Love, Aspen

“Seriously?” I practically yelled in the phone. “You’ve got to be fucking with me, dude.”

“No, I’m not fucking with you Matt. Feldman is a fucking genius. I told you that bastard would do us good. Got our record recorded and got it out on the shelves already. He’s the fucking best.” Craig laughed.

“You got anything else to pile on me today?”

“Actually, I do.”

“Let me sit down for this one.” I smiled, sitting down next to Aspen, who was on the couch reading a book. I squeezed her knee and returned to the conversation with Craig. “Go on now.”

“We’re starting a tour in a couple of weeks, man.”

I jumped off the couch. “Fucking yes! Two weeks is all?”

“Two weeks is all.”

I hung up the phone without even thinking and grabbed Aspen off the couch, making her drop her book. “Did you hear that, babe? Our record is already on shelves and we have a fucking tour in two weeks!”

She beamed up at me, kissing me on the mouth. “That’s fucking great Matt. Really. That’s great.”

“You don’t seem all that excited.”

“That’s only because I’m not as excited as you are.”

“Why aren’t you as excited as I am?” I laughed. “Are you kidding me? Finally, fucking finally I’m going to be getting some money around here. We’re going to be getting money!”

She put her hands on both sides of my neck and smiled softly. Her lips touched mine for only a second. “Matt, I told you that’s wonderful. I’m extremely excited for you. Honest.”

“Is something wrong?”

She shook her head. “I’m just tired is all. I didn’t get home last night until late.”

“What were you out doing? Doesn’t the movie store close at eleven?”

“Yeah, but we had to go through last night and do a bunch of shelving and ordering new movies, repairing disks that people have brought in completely trashed. And then I couldn’t sleep. It was so god damn hot last night, I swear to fuck.”

“I was freezing. You had the god damn window open and everything.”

She sat down on the couch and picked up her book, tossing it on the coffee table. “Maybe I’m just getting sick. Probably from dealing with people all day. Their germs and shit on everything at work.”

I sat down next to her and pulled her against my shoulder. “Well what do you think about coming on tour with us?”

“I can’t just quit my job.”

“Just give them two weeks. Explain the situation; I’m sure the man will give you your job back. He fucking loves you Aspen.”

“Wouldn’t that completely defeat the purpose of us having money? I’ve been working ‘cause you haven’t had a job, but once you get a gig I should just quit my job? That doesn’t make any sense. Why don’t both of us work and then we’ll have twice as much money.” She said, with a bit of a cocky sense. “What a concept.”

“I just thought you might like to come along.”

“And take care of five full grown dirty men?” She laughed. “Does Aly go along?”

“No, she has to stay and work.”

Aspen laughed and looked up at me again. “I’m sorry, did you say she has to um, work? Isn’t that my reason? Isn’t that good enough for you Matty boy?”

“Well, I mean are you going to be alright without me around?”

“I’m a big girl Matt.” She smiled, getting up off the couch. “I’m going to run to the store, I’ll be back.”

“What do you need at the store?”

She shrugged. “Been wanting a damn chocolate bar all night long. Do you want anything?”

“Grab me a couple red bulls, yeah?”

She shook her head at me. “Those are bad for you.”

“So are cigarettes.” I mocked as she reached to the coat hook and grabbed her jacket.

“And you drink red bull and smoke; therefore you’re twice as likely to die as I am.”

I threw my hands in the air. “We’re all going to die one day, aren’t we dear?”

She grabbed the keys off the counter and scowled playfully at me. “Some sooner than others.”

“I love you!” I yelled after her.

“I know!”

She let the door fall shut and I listened for the start of the car. I stretched out on the couch and closed my eyes. I didn’t really understand what had gotten into her lately. She had been spending a lot of time at work, which makes sense, I mean it is work. But it just seems like she’s there after hours a lot. A lot lately. And she’s always completely exhausted when she comes home.

My heart jumped again as I was brought back to the thought of actually getting to go on a tour finally. It sank once more when I thought about how Aspen really had no desire to go. I could see her point of view on the whole thing. It made complete sense that both of would bring a lot more money in if we were both working at the same time, versus one of us having a job at a time. I understood that, but it just didn’t make very much sense to me that she hadn’t even thought about it. It wasn’t even a second thought thing or a maybe I’ll think about it. It was like she already had her mind made up that there was no way in Hell she was going to go with me.

I sighed and lay back on the couch, the quiet of the apartment kind of enveloping me.

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“Babe.” Aspen’s voice murmured, shaking my shoulder. “Matt.”

I opened my eyes to look up at her. “Yeah?”

“You coming to bed with me?”

“What time is it?”

“Ten.”

“You didn’t have to work tonight?”

“Already went.”

“How long have I been asleep?”

