Falling Slowly

The rest of the week went by devastatingly slow for Rachel. Though she had been utterly thrilled with the assignment, and reprimanding, Mr. Shue had given the club—after she caught members of the club not participating, she had insulted them and felt a lot better—she was still concerned about her standing now that Gabrielle Adams was out to steal her spotlight. Rachel supposed she could confront the girl, but where was the class in that? It would be blatantly standoffish and rude—she’d never live it down if she pulled through. Rachel Berry knew she was a lot of things, and classy was one of them. Sure she had been a tad impolite on Monday, but in her defense, she was under a lot of stress! Jesse still hadn’t returned any of her calls or text messages, and she was desperate to speak to him. And now that the stress was gone—he would be back at school on Monday and couldn’t ignore her there—there was no way she was going to ruin the image she had so worked on, Sure, maybe the rest of the school didn’t appreciate or notice the image that she wanted them to see—she didn’t blame them, they were only in high school, after all, they didn’t understand talent—but once she was a star, once she was on Broadway, they’d always remember her as poised, elegant, and calm.

So when Monday came with a new week, Rachel was fully prepared to spring back into her star mode. She smiled to herself as she shut her locker. She was ready for Glee Club today.

Jesse, however, was nowhere in sight. She felt a little put off, but didn’t like it get to her. Instead, she convinced Quinn and Mercedes to spy on Vocal Adrenaline after Kurt discovered they were doing GaGa. It was ingenious, really. Lady GaGa was a phenomenon! With a little convincing, Mr. Shue too decided that they would use Lady GaGa as that week’s assignment, and she had been overjoyed. She was even looking forward to the boys’ performance of…well, whatever it was they were going to perform.

On Tuesday, a part of Rachel’s chipper attitude from Monday had worn off, but she was still upbeat, nonetheless. The girls, and Kurt, had decided to do Bad Romance. She was so excited that Gabi hadn’t even crossed her mind once!

“Rachel.”

Rachel’s heart sped up. She knew that voice! Quickly, she turned her head around to greet the owner of the voice. “Jesse,” she said with a big smile. “How was San Diego?”

“It was nice,” was his short reply.

She knew something was off. And she knew that he was still upset over the video; it was obvious. She wanted to scream and yank at her hair. She didn’t actually like Finn or Puck, she only wanted Jesse; she just wanted to give herself a new reputation. Of course, she now realized how silly wanting to have a bad reputation was and saw the error of her ways. How could he be so unforgiving? She was just a teenage girl!

“Before you say anything,” Jesse held up his hand and ran it through his curly hair, “I don’t want to talk about what happened before I left. It’s plain to see that you long for something I can’t give you, so I want to end this before I get hurt again.”

Rachel was shocked. “Jesse, I don’t want Finn or Puck. I want you.”

“You have a funny way of showing it,” he bit back.

“Honestly, Jesse, the video—it was nothing, can we just talk about it?”

“I’m not really not in the mood to discuss this with you right now,” said Jesse as he strutted passed her and into his AP French class. Unlike everyone else at McKinely, Jesse found Spanish to be a very horrible language and found no desire to learn it. He was one of the few who not only took French, but also excelled in it.

“We’re going to talk about this, Jesse,” Rachel grabbed his arm from behind. “After Glee Club, we’re going to fix this, alright?”

“Whatever.”

Rachel sighed. It was going to be a long day after all.

---

Gabi frowned. She sat alone in her AP French class, waiting for the first bell to ring and thinking about many things.

It was her second week at McKinely High, and she was still having trouble adjusting to her new life. Everything seemed to be backwards. When she had attended Carmel High before she moved to New York, glee clubbers were practically worshipped—especially Jesse St. James. The kids at her old Ohio high school had treated him like a god on Earth. She snorted and gave herself a mental pat on the back for never joining Carmel’s Glee Club. The way she saw it, there were too many overly ambitious snobs like Jesse, and she had no wish to be around people like that. She was far too simple, too plain to want a life full of ambition.

