Love, Aspen

I groaned as I heaved another box of DVDs out of the back door in the stock room. I scooted them across the floor with my foot and proceeded to shelve them. I was saying my ABCs in my head as I tried to figure out if Just Married should go in between Jawbreaker and Juno, or if it was supposed to be after Juno. I was at m and n when I was tapped on the shoulder.

“Excuse me.”

I took a second before daring myself to turn around, and as I turned around, I already knew what I was coming face to face with. “Yeah?”

“Just curious if you had The Lost Boys.”

I nodded. “It’s over in the L’s.”

She grinned at me, pushing hair out of my face. “How come you never called me?”

I turned around, my stomach jumping into my throat. “I um, I forgot your number was on my arm and I took a shower, so it got washed off.”

She eyed me. “I wrote it in permanent marker.”

I bit my lip and held tightly onto the shelf I was leaning on. “Cass, will you just leave me alone?”

“What the hell did I ever do?” She snapped. “I thought we had a relationship.”

“We did have a relationship. But it’s over. You were with that other girl and I’m with Matt.”

“That other girl was just some chic.”

“Well Matt’s not just some guy, Cassie. Now will you please get out of here?” I paused. “I don’t even know how you figured out that I work here, but I would appreciate it if you just left.”

“I’m a customer. I have every right to be in here.”

I rolled my eyes and continued to ignore her. Bullshit she was a customer, it’s not like she had any god damn money to buy or rent a fucking movie, much less a TV to watch it on.

I heard her scoff. “So, what? You get out of jail and all of a sudden you’re straight? You like Matt ‘cause he’s a big man and he’s got an apartment and a car and he’s taking such good care of you?”

“I never told you I was gay.”

“You sure as fuck had me and everyone else at that place thinking you were gay.”

“Well I’m not.”

“Yeah, not now you aren’t. You’re such a little bitch, Aspen. Fucking treating me like we were together in jail and then acting like you don’t even know me. That’s bullshit. I’ve got feelings you know.”

“I understand that Cassie.” I sighed. “We used each other in jail. Neither one of us thought that relationship would go anywhere.”

“I like you, Aspen.”

“Nothing is going to happen between us anymore. I am with Matt.”

“Fuck Matt.” She said quietly, running her hand over my arm. “Come on, you can come live with me and it’ll be just like old times.”

“I have a house.”

“You know that you would much rather be with me.”

I turned around, tears in my eyes. “Fuck off Cassie. Get the hell out of here!” I snapped.

I hadn’t meant to. I looked around the store at all the people, one mother covering her son’s ears and another teenage boy laughing at us. I wanted to jump off the shelf I was standing on and fucking smack him. My boss looked over at me and began making his way over to where we were standing.

“Is there a problem over here?”

“Your employee has shitty customer service.”

I looked down at my feet. I was embarrassed. But there was really nothing I could say that would make what I did alright.

“Aspen, you mind telling me what happened?”

I put my face in my hands and began crying even harder. “I’m sorry. I just don’t have any patience today. I’m tired and I-I…”

He put a comforting arm around my shoulder. “Why don’t you just leave this box of movies here and go home? I think you need some rest, Aspen.” I felt his grip release from my shoulder and as I was walking away to grab my keys, I heard his voice rise. “I don’t know who you are. But you better stay out of my store and leave my employee alone. I know that you did something to make her that upset and I would appreciate it if you took your business elsewhere.”

“Fine!” Cassie yelled. “Fuck this place! You guys have shitty movies anyway!”

As she walked out the door, she threw the rack of New Release DVDs on the ground. I came out of the back room with my keys in my hand. I rushed over to the rack and picked it off the ground and started to pick up the movies. I was still crying, and my hands were shaking.

“Aspen.” My boss’ voice came behind me. “Leave those there. I told you you can go ahead and just go home.” He paused. “Who was that girl?”

I shook my head. “Just someone from jail. She wanted me to go party with her tonight and I told her no.”

He nodded. “And you guys got in that big of a fight over it?”

“She’s had a big crush on me forever and I have never taken any interest, so she’s probably upset about that.”

“Oh.” He paused. “Well I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? You go home and lie down, sleep some. That boyfriend of your’s better be taking good care of you.”

I nodded, standing up. “He always has.”

He smiled at me. “Go on now, go home.”

I walked out of the store with the keys in my hand and walked around the corner to where I had parked the Mazda. Cassie was standing next to the hood of the car, puffing madly on a cigarette. I walked up to her and glared at her.

“Can you just fuck off, Cass?”

“Did you ever read that letter?”