She shrugged. “You fell asleep when I was gone at the store. Your red bulls are in the fridge. I didn’t want to wake you up.”

“Why’re you home so early?”

“I’ve only stayed late once or twice this week, Matt.” She sighed. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”

I got up and followed her into the bedroom. She flicked on the night stand light and stood on the other side of the bed in her work uniform. She pulled off the red collared shirt and tossed it on the ground. I yanked off my pants and shirt and climbed into bed, putting my hands behind my head and watching as she walked into the bathroom. She turned the light on and went pee, leaving her pants on the floor in the bathroom. She yanked out her pony tail and ran her fingers through her hair, then turned off the light in the bathroom. I watched as she came around the other side of the bed and unhooked her bra in the back, paying no mind to the fact that I was watching her undress herself. She clicked off the light and climbed into bed with me.

I reached over and ran my hand down her side, resting it on her thigh. I moved closer to her and kissed her softly on the cheek, moving my hand over the top of her underwear. I kissed her on the mouth and she kissed me back, but just barely. I bit her bottom lip and laughed.

She shoved me away lightly. “Not tonight Matt.”

I quickly moved my hands to my side of the bed and pulled away from her. I was quiet for a few minutes before I just decided to come out with it.

“Are you cheating on me?”

“I’m sorry?” She asked. “Did you just say what I think you said?”

“If you think I said ‘Are you cheating on me?’, then yes.”

“What the fuck Matt? Why the fuck would you even think that?”

“You have been spending a lot of time at the movie shop.”

She laughed. “Long hours at the office, coming home tired, that must mean I’m fucking someone on the side, right?”

“It was just a question.”

She rolled over and turned away from me. “I can’t believe you would even fucking say that Matt.”

“Why are you getting so defensive?”

“Because!” She snapped. “That’s bullshit and you know it. Why the fuck would I have any reason to cheat on you?”

“People don’t do it with reason.”

“Yeah, and some people don’t do it at all.”

“It was only a question.” I repeated.

“I don’t care what it was Matt.”

“I’m sorry.”

She ignored me and the room fell silent again. I was teetering on the edge of not believing her and feeling like an asshole. I wasn’t really sure what her deal was. She just seemed different lately.

“You seem different is all.” I said quietly. “I thought you would be more excited about the whole touring thing and I thought you might like to go with me. Y’know, just spend some time out on the road, seeing new places and meeting a bunch of people. I’d bet you would have a real blast.”

“Matt, I would love to drive around with you and go see a bunch of places. But I would like to do it with only you. Not a bunch of your band mates and your fans. I love you to death, but I don’t really love your band mates, besides Craig of course. I don’t know the other three and that Nick guy is a prick. There won’t be any room for me to sleep, and it will just be a big mess. I love you, but I just don’t think that would be a good idea.” She paused. “Now if you invited me to go on a road trip with just you, I would jump right on it. Fuck the two week’s notice. We’d be gone tomorrow.”

I laughed at her and reached over, grabbing her hand. “So you’re not mad at me or anything?”

“No,” she said slowly. “Where are you getting all these crazy ideas that I’m a mad whore?”

I laughed again. “Babe, I never said you were a whore. I’d never say that. I just told you that you seem different is all and I don’t understand why.”

She shrugged. “I’m just tired from work.”

I nodded, kissing her on the cheek. I expected her to lean over and kiss me back, but she didn’t. “And you don’t even want to have sex. You always want to have sex.”

I felt her shrug underneath the covers. “Just don’t feel like it tonight. Like I told you earlier, I’m just a little tired.”

“And you went to the store to get chocolate earlier.” I smiled. “That’s it. You’re on your menstruating cycle. It’s officially TOM. Aunt Flow is visiting.”

“Menstruating cycle?” She snorted. “Really, Matt? I haven’t heard it called that since I watched the period movie in seventh grade for fuck’s sake.”

I laughed and squeezed her hand in mine. “You wanna smoke before we go to sleep?”

She kissed me softly on the forehead. “No thanks. It’s too cold out.”

I let go of her hand and threw the blankets to the side. “Suit yourself then. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Have fun watching your dick shrivel up in the cold!” She yelled after me.

“It always goes back to its original size.” I laughed, grabbing the cigarettes off the counter and opening the front door to step out.

I lit my cigarette and puffed on it, letting the smoke curl around me. I shivered slightly as the wind pushed by. And then I started to wonder what really was going on with Aspen. No cigarettes? And no sex? I laughed at myself as I thought of asking her if she was planning on becoming a nun. But I thought better of it. I finished off my cigarette and put it out on the siding, walking back into the house and throwing the cigarettes on the table. I climbed back into bed and kissed her softly on the cheek, wrapping my arm around her middle.