Faithfully

The next morning I woke up again before Estella did. She looked as peaceful as possible, a slight smile gracing her face. I smiled slightly, kissing her forehead. She stirred but didn’t wake up, just moved around a bit until she was comfortably resting her head near my chest. I smiled as I watched her, but underneath my happiness was the heaviest feeling. I knew that she was going to be gone soon, and I had no idea what I was going to do without her.

“Jack?” Her sleepy voice broke into my thoughts, and I glanced down to see she still had her eyes closed.

“Yeah?”

“Oh, good, you’re awake.” She said, opening her eyes slowly and smiling up at me. I laughed quietly.

“Yeah, I am.”

“Well, good morning.” She said, reaching up and kissing my cheek. She wriggled out of my arms, getting out of the bed and moving to her bag, grabbing clothes and going into the bathroom. I heard the shower start and I sat up slowly. Things hadn’t been awkward yet, and I was thankful for that.

I got out of bed, moving to my bag and pulling out my cell phone. I quickly pressed speed dial two, and put the phone up to my ear.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Mom.”

“Jack! Sweetheart, how are you? Your father and I were getting worried, we didn’t hear from you yesterday.”

“I’m fine, Mom. We just had a really long day and I didn’t get the chance to call you, I’m sorry.”

“That’s alright, hon, I’m just glad you called. How is Estella?”

“She’s doing fine, she’s in the shower right now.” I said, closing my eyes. My mom and I both knew that ‘doing fine’ just meant that she wasn’t gone yet.

“That’s good. Where are you?”

“We’re in San Francisco right now.”

“That’s good, honey. You know to call me if anything happens, right?” I nodded, also knowing that by anything happening, she meant Estella dying.

“Yeah, I know. Mom?”

“Yes, sweetie?”

“I love you.” I had been missing her a lot lately, and while I was glad to take Estella on this trip, I hadn’t realized how much I would miss my parents. I had never been away from them for very long, and with Estella talking about her mom a lot, it had got me missing mine even more.

“I love you too, Jack.” I could hear the smile in her voice and it made me smile.

“I’ll talk to you later, Mom.”

“Alright, dear. Goodbye.”

“Bye.” I hung up the phone and sat back down on the bed. I ran my fingers through my hair, staring up at the ceiling. I didn’t even notice the shower had stopped until Estella was sitting next to me.

“What are you thinking about?” I glanced down at her, smiling slightly.

“Nothing, really. I’m gonna take a quick shower and then we can go, alright?” She nodded and I kissed her temple, standing up and grabbing some clean clothes. I took the shower and then came out to find Estella packing up our bags neatly. She turned and beamed at me, and it was then that I noticed how worn she was. She was smaller than usual. She had always been tiny, but it was like in these past few days she had been shrinking. She was thinner, and there were bags under her eyes like she was always tired, and her skin was paler than usual, and she just looked…worn out, like she was ready to crawl into a bed and sleep for a thousand years. She looked up at me and opened her mouth to speak, but she sneezed instead.

“Bless you.” I said, frowning. The sneeze had shaken her, literally made her body shake with the sneeze.

“Thanks.” She said, looking confused as to why she was sneezing.

“C’mon, let’s go.” I said quietly, picking up our bags and slipping on my shoes, walking out of the hotel room. I checked us out and helped Estella into the truck, getting into the driver’s seat and starting up the truck, pulling out of the hotel. She reached for the map, unfolding it quickly and scanning over our route.

“We’re going to be in Redwood City next,” She said, glancing up from the map to me. “That should be fun. You know, they say that those trees are the tallest and that you can drive your cars through them.”

“Let me guess. You want to drive through one?” I asked, an amused smile starting to form. She beamed brightly, looking more like the Broadway-bound Estella than the coffin-bound one.

“Please, Jack?”

I chuckled, shaking my head.

“Fine, we’ll drive through a tree.”

Within the next few hours, we passed several tourists traps, and while Estella begged me to stop, I told her that the trees were waiting and we had no time to stop. Neither of us made any mention of our confessions from last night, but there was something…different in the air. As if the secrets we had been keeping had been holding tension, and now that they were out in the open, the tension was gone.

We made it to Redwood City soon enough, and with a few directions we had made it to the edge of the forest. In front of us lay miles and miles of nothing but huge trees, shooting so high into the sky we couldn’t see the tops.

“Well, here we go.” I said quietly, driving into the forest. I had turned off the radio and rolled down the windows, and we drove past trees and through trees until we were in the middle of the forest. There was no one around us.

“Can we stop, Jack?” Estella asked quietly. I nodded, turning the car off and stopping in the middle of the forest. We got out slowly, in awe of the complete silence that surrounded us. Once we got past the silence, we began to hear the noises.

They were little at first, a rustling of leaves here or maybe a snapping of a twig, but then we began to hear birds chirping quietly to each other, or squirrels chattering in trees. Estella’s face was lit up, watching everything with wide eyes and a wide smile. She turned to me.

“It’s amazing,” She breathed, looking around again. I nodded, smiling slightly. She turned back around, coughing. I frowned, moving closer to her.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes, Jack, I’m perfectly fine. It’s just a cough, that’s all. Don’t worry.” She looked up at me, smiling to reassure me. I didn’t buy it; I could see the worry in her eyes.

“If you say so.” I said, leaning back against the truck. She nodded, standing next to me. It was quiet between us for awhile, both of us staring out into the forest and thinking about different things. She turned to me, breaking the silence first.

“Will you sing again? It was very relaxing and you have a nice voice.” I smiled slightly, glancing down at her.

“Sure. Any special requests?” I said, my smile becoming amused. She laughed softly, shaking her head.

“No, nothing specific. Whatever comes to mind first.” She said, leaning against me. I moved my arm around her shoulders as I thought.

I can’t fight this feeling any longer, and yet I’m still afraid to let it flow, what started out as friendship has grown stronger, I only wish I had the strength to let it show, I sang, grinning slightly at the irony of the words. She giggled, beaming up at me.

Even as I wander, I’m keeping you in sight, you’re a candle in the window on a cold dark winter’s night, and I’m getting closer than I ever thought I might, she sang quietly, and I looked down at her, grinning widely. I didn’t even know she knew this song, let alone the words.

And I can’t fight this feeling anymore, I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for, it’s time to bring this ship into the shore, and throw away the oars, baby I can’t fight this feeling anymore, we sang together, our voices growing louder and echoing through the forest. It was in this moment that I got a glimpse of what could have been for her. She was still extremely talented, even in her sickness. She would have been a brilliant performer.

Why? I thought, glancing up at the sky for a brief second. She continued singing until she was cut off by another violent coughing fit. I felt my heart drop and my stomach clench, my pulse racing as she coughed into her elbow, each cough wracking her body and making it shake aggressively. Finally the coughing subsided and she smiled weakly, an apology written in her eyes. I shook my head; silently telling her there was nothing to apologize for. I kissed the top of her head softly.

“Maybe we should go.” I suggested, and she nodded, climbing into the truck. I followed suit, starting up the car and driving through the forest, our thoughts in the same place.

Time was running out.