She was still frowning when she thought of how Mr. Shue had announced her part of the Les Mis Broadway revival. Yes, she had been specifically scouted for the roll, but she didn’t even want it. It was all her grandmother’s doing, anyway. The stupid, old woman practically forced Gabi’s mother to move them to the Big Apple after they learned about her father’s torrid love affair. Gabi shivered. She didn’t want to think about her father with another woman—it was just so wrong.

Still, she didn’t blame him for leaving her crazy mother. How could they be a normal family when her mother only thought of bringing her daughter to fame? She understood that her father had finally had enough, and that he couldn’t bear to see her struggle against her overbearing mother. She also understood that he was too weak to stand up for his own daughter and that he’d rather escape, saving his own skin, rather than help her. Surprisingly, she wasn’t bitter. She’d met plenty of wonderfully talented people whilst in New York City who taught her a lot about showbiz and ‘making it’.

She frowned deeper. Her thought process moved on from her confusion with school and dysfunctional family to Glee Club. Their assignment for the week was Lady GaGa. Kurt and the girls’ had already picked out the song they would perform as a group. They chose Bad Romance. Gabi wanted to grimace. She hated that song almost as much as she hated Lady GaGa. She didn’t understand the hype. GaGa was just a wannabe Madonna. She felt sick knowing that she would be berated for not dressing the part. When she got to school that morning, she noticed that all the girls in Glee had dressed as a different GaGa whereas she had opted to wear jeans and a grey Promises, Promises shirt. Oh yes, she was definitely going to be scrutinized even more.

Suddenly, a pile of books fell onto her desk. “This is my seat.”

“Well I’m sitting here right now, aren’t I? I guess you’ll have to find a new seat,” said Gabi in a snarky voice. She looked up to find a pair gorgeous blue eyes staring at her. She gasped. She could recognize those eyes anywhere.

“Jesse St. James?” she choked, already feeling butterflies in her stomach.

“Jesse St. James? I thought we knew each other too well for formalities,” he joked with a smile. Gabi could tell that he was equally surprised to see her; he just did a good job of hiding it.

“Things change,” she retorted, mimicking his playful tone. “So do people.”

He cocked an eyebrow at her. “So does that mean you don’t find me devastatingly handsome anymore?”

“It’s nice knowing that you haven’t changed since I last saw you,” snorted Gabi. She smiled flirtatiously at him before grabbing his books and shoving them back at him. He grunted. She gave him an innocent smile before saying, “Go find yourself a new seat, St. James. I’m not moving. You were gone for a week, so this is my seat now.”

He grinned pompously and walked over to the desk on her right. She rolled his eyes as he scooted his desk closer to hers. He took her right hand in his and gently kissed her palm. She shivered involuntarily. He grinned again. “So does this mean that you’re still irretrievably in love with me?”

“Are you still the same asshole I dated two years ago?”

“Yes,” he answered immediately. He still had her hand in his.

“Then I guess yes,” Gabi blushed before offering Jesse a shy smile, “I am still irreversibly in love with you.”

“I’m glad,” he said softly, kissing her hand again. “You know, Gabi, I missed you everyday you were gone. You don’t have to act shy around me—I know you, Gabrielle. I know you. I know your story.”

The first bell rang.

“I missed you too, Jesse.”

---

Jesse knew how wrong it was to lead Gabi on like that. He knew that he was with Rachel and that he shouldn’t have flirted with the other girl—but that was the thing. He knew, and he didn’t care. All he could think about was Gabi’s surprised face when she saw him. The smell of her pomegranate and apple shampoo that lingered in the air around her. Her childish laughter after hearing him joke around with her. The softness of her skin. Her hand in his. Her voice telling him how much she loved him. He wanted to know why she was back—she had moved to New York City a year ago, leaving him all alone. Why hadn’t she kept in touch with him? Why didn’t she even bother telling him that she’d be back? Why was she attending McKinely and not Carmel? Did she leave behind a boyfriend in New York? Did she really miss him as much as he had missed her? Did she think about him as often as he thought of her?

