Crossroads of Life

“You want to consider adoption?” I asked her again to make sure I was clear.

“It’ll be hell to go through, but what other choice do we have?” Madison asked. “We’re not ready to be parents. I’m 24 years old Matt, I’m not ready.”

“I know,” I said, scratching my chin. “Will you be able to go through with it though. You have to think, you’ll be carrying the baby for another seven months. You’ll feel her kick and move, and with adoption, you’ll give birth, but go home empty-handed.”

“We have to think about what’s best for the baby Matt, and we’re not stable enough to raise a child.” Madison said. “We still have time to think things over, but we’ll have to make a decision soon.”

“I know,” I said. I looked up as Madison yawned. “Get some rest honey,” I said, standing up. “We’ll talk more about it later.” she nodded and let her eyes close. I walked back downstairs to see McKenna and another man, probably Maddy’s brother Brent, was in the living room. Brian, Suzy and Brian Sr. was nowhere around.

“They’re out back,” McKenna said. I just nodded and walked to the front door. “You okay?” Brent asked.

“I just need to clear my head and think things over,” I replied, opening the front door. I sat down on the porch steps, thinking over what was just discussed. Could I give my child up for a stranger to raise? It worked with Madison, but there was no choice with her. Her father wasn’t around and her mother died. We did have a choice though, and if we chose wrong, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.

I groaned as I realized I wouldn’t forgive myself for messing up my child’s life, either way we chose something could go horribly wrong. They could also go perfectly well, with our family remaining intact.

The door behind me opened and closed. I didn’t know who to expect to come out, but I know Madison’s father was the last person I expected it to be.

“What did she say?” he asked, sitting next to me.

“I think it should be up to her to tell you, you are her father after all.” I replied.

“True, but either way I’ll find out, so why don’t you tell me now,” he suggested. I sighed, knowing he was right. I took a deep breath and explained Madison’s thoughts. How she was too scared and young to have a baby, and about the adoption.

“I have to admit, I don’t like the idea of strangers raising my grandchild, but I agree with her on her not being ready.”

“I know, so do I,” I said. “I’m not ready for this, but I don’t think I would be able to watch her grow big with our baby, and then have nothing out of it.”

“Did you tell her that?”

“No, she started getting tired so I let her rest.” I said, rubbing my eyes.

“I don’t know what to tell you,” Brian Sr. said. “All you can do is talk to her and decide where to go from there.”

“Uhm, Mr. Haner,”

“Wait, you’re giving me a grandkid, you’re dating my daughter, call me Papa Gates,” he said. “It’s what everyone calls me.”

“Well, our thing with keeping the baby is, Maddy realizes that two set of grandparents are going to be left out of his or her life, and she doesn’t want that. I don’t wan it either, but it’ll be unavoidable.”

“What about between you two?” Papa Gates asked. “One of you will have to move.”

“That’s where we’re having trouble too,” I replied. “She’s starting to change her mind about Missouri, but that’s my home, that’s where I’ve spent my whole life, plus I have a company there I can’t just turn my back on.”

“Then don’t, but you have to decide what’s more important, your work, or your future.” he stood up and went back inside, leaving me even more confused. My work or my future? My work is what makes my future seem so bright to me. Without my work, I wouldn’t have the house I do now, but of course I could live and work anywhere. What was holding me back?
That’s when I decided what it was. Fear was the factor holding me back. Going on the road, being in the squared circle, it’s all I knew. I didn’t know anything else besides my life since joining in wrestling.

I knew I had to talk to people more, but I also knew the one person I needed to talk to more was Madison.

~POV: Madison~
A month after everything, I was still feeling the morning sickness and everything, but it was more than obvious my neck was on the mend. I was starting to be able to move it more and sit in up bed more as well.

Matt went back on tour a week ago, and it’s been hell without him being here. There was still so much we needed to talk about, but we didn’t have the time to. I new he was hesitant when it came to my idea of putting the baby up for adoption, but also knew he would go for it if he thought it was right for the baby.

“Are you okay?” Dad asked as he walked into the room, breaking me from my thoughts.

“I’m fine,” I said, adjusting myself on the bed. He sat down next to me on the bed and grabbed my hand.

“Sinking in yet that you’re having a baby?” he asked, smiling at me.

“Not really,” I muttered. “I guess it will when I start to show.”

“That’s the way most women are.” Dad said. “Have you thought anymore about things?”

“Only every minute I’m awake,” I replied with a sigh. “Matt and I need to talk more, but we can’t because of his schedule.”

“He said he’ll be back for his next break in about 3 weeks,” Dad said.

“I know, but we have to make decisions now.” I muttered.

“I know,” he said, rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand.

“Dad, come here a sec,” Brian said suddenly. Dad followed him into the hallway.

