it, I guess. It’s just like doing any other two things at once. I’m telling you, it’s not that difficult.”

She smiled up at me. “I believe you.”

As we made our way downtown, both of us were quiet. We smoked and listened to the radio, making the occasional comment about a store we passed or some ridiculous car that was on the road. She asked me a few more questions about the car and learning how to drive and I answered them the best I could. We arrived outside the movie store and I parked.

I gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Good luck, babe. I’ll be in the car if you need anything.”

She laughed and grabbed her application, opening the door and getting out of the car. I watched her walk inside the movie store and approach the counter with a big grin on her face. She was in there for a few minutes until she followed him behind the counter and into a back room. I waited ten minutes. Fifteen minutes. And then I realized it would probably take a while. I smoked another cigarette and then got out of the car, walking around the corner to the music store.

I browsed through some CDs and posters, checking out all kinds of stuff. I came across some old FFTL albums and sighed to myself. I really did miss being in FFTL with Trav, Derek, and Sonny. It had been years since the four of us had actually been in the same room together; it seemed really shitty that we couldn’t even muster up enough dignity to even talk to one another.

I made my way out of the CD shop just in time to see Aspen practically skip to the Mazda with a t shirt draped over her arm. I came up behind her and kissed her on the neck. “You got the job, huh?”

She turned around with a huge smile on her face. “I am an official employee and Movies 4 U.” She grinned. “Aren’t you so proud?”

I kissed her again. “Very proud. You ready to go practice learning how to drive this baby?”

She laughed nodded. “I’m ready for anything right now.”

I got into the car and started it, pulling into traffic, smiling to myself. “I told you that you were going to get it.”

“I don’t know what I would do without you, Matt.” She laughed. “Seriously though. You’ve got me this far. I mean, fuck. I have a job. An actual job.”

“I didn’t get you this far, Aspen. You’ve learned on your own. It took you a while. But you did it.” I smiled over at her.

“I know,” she sighed. “But you’ve never given up on me, and that gives me this hope that I won’t fuck up.”

“I’m really happy that I could be that person for you.” I smiled. “Wanna know something?”

“I would love to.”

“You are that person for me too.”

“I don’t see how—“

“Uh uh, nope.” I cut her off. “You hush. Just accept it and move on.”

She rolled her eyes at me as we pulled into the parking spot at home. “Fine Matt.”

I left the car running and got out. “Switch me seats.”

I watched as she moved from the passenger’s seat and slid into the driver’s seat, gripping onto the steering wheel, which rumbled under her grip and shook her small hands. She smiled as I got in on the other side. “You really expect me to learn how to drive this thing?”

“Either that or you can walk to work.” I laughed.

“What, you can’t drive me every day?”

“Fuck no.”

She looked as if she was pondering the thought for a moment and then looked over at me. “I guess I could use the exercise.”

“Oh shit Aspen.” I laughed. “Just let me teach you how to drive it. Once you get the hang of it, it won’t be so god damn scary anymore.”

She groaned. “Okay, okay.”

“Alright, turn the key towards you and turn the car off.”

She did so. “Now what?”

“Okay, now you need to push in the clutch and start the car.”

I watched as she nervously jammed the clutch in and turned the keys. The car rumbled to life. “Alright.”

“Okay, put your hand on the gear shifter.”

I held her hand underneath mine and shifted it into reverse. “Now you’re in reverse.” I looked behind the car. “Make sure there is no one back there for you to hit or any mailboxes to run over, or other cars or anything that you might damage.”

She turned around in her seat and checked. “Okay.”

“Now you need to slowly let go of the clutch while pushing in the gas. But do both things equally slow and not too fast or else you’re going to kill it.”

She nodded and attempted to do what I told her, but not to my surprise, she killed it. Her arms instantly tensed up and she gripped the steering wheel as the car jolted forward. “Shit!” She yelled.

I grinned at her. “You’re fine. All you did was kill it. Now start the car and try it again, this time go easy on the clutch and the gas.” I paused. “But you need to shift it back into first, because you can’t start the car in reverse.”

I watched as she tried it again, more nervous than she had been the first time. For the next hour or so, we remained in the parking spot, her pressing in the clutch and letting out the gas. She got the car started quite a few times and then backed up in a straight line, killed it and started over. After a while, she was becoming frustrated. But she didn’t give up. She continuously tried over and over again, starting the car in first and learning what gears were in what positions. After a while, she actually pulled out of the parking spot and drove around the apartment complex, only killing it twice. As she glided into the parking spot, I looked over at her and smiled to myself as I saw the grin that was stretched across her face.

I put my hand on her knee. “Tomorrow, we conquer the gears and maybe I’ll take you out on some roads that aren’t too busy. You can share with the other cars.”

Her eyes grew wide at the idea. “Maybe in a couple months.”

I laughed at her. “A couple months my ass. You did an awesome job tonight.” I looked over at her again. “You are awesome!” I said, holding up two thumbs in the air.

She slapped my shoulder and rolled up her window, snagging the keys out of the ignition. She climbed out of the car and stretched. “I need to smoke.”