He was a man obsessed, and he knew it.

Well, he didn’t really think he was obsessed, per se. He did, however, know he was in love.

That’s why when he was supposed to be conjugating reflexive verbs in French, the only thing Jesse could picture was the first time he slept with Gabi.

They’d only been fifteen at the time, and she was nervous as hell. He smiled. He could recall how badly she’d been shaking. They made out on his bed for twenty minutes or so before Jesse decided that he wanted her. When he asked her if she wanted to have sex with him, she paled and went limp in his arms.

“I—I’m not ready, Jesse,” she had said. The shaking had begun. “We’re too young.”

“You’re never too young to be in love,” he said back, running a thumb over her bottom lip. “And I love you with all my heart, Gabi.”

“We’re only fifteen,” she whispered. “We’re too young.”

“I love you,” he insisted. “Feel this.” He took her hand and guided it over to his chest. While staring into her eyes, he placed her hand over his heart. “I love you,” he repeated. “I love you in this moment, and I’ll love you after it’s over. I’m here with open arms; I’m yours. Forever yours, faithfully.”

Gabi had smiled faintly. He quoted her two favorite Journey songs. “I love you too.”

Jesse’s smiled widened. He really had fallen in love with the small girl at the age of fifteen; it wasn’t a lie.

His phone buzzed, breaking him out of his daydream. He stole a glance to his left and saw Gabi’s head turned to the front of the room, giving their teacher all of her attention, and he felt his heart flutter. He adored how she gave everything her all. Still smiling, he reached into his pocket to check his phone.

ONE NEW MESSAGE.

His smile turned into a small frown when he opened the text message. It read:

Jesse, I really am sorry. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me before we see each other after school—I’m putting my pride on the line for you, just by apologizing. I love you, Jesse. Please.

Jesse felt like a bastard. He was fantasizing about his ex-girlfriend while his current girlfriend worried her head off, trying to win his forgiveness. It was all very wrong and deceitful. He felt dirty.

“Jesse?” asked Gabi quietly. “Are you okay?”

His head snapped in her direction. “Huh? Oh, I’m fine, Gabs.”

“Are you sure?” He nodded slowly and she bit her lip. “Class is over, Jesse. You’ve been sitting there, staring off into space for the past five minutes.”

“Oh.”

“Where’s your next class?” She held her hand out for him to grab. “We can walk together.”

He only stared at her hand. Before he knew it, he was pushing it away. He saw a range of emotions run through her. First shock, then confusion, then hurt, then nothing. “I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I don’t know why I did that.”

Her face softened a little. “It’s fine,” she said in a tiny voice.

“Gabs, I really am sorry.” As soon as he stood up, she fell into his arms. His arms moved on their own accord, pulling her small body closer to his. He unconsciously inhaled, and as soon as her signature smell went to his brain, he felt his whole body ignite. He was on fire whenever he was with her. He felt like he was a fifteen-year-old boy falling in love for the first time all over again.

“I love you, Jesse,” murmured Gabi against his chest.

He pictured Rachel’s smiling face.

Then, the feeling of euphoria abruptly left his body just as quickly as it had entered. In its place, a feeling of immense guilt took over. He felt dirty again.

He was the world’s biggest asshole.

“Are you okay, Jes?” she pulled away and asked once more. “You haven’t said anything.”

“I have a girlfriend,” he blurted out. He couldn’t stop himself; it was like word vomit.

Her blue eyes hardened into ice, and Jesse could see her walls going up. He wanted to pull her back into him, telling her that everything would be okay—but it wasn’t, so he didn’t cause he couldn’t promise something like that. It was promising a lie to the girl he loved. It was wrong.

“Don’t touch me,” she hissed, shoving him away from her. “You’re vile.”

Yes, Jesse St. James really was the world’s biggest asshole.