The Father I Never Wanted is the Person I've Always Needed

“Can you tell me what you were thinking? Did you know how worried you dad and I was?” Val glared at me slamming the front door behind us. I was shocked to see her in the car in her pink pj’s she hadn’t said one word the hole way home until we got into the house, now she was standing beside Matt who was rubbing her back trying to calm her down which was really pissing me off, I don’t know if it’s because I’m drunk or just because of the way she was yelling at me.

“No one asked you to worry about me, no one asked you to bring me here so I’m making the best out of a bad situation and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.” I turned to storm up the stairs but was stopped when a firm arm gripped a hold of me. I glanced up to see Matt glaring down at me. “You don’t talk to her like that young lady.”

I laughed bitterly “Fuck you.” the sound of his hand colliding with the side of my face echoed threw the house. I stared at him shocked and this time I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. I pulled my arms from his grip falling back slightly. He stood socked just staring at me. I threw my self at him hitting him as hard as I could screaming “I Fucking hate you.” over and over. He held onto my arms stopping my attack. “How could you do this to me?” I couldn’t stop myself anymore I was going to let it all out. “You abandon me, you don’t know how much it hurts to be five years old and watching all the other kids with their dads. To have kids make fun of you because your parents never loved you.” I tried my hardest to pull away from his grip but he wouldn’t let go . “I waited for you, every birthday I thought that if I was good enough you would come for me.” I fell to my knee’s staring at the floor. “I Wanted to have a dad more then anything in the world.”

“But now your here and your nothing like the dad I thought you would be, you fucking hit me!” I got fresh anger. “you don’t know what I’ve been threw in my life you didn’t give a fuck so why do you care now huh?” I glared up at his sad face. “Why am I good enough to be apart of you life now?”

“I-”Now look who was speechless I pulled myself out of his grip “I hate you both.” I turned and ran up the stairs slamming by bedroom door, locking it. I placed my hand on my burning cheek and sled down the back of the door and let the tears fall freely.

I don’t know how long I set their crying in the darkness of my room. I could hear the voice of everyone downstairs which meant they all seen what happened but at this moment it didn’t matter. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and called the one person I know would be their for me no matter what. It only rang a few times

“Grandma?”

“Baby what’s wrong? Why are you crying.” I suddenly didn’t want to have her worried about me so I said the second reason I called her.

“I miss you mama I miss you so much.” I choked back the tears. “I just need to hear your voice.”

“I’m here for you baby, and I miss you too. It’s just not the same without you here.” I could tell by her voice that she was starting to cry. “Your gramps has been going crazy here without you, he don’t have no one to laugh at all his jokes anymore.”

I smiled grandpa never could tell jokes but they why he tried so hard always made me laugh. I took a deep breath. “Tell him that I love him okay Grandma? And I love you.”

“We love you to sweetie just never forget that okay?”

“I wont grandma. I’m going to go so that you can go back to sleep.”

“okay call me tomorrow okay?”

“I will bye mama.”

“Bye baby.” I closed my phone with a sigh. I stood up pulling the long box from under my bed, and pulled out my guitar I slid out on the rough with the guitar in hand and started play the one song that has been in my head my hole life.

I wait for the postman to bring me a letter.
And I wait for the good Lord to make me feel better.
And I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.
Family in crisis that only grows older.
Why'd you have to go?
Why'd you have to go?
Why'd you have to go?

Daughter to father, daughter to father!
I am broken, but I am hoping.
Daughter to father, daughter to father!
I am crying, a part of me's dying.
And these are, these are, the
confessions of a broken heart!

And I wear all your old clothes your polo sweater.
I dream of another you, one who would never.
Never, leave me alone to pick up the pieces. Daddy to hold me, that's what I needed.

So,why'd you have to go?
Why'd you have to go?
Why'd you have to go?

I heard the door down stairs come open but I ignored it along with the pain in my face, I wanted him to hear me, so he can feel the pain he caused me. I want him to feel the pain now too.

Daughter to father, daughter to father!
I don't know you, but I still want to.
Daughter to father, daughter to father!
Tell me the truth, did you ever love me? Cause these are, these are,
the confessions....!!! of a broken heart! of a broken heart!

I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I ... I ... I ...
I love you!

Daughter to father, daughter to father!
I don't know you, but I still want to.
Daughter to father, daughter to father!
Tell me the truth, did you ever love me?
Did you ever love me?
These are the confessions of a broken heart!

Ohh ... yeah

And I wait for the postman to bring me a letter

I smiled I was finally getting what I wanted to be able to show him just how much he’s hurt me and I wasn’t going to let him get away with it anymore. I needed a new plan and I needed it fast. I pushed the guitar in the window first /i] started to fallow when I heard the sound. Was he crying? I shook my head. claimed the rest of the way in the window. He would have to care to cry.