“Seems like you have some visitors.” Dad said when he walked back in. Two people walked into the room after him. My jaw dropped when I saw it was Mike and Rebecca.

“Hey, Matt told me where you were, I told Beck I was coming up and she wanted to come too.” Mike explained. “How you feeling kid?”

“Better,” I replied, which was the truth. The morning sickness was there, but not as bad as it was a month ago. My neck was progressing on track as well.

“Oh, uhm, how do I do this?” I started, looking back at my father.

“We’ll do it for you,” Mike replied. “Michael Hickenbottom, this is my wife Rebecca. I’m Madison’s biological father.”

“Brian Haner Sr. My wife Suzy is at work right now, and I’m Maddy’s adoptive father.”

“Thank you, for taking such good care of her,” Mike said. My head fell back, a little too suddenly for my neck. I watched as my fathers talked. Rebecca looked at me and smiled.

“So, you’re neck’s feeling better,” She mumbled. “What about everything else?” I gave her a confused look, but I knew I had panic lined in it as well. “Honey, I have two kids, I know what a woman goes through. Don’t spring it onto Mike when you tell him.”

“Then how do I?” I asked, taking in a deep breath.

“Tell him straight out, but don’t just blurt it out. Hesitate a few times before saying anything.” I nodded as both fathers turned back to me. “Oh, Maddy, time for your pills,” Dad said, starting to rush from the room. “Would either of you like a drink?”

“Uh, water would be fine,” Mike replied.

“I’ll go help you,” Becky said, giving Papa Gates a look. He understood it and accepted the help.

“So, you’ll be back in a few months right?” he asked.

“Uhm, actually, no. I don’t think I’ll be coming back at all.” I replied, trying to stop the break in my voice.

“Matt said your neck will be back to the way it was before.” Mike said, confused. “Why won’t you be back then? I’ve had tons of injuries, a few career threatening, but I came back on top.”

“It’s not the injury holding me back. I know we just found each other and everything, even when I was only looking for a few weeks. T-there’s something you need to know.”

“What?” he asked gently, grabbing my hand.

“Just know, it wasn’t planned, it was a one night thing that became so much more.” I said. He nodded waiting for me to go on. “I-I’m pregnant.”

“As in, having a baby, pregnant?” he asked, staring at me. I nodded, tears trailing down my face. “Some daughter I am huh?” I asked, a humorless chuckle escaping my lips.

“Matt,” he said, and I knew what he meant. The father of the baby was Matt. I nodded, covering my face with my hands.

“I’m the worst person in the world,” I muttered, sobbing.

“No, you’re not.” Mike said gently, grabbing my hands and bringing them from my face. “It was an accident right?” I nodded again, sniffling slightly. “Accidents happen Madison. Including ones like this.”

“But this one changes lives,” I said. “It’s adding a life, a life I’m not ready to help raise.”

“You’re what, twenty four?” he asked. When I nodded, he sat for a minute. “I was three years younger than you are right now when I found out you where on the way.” he said. “I wasn’t ready to be a father either, but I was willing to step up and take the role.”

“Why didn’t you?” I asked.

“I tried, believe me honey I tried. I was there for your mother for everything she needed and even wanted. I needed a night for myself, but apparently, I wasn’t allowed one night. She moved to LA the next day, taking you from me.”

“You could of followed her,” I pointed out.

“True, but do you really wish that would of happened? Look at the family you have now. I can tell they all love you with their whole hearts. Give it time Maddy, you’ll be ready for that little one.”

“There’s more to it than that,” I said. “Matt lives in St. Louis, I live here, neither of us are willing to move, and I don’t want you and Becky and Matt’s parents to go without seeing the baby.” I took a deep breath, and let it out in a rush. “I’ve been thinking about putting her up for adoption. I mean, it worked out with me right?”

“Yeah, but do you want your child going through what you’ve had to go through?” Mike asked me. “Even if it was just for a few weeks, you found out about your adoption, and that made you wonder about your birth parents. Do you want your son or daughter to be told about being adopted, then wondering why his parents gave him up? If they didn’t want him or if they didn’t love her? What did you think when you found out you were adopted.”

“That you and Natalie didn’t care enough about me to want me.” I admitted. “Then I was told Natalie died giving birth to me, so that changed that.”

“What about with me though? If it wasn’t for us finding each other, and knowing each other was, would you still have thought I abandoned you?”

“Probably,” I admitted.

“Think about it, do you want your child going through that as well? Do you want that baby inside of you right now to find out his parents gave him up, and think it was because you didn’t love him enough?” He stood up and walked to the door. “Just think it over. Everyone understands that if you keep him, we won’t get to see him as much as anyone would like. It’s up to you on what you want, all we can do is offer advice. Just think things over before you make a final choice.” He walked out of the room, leaving my head spinning. I knew he meant well, but now I was more confused than ever.