Love, Aspen

My alarm sounded from my phone and I groaned loudly for the third time that morning. If I didn’t get up now, I wouldn’t make it to Aspen’s hearing on time. And I needed to show up because I needed to know as much as I could about this whole mess she’d gotten herself into. I couldn’t sleep worth a fuck last night because I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I felt bad for her, which I’m guessing is why she called me; she knew I’d feel pity for her and I’d ultimately let her stay. Nonetheless, I still had to show up at the trial and see what was going on before I just let her waltz right into my house.

I got up out of bed and walked into the bathroom, showering and walking out. I grabbed a nice button up shirt from my closet and a pair of slightly nice pants. Realizing I had no nice shoes, I just threw on my shoes from the party last night and shrugged when I noticed they didn’t match for shit. I dried my hair the best I could and grabbed my phone and my cigarettes. The juvenile center wasn’t too far from my house, but far enough that if it was anyone else but Afton calling me, I probably wouldn’t have shown up. I lit my cigarette and inhaled, trying to calm my nerves and ultimately control the way I was thinking. It was complete insanity. I hadn’t talked to Aspen in years, and not only that, I wasn’t necessarily fond of her. She was annoying and she was naïve, and stupid. She got away with almost everything and could give a fuck about anything but getting high, getting drunk or finding some way to bum a cigarette off me.

But when I talked to her probation officer yesterday, he made her seem so vulnerable, like she was when she was younger. I couldn’t help but promise that I would be at her hearing. All the things he told me were completely believable, but I wished they weren’t true. She’d been nailed for so many things the past year or so, I was surprised she only got herself 6 months. In my mind, I couldn’t picture her now. I hadn’t seen her in so many years, not since she was about fifteen. Now she was almost eighteen.

I sighed loudly as I dropped my cigarette and continued walking. Moments later, I arrived at the courthouse and walked inside, locating Aspen’s case room. I took a seat inside, seeing only a few people. The jury was there, as was the man I guessed to be Brady Wiles; Aspen’s probation officer. There was no lawyer, as no one was being defended. I sat far in the back, hoping that no one would notice me all the way back there. I waited and waited and finally, the judge came out. She was a stout woman, old with greying hair and big bowling pins for arms. She sat down in her chair and slammed the mallet on the desk a few times.

“This is case 46783, the release of Aspen Whiting.” She said quietly, “Aspen, come here please.”

My ears perked up and my eyes grew wide as I saw Aspen walk out of a doorway from the left. She was wearing an ugly orange jumpsuit over her tiny body. The sleeves of it were rolled up to reveal a couple of tattoos. Her hair was this faded red color that might’ve been ugly on any other girl. Her skin was the still the quiet pale color that it’d always been, and it was stretched over her face, making her cheeks look gaunt and hollow. Her eyes were still bulbous and wide open, and from where I was sitting, I couldn’t see the color of them, but I was instantly reminded of the beautiful green color they were. Seeing her after so long made my stomach shake.

She sat down across from the judge, looking straight up at her.

“You have spent the last 6 months in this juvenile detention center for your many crimes.” She paused. “Possession of marijuana, ticket for underage tobacco use, ticket for drunk in public, and underage alcohol use, another possession of marijuana, and finally, your charge for arson.”

Aspen kept her head down, nodding at each thing the judge had said. I still couldn’t see her face, but I could imagine the tears glistening on her eyelashes.

“Now, when we first incarcerated you and questioned you, the motive behind lighting that playground on fire was ‘because you wanted to.’ Is there anything else you’d like to add to that statement?”

“No.”

“I’m sorry.” She said, being completely condescending in the way she spoke to Aspen, “You mean to tell me that you just lit that playground on fire because you felt the need to watch it burn?”

Aspen’s voice shook as she spoke, “I already told you 6 months ago, I just did it because I felt like lighting something on fire. I understand now that it was wrong and I won’t do it again.”

As I sat in the back of the room, my head was spinning. She lit a fucking playground on fire? It was one thing to be charged for arson, I mean fuck, you can get charged for arson for lighting fucking toilet paper on fire, but a whole playground? Why would she even think of doing something like that? And how did she get caught?

“Aspen Whiting, I am here to tell you that if I ever catch you with even a match in your hand, you will be right back at this facility. I don’t have time to be dealing with individuals like you when there are real crimes that could be taken care of, not petty little cries for help.” She stopped and her eyes landed on me for just a moment and then flickered back to Aspen. “I want you to look at me young lady.”

