Forever and Always

~*Flashback*~ A year and a half ago

“Matt, quit it. That tickles.” I stepped back from him, shooting him a warning glance. God, he knew I hated it when he tickled me. But he loved to torture me, and that was how he did it.

“No way, Hayley.” He slowly inched towards me, hands outstretched. “I’m going to get you.”

“Matt, don’t!”, I laughed. “You know I don’t like to be tickled.”

“But I like to tickle you.” Suddenly he stopped. “How about this? If I stop trying to tickle you, you have to give me a kiss.”

A kiss? That was it? Of course, Matt and I had been dating for more than four years, and that was all he ever asked for. Such the gentleman.

“Okay.” And so I leaned forward and pressed my lips against Matt’s, feeling him pull me in. This kiss was different. I could feel it. It was as if something bigger needed to happen. And I knew what it was. Of course, it wasn’t like I hadn’t considered going ‘all the way’ with Matt, it was just...I didn’t feel like I was ready. But maybe I was.

I kissed him harder, hoping he would get the message. He kissed back with the same amount of force, and wrapped his tattooed arms around my waist, lifting my feet off the ground. Still kissing, Matt carried me upstairs to his bedroom. Let’s just say...it was one hell of a night! One I’ll never forget, anyways. For more reasons than one.

The next morning when I woke up, I was still in Matt’s arms, our legs tangled around one another’s. Without bothering to even glance at the alarm clock, I snuggled in closer to Matt, laying my head on his bare chest. Just as I was getting comfortable, I felt him stir awake and I could sense the obvious smile on his face.

“Good morning, Matt.”, I said.

“Yes, it certainly is.”, he replied devilishly. “It took us four years to do that, but damn, it was worth the wait.”

“I’m glad you feel that way.”, I admitted. “Because I was a little scared things would change now.”

“Change? Hell no. I still love you, Hayley. Nothing is ever going to change that.” Suddenly his breath caught in his chest and he sat up quickly. “Um, what day is it?”

“The twelfth.”, I answered. “But why do you need to know that?”

“It’s the twelfth? Shit!” He jumped out of bed and hurriedly pulled on his clothes. His behavior was still confusing me. What the hell was going on?

“Matt, what the hell is going on?”

“Got to pack.”, he muttered to himself, ignoring me. He began rifling through his drawers, throwing seemingly random items into a pile on the floor.

“Pack for what?”

“The tour!”, he shouted.

My heart stopped dead in my chest. Tour? Did he just say tour? Okay, he did not just say tour. Did he?

“T-Tour?”, I stuttered. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Finally he turned around to face me, holding a pair of his boxers in his hands. “Didn’t I tell you? Avenged Sevenfold is going on a year and a half long tour. And we’re leaving today. And I’m not packed yet!”

“You’re leaving for a year and a half?”, I asked incredulously. “And you’re just telling me now?”

“Yes. And I’m sorry, Hayley.” He gripped my shoulders and kissed me lightly before turning back to his dresser. “I guess it kind of just slipped my mind.”

“I can’t believe you.”, I muttered darkly. “So you’re just going to fuck me and then run off?”

“It’s not like that, Hayley.” His voice was calm and cool, the way it always was when he was trying not to get pissed. “It would never be like that. I would never do something like that to you. I didn’t plan to sleep with you last night, but this tour has been planned for months! It was a total coincidence.”

“Sure. Whatever you say.”, I grumbled sarcastically. I climbed out of bed and slowly began to pull on my own clothes. “I just wish you would have told me about this sooner!”

“I forgot, okay?” He reached under the bed for a suitcase and began to pile his clothes into it. “I just forgot. Give me a break.” Matt started chunking his toiletries in the direction of the suitcase. “But I’ll only be gone for a year and a half, so I’ll be back before you know it.”

He reached for me and pulled me close, his arms wound tightly around my waist. “I promise I’ll call you every night.” He kissed me softly. “I got to go. I love you, Hayley.”

“You’re leaving now?”

“Yea. Sorry.” He grabbed the handle of his suitcase and started towards the door. “I got to go. Bye!”, he shouted.

“Bye, Matt.”, I called after him. “I’ll miss you.”

several days later

“Okay, Miss Sullivan. We have the results from your blood test back.”

“Hit me.”, I said. I hadn’t been feeling well since Matt left, so I decided to see a doctor. And of course they ordered all kinds of needless tests and shit. Well, maybe I was just saying that because I was terrified of needles.

“You’re pregnant.”

“P-Pregnant? What?”

“Yes.”, the doctor said. “You are most definitely pregnant. Congratulations.”

“Yea.”, I mumbled incoherently. I stood up and stumbled out of the doctor’s office, my mind reeling at a million miles a minute.

Pregnant? I was pregnant? This couldn’t be true. But of course it was. Doctors were never wrong. But if I really was pregnant, that would mean it was Matt’s baby. God, I couldn’t tell him. He would want to leave his tour, and I couldn’t do that to him. His band was finally getting the attention they deserved.

A strange sound began to come from my purse, and after a minute I realized it was my phone. Glancing at the caller ID, I sighed miserably. Speak of the devil. But I couldn’t talk to him. Not right now. So with a heavy heart I hit ‘ignore’ and shoved my phone back into my purse.

~*End Flashback*~

“Mommy, are we gonna go see Uncle Jim Jim?”, Ava, one of my year and a half year old twins, asked from the backseat.

“Yes, sweetheart. That’s where we’re going right now.”

“I wuve Uncle Jim Jim.”, my other daughter, Ella, cooed. “He my favorite uncle.”