“What?”

“The one I left in the stall in jail.”

I nodded. “Yeah. Why?”

“I told you that I loved you, Aspen. I don’t tell people that very often.”

“Fucking Christ, Cass. I loved you too. But we’re not together anymore. You were there for me through some shit in jail, but I don’t want to be friends with you anymore. You’re still fucking around with the drugs and just sleeping with random girls. I don’t think a relationship would be a good idea.” I snapped. “Now get the fuck off my car and stay out of my life. I don’t want you around.”

“You’re such a little cunt.” She snapped, tossing her cigarette on the floor and pushing past me.

I didn’t say anything more. I knew if I did, we’d be here all day, arguing back and forth. I merely got into the car and started it, backing out of my parking spot and driving off towards home.

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I opened the front door and shoved it open to see Matt sitting on the couch in his boxers, smoking a cigarette. He jumped as I came in the room and looked up at me. “What’re you doing home so early?”

I hadn’t even made it halfway across the living room before I had started bawling again. “I got off early. Cassie came into my work, Matt. She just fucking stood there and made me feel like a huge piece of shit. I can’t fucking stand her.”

He pulled me away from him and pushed my hair off my sticky face. “Babe, fuck Cassie. She’s just mad because she doesn’t have you anymore.”

“She never fucking had me.” I snapped. “We just used each other for sex. And now she’s trying to tell me that we had this wonderful relationship and that I totally broke her heart and all this other bullshit Matt. Tried telling me that I was gay.”

He squeezed me tightly and pulled me into him. “Don’t listen to her. She’s just a bitch.”

I nodded and tried to calm myself down again. I got up from the couch and dropped my bag on the ground. “I’m going to take a shower babe.”

“See you when you get out.” He smiled at me.

I forced a smile back and walked into the bathroom, stripping myself. I started warm water and stepped underneath the curtain, letting it fall over my back. I continued to cry, becoming louder and louder. I seemed to think that since I was in the shower, Matt couldn’t hear me bawling my face off. I didn’t understand how the fuck Cassie managed to find me at work, but I was really upset over it. I knew that something like that was going to happen. I didn’t want shit to do with her after how upset Matt was over it. And I understood that.

Cassie was bad news. She liked to party and fuck around with everyone she met, and I didn’t want to be a part of that anymore. I wanted to stay with Matt in his apartment and watch movies. I just wanted to be with Matt. And Cassie didn’t even tempt me; I just didn’t want her to be around me. She was the kind of person that would come into my life and just fuck around to fuck everything up. She would make shit up and ruin things for me just to be a bitch.

I had been thinking so hard and crying so much that I hadn’t even noticed that Matt was in the room and looking at me, sitting on the floor of the shower until he turned the water off. He pushed the stopper in the tub so that the water remained in the bath and pushed some hair out of my face.

“Aspen, are you sure things are alright with you? You seem so sad lately.”

I nodded. “I’m fine. I’m just tired.”

“Being just tired doesn’t cut it, babe. You can’t be just tired all the time. I understand that being tired might make you stressed out, but you don’t seem stressed out. You seem sad. Or worried about something.” He paused. “Are you sure there isn’t anything that you’re not telling me?”

I nodded. “I promise.”

He sat down on the side of the tub, draping his arm over the side, his fingers tapping the top of the water. “I’m just a little concerned, Aspen. Maybe you need to take some time off of work and just stay home for a couple of days.”

“We don’t have the money for that.”

“I’m going on tour soon, we’ll have money.”

And the tears hit me all over again. Only this time was worse. “I can’t believe you’re leaving me.”

“I told you you could come with me. It’s not like I want to leave you.”

“I know.” I sobbed. “I just, I’m gonna miss you. I just don’t want to live by myself. It’s the worst feeling in the world, being alone is.”

“It is, Aspen. I know.” He sighed, reaching for my hand. “Come on, get out of the tub, you’ve got goose bumps all over. Let’s get you in some warm clothes and put you to bed, alright?”

I got up out of the tub and leaned against the bed as he pulled pajamas out of the bottom drawer. He grabbed a towel out of the bathroom and draped it over my shoulders. I dried myself off and then pulled on the underwear and sweat pants he’d gotten out for me, and then pulled on his sweatshirt. I climbed into bed and he climbed in next to me, kissing the side of my face.

“I love you so much, Aspen.” He whispered softly. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close to his chest, I could feel the rise and fall of his breath. “And I want you to know that I’m going to miss you, but I wouldn’t be leaving you if we didn’t really need the money.”

“I know.”