Aspen rose her head slowly to look at the woman.

“I am releasing you. As soon as you find a home to live in, or if you turn 18; whichever comes first, you are allowed to leave this facility. I never want to see you in here again, do you understand me?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Case dismissed!” She said loudly, slamming the mallet against the wood like she had in the beginning. She walked away from the podium and I watched as Aspen was escorted back towards the door she had come in. This entire time, she hadn’t even noticed that I was there. It was like she was blind to the fact that she might be let out of this hellhole.

As I stood up to leave the room, I was turned around by my name coming out of someone’s mouth. I came face to face with the man I had guessed to be Brady Wiles coming quickly after me.

“Brady.” He said sharply, holding his hand out towards me, “I talked to you on the phone.”

I nodded, shaking his hand. “Yes sir.”

“So have you made up your mind yet?

“About what?”

“About allowing Aspen to stay in your home,” He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“I um,” I paused, scratching the back of my head. “I’m not entirely sure just yet. I mean, I knew the girl in high school, but she’s obviously been in a lot of shit since then. And I have to pass the inspection and all that bullshit.”

Brady nodded. “I can come over and do the inspection right now if you’d like. I can say that I came over and did the inspection. You seem like an honest guy and I just need to know if you will be able to take care of Aspen and handle her the way she needs to be handled.”

“See that’s what I’m not sure about. She’s always been wild and I was able to slightly control her when she was younger, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to live with her like that all of the time.” I paused. “I mean, obviously I will keep her out of the drugs and the alcohol, but she’s a strong willed girl and it’s hard to control her.”

He put his hand on my shoulder, “She just needs somewhere to live. Get the girl a job at some fast food place. Keep her busy while you’re off doing whatever you do.” He paused, “I understand that you’ve run into some money troubles and you could use her around the house, to help pay for things, to help you keep the place clean, the laundry done. She just needs somewhere to live, we’re not allowed to just dump her on the streets because technically, she is still a ward of the state.”

I sighed loudly. “Okay.”

“Okay that you’ll take her, or okay you’ll sleep on it tonight and give me a call in a couple of days?”

I thought about his options, and although I knew I would end up taking Aspen in anyway, I chose the latter and then shook his hand again before I left the courtroom and made my way outside. I lit another cigarette as I made my way back to my apartment. The more I thought about it, the worse I felt. I had to take Aspen in. Even if they waited until she was 18 to toss her out in the street, she wouldn’t have shit, she wouldn’t have anywhere to go. And I’d lost contact with her for a while, so she obviously had no one at all if she actually had the balls to call me up.

I muttered to myself as I walked down the street. It was times like these that I wished Sonny hadn’t bailed on us and he was still here to talk to. Despite his big ass head and his mindset that he could do everything on his fucking own, he was good at decision making, which is what I needed at the moment. The only thing I could think of was throwing in yes’ and no’s into a hat and pulling them out one by one until I grabbed one that said yes. I knew if I told any of the guys in D.R.U.G.S. they’d freak out. So maybe I just needed to talk to a girl about it, to talk about it with Aly. She might not have known Aspen, nor did anyone else besides me, Sonny, Trav, and Derek, but I’m sure she could shed some light on the subject.

And so, I made my way back to my apartment, changed my clothes and waited for her to come pick me up for band practice. On the way to her and Craig’s house, I had so many questions buzzing through my head, I couldn’t think of which one to ask first, and by the time I had sorted through all of them, I was still sitting in the passenger’s seat of her Neon while she stood outside the window and tapped on it several times to get my attention.

I quickly got out of the car and she looked at me like she was worried again, but I shook it off as Nick came out of the front door, grabbing me by my arm and dragging me inside the house. I was pulled into the recording room and the door was slammed shut. My guitar was shoved into my hands and all three of them were talking at once, telling me all their ideas, telling each other to shut up, asking me what I thought, switching back and forth between a bunch of different clips they’d recorded. Aaron was banging on his cymbals, Craig was reading me lyrics, Adam and Nick were fighting with the chords on their instruments, and once they all finally stopped yelling in my face, I had nothing to say.

I stood there like an idiot and merely nodded; whispering, “Yeah. Yeah.”