“He’s your only uncle.”, I laughed. “But we’re not going to be able to stay very long. Uncle Jim Jim just got back from his tour and he’s probably tired.” I turned the steering wheel and pulled into a driveway. “Okay, girls. We’re here.”

“Yay!”, they both cheered, bouncing up and down in their carseats. “We gonna see Uncle Jim Jim!”

I unfastened their seatbelts and they eagerly raced into the house screaming, “UNCLE JIM JIM!” I followed them slowly, equally as eager to see my brother, although not as antsy. Jimmy was the only one from Avenged Sevenfold who knew about the twins. I hadn’t told Matt. I had though that Jimmy might, but he kept my secret well.

“Ava and Ella, I thought I told you to be quiet-” I started to reprimand my daughters, but stopped short when I spotted not only Jimmy, but also the remaining members of Avenged Sevenfold sitting in his living room. Ella was seated on Jimmy’s lap, while Ava was on Brian’s lap, and they were both chattering away.

Everyone stared at me with a ‘what-the-fuck’ look, and my heart pounded. But thankfully, the reason they were staring at me that way wasn’t the same reason I had in mind.

“Hayley!”, Jimmy shouted. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see my twin brother.”, I said nervously. “Is that a crime?”

“Of course not.” He held his arms open wide. “Come give me a hug.”

I gave Jimmy his hug and of course all of the guys wanted a hug, too. I thought all was going well. No one had asked about the girls yet. Maybe I could get away with this. But then Zacky had to go and ruin my entire day.

“Hayley, who are these mini-yous you brought along?”

“This is Ella.”, I said, pointing to the twin on Jimmy’s lap. “And this is Ava.” I pointed to the twin seated on Brian’s lap.

Zacky studied them closely. “Hey Matt, don’t they kind of look like you?”

Oh God no.

Without saying a word, Matt looked up at my face, his own swimming with questions. I looked away, knowing my eyes would give away the truth.

“Hayley, is there something you want to tell me?”, he asked. The room was completely still. Everyone was waiting for my answer, one that would turn everything entirely upside-down.

With a soft sigh proceeding, I said, “They’re your kids, Matt. You’re their father.”

“How old are they?”

“A year and a half.”, I answered. “It must’ve happened that one night. The night before you left to go on tour.”

“And you never told me?”, Matt questioned accusingly.

“No. I couldn’t.”, I whimpered. “I just couldn’t.”

“We had two children, and you didn’t even tell me about them?”, he shouted. “Didn’t you think I would have wanted to know?”

“I don’t know, Matt. I just-”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me I was a father.”, he growled. Next, he pivoted around and stormed out the door, slamming it behind him as he left.

“Jimmy, watch the girls.”, I said before racing after Matt. He was already a good thirty feet ahead of me. He was huffing along with his hands stuffed into his pockets. I knew he didn’t want to talk to me. But I had to talk to him. I had to explain myself. If I was lucky, I would be able to sneak up on him, and he wouldn’t even know I was there until it was too late.

“Don’t even think about trying to talk to me.”, he stated, surprising me. Maybe I wasn’t as quiet as I originally thought.

“Matt, please.”, I begged. “Please let me explain.”

“Fine.” He stopped suddenly in his tracks and turned around to face me. “You have one chance. Now, explain to me why you didn’t tell me about my own children.”

“I didn’t want to ruin it for you.”, I said simply. The truth, and nothing less.

“Ruin what?”

“Your tour.”, I whispered miserably. “Avenged Sevenfold was finally getting the attention you guys deserved, and-and I didn’t want you to leave all of that. I don’t why I thought that way, but I did. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?”, he spat. “Is that all you have to say? Hayley, if I had known that I was going to be a father, I would’ve worked something out with the band. What you just said is no excuse for not telling me about my own children.”

“And...and I thought you didn’t want any kids.”, I stated.

“Why would you think that?”, Matt asked exasperatedly, flinging his arms away from his body in frustration. “I love kids. And having them with you...that would have made it even better. Because I love you, Hayley. I just wish you had let me be a part of their lives.”

“Well, maybe you can.”, I said, moving closer to him. “It’s not too late for you to come back. The girls would love to have you around, and truthfully, so would I. I missed you, Matt.”

“I missed you, too.” He smiled happily. “So, uh, why don’t you and the girls move in with me? My house is pretty big. Too big for me to have it all to myself, anyway.”

“Matt, that sounds perfect!” I reached up and kissed him on the lips, ever so sweetly. “You can start helping me pack my stuff tomorrow.”

“I want to go see them.”, he said suddenly. “I want to see my daughters.”

I grabbed his hand. “Then let’s go.”

As soon as I stepped inside the door, Ava and Emmy attacked my legs. They latched on and looked up at me precociously. “Mommy, where you go?”

Without answering their question, I pried them off of my legs and pulled Matt forward. The girls looked up at him curiously, studying him closely.

“Girls, do you know who this is?” They shook their heads in unison, still confused. “This is your daddy. Now, I want you to give your daddy a hug and tell him you love him.”

Ava and Ella attacked Matt, wrapping their small arms around his torso. They both kissed him on the cheeks, and I swore that was the happiest I ever saw him.

“We wuve you, daddy.”, they both cooed.

“I love you, too, Ava and Ella.”, Matt replied, his voice cracking. “Girls, how would you and your mom like to come and live with me?”

“Yay!”, they cheered. “We going to live wiff daddy!”

“I think they like you.”, I said to Matt.

“Alright. Let’s go home.”, he said, standing up. “Our real home. Together.”

Right where we belonged.