I Can't Hang

Bright, pure, unstained white.

It hurt like hell to look at it all. It was a color I didn’t see for ages, and being stuck in the drab rainy city for a month nursed my eyes into darkness. I felt like I was staring at the sun. And at first, all I could see was just that big old sheet of blankness – nothing else. No other people, not my hometown – and it scared the shit outta me.

But then I blinked. I was sitting down in front of James, and he looked just as puzzled as I was. Concrete wasn’t scraping at my knees; something softer was below me. The palms of my hands weren’t scraped anymore. The cut on my face was only a little scratch that wasn’t bleeding no more. It was a little mini heart attack when I could see again.

What could’a killed me was seeing Brady lying down next to me on his back, rubbing his eyes like he didn’t even know what the hell was going on minutes before. His shirt was still ripped from where he got stabbed, but what was left of it wasn’t hardly even noticeable. Wasn’t bleeding anymore. And when he sat up and looked over at St. James and me, he did it without even grimacing. No pain.

“What happened?” he asked, his tired eyes looking the same.

I was too busy gaping at him actually moving to respond.

And it actually took me a while to notice all of the other stuff going on around us. The more I blinked and was brought back into a level-headed state of mind, the more I could make out figures of people standing around us in a big circle. Pure white wasn’t the only color dipping into my vision. Bright gold halos hung above all of their heads, accompanied by soft wings drawn back from not being needed in this situation.

I did double takes all around the place. I didn’t realize where I was. All I knew for sure was that James and Brady somehow made it with me, and Brady was alive for the afterlife.

St. James stared upward, then shifted his gaze around the area until he finally said, “Oh my God.”

Brady cracked a smile. “I think you’re right.”

“Yes, you are,” an omniscient, scattered voice sounded from in front of us. I’d heard that voice before – not at all in my fourteen years of existing prior to all of that crap, but several times after that fateful February day.

Instinctively I scooted closer to Brady.

When I squinted into the distance, past all of the crowds of angels gathered before us, my heart skipped a beat at who I saw. And of course, it was God. The entity who I thought I’d never see again after They kicked us outta Heaven, and the ray of light who I thought never even existed until They gave me a second chance.

And They were shining right at me.

I looked over at Brady and he was doing the same, only with his face. Then I glanced at James and he had this look of wonder sweeping over his body.

“I’d say the same thing if I was in your shoes right now,” God chuckled. He moved closer, past the fence of angels and closer to us. “Well, I’d be terrified at first and wondering what’s going on, but I’d also say that.”

The three of us didn’t say a word. What the hell were we supposed to say?

“I guess you’re probably wondering why you’re all back here and I’m not fuming at the three of you,” They went on.

We nodded in sync.

“Well,” They sighed, casually strolling around, “I was amazed at what went on down there.”

“With us, or…” James coughed, having to clear his throat to speak properly.

God beamed. “I supposed ‘amazed’ would be a rather broad word to use. I was mortified at what the demons were doing to Manhattan, angry at Hell, betrayed by you, James, annoyed at you, Brady and Kyle, and later on I was pleasantly surprised at how you all handled the situation.”

Brady elbowed me. Something inside of me was glowing and I think it was the first time I genuinely smiled at him.

“I’ve never seen such a rapid and emotional turn of events. I saw what happened to Brady and how he’d tried his hardest to quell the demon uprising; you definitely worked hard and it showed. And you weren’t even an angel anymore. You sacrificed your entire eternity just to save your hometown.”

His hometown too? I knew he had that accent, but I didn’t know for sure that he came from Manhattan too…

“James, you protected a boy you hardly even knew from the chaos and saved Brady from submitting to Hell. I didn’t know why you broke my rules and frankly I’m still sort of aggravated by that,” God muttered, “but you sacrificed my blessing to help them, knowing that they did not mean any harm to Heaven. You’ve lived up to your nickname.”

He turned to me. Anxiety bundled up in my stomach and I could’a done backflips if any more nerves settled in. I didn’t even remember doing anything remotely good other than doing that last-ditch attempt to pray that felt weirder than anything I’d ever done. But any negative thoughts flooded from my system when I looked back up at Them and saw that They were brighter than ever.

“And Kyle,” he spoke softly. “Oh, Kyle, Kyle. What a boy.”

Brady snickered. I punched his arm.

“You came into Heaven not believing any of it. I know that. And Brady knew it too, which I know is why he wanted to pick you up in the first place. Everybody saw that you wouldn’t want any part of it, but he had been in your shoes and was eager to meet you anyway, which is another reason why I’ve forgiven what he’s done.”

I cocked my head.

“But what you did during the fight was absolutely amazing. I’ve never seen such a change. Ever. It was just…it leaves me speechless, and I’m never speechless,” They told me. “It’s one thing to pray in times of peril. But it’s something completely different when somebody who never believed in prayer does it anyway, right as the angels were closing in on the last of the demons. You had ushered in another wave of faith for the ones in the fight, and for that, you were the cherry on top.”

“It was tough,” I choked out. I was reminded of all of the confusion going on in my head at the time, seeing my home crumble before my very eyes. “And I wasn’t used to it.”

“And that is what makes it all the more special,” God smiled. “And that is why I’ve forgiven you – the three of you – and given you another chance to serve in the kingdom of Heaven.”

I stopped breathing for a moment.

This was it – what I’ve longed for since it dawned on me that all of this was real and I’d blown it. This was my chance to make up for all those years. And that one slip that landed God on the news. My vision blurred before me and I was taken into a dreamland – one that was filled with happy endings and good stuff that I never believed would come for me.

Heaven.

“What happened to Manhattan, though?” Brady spoke up, nonchalantly reaching over and hanging his arm around my neck.

God scooted a bit backwards – there was a smile in Their voice. “Your city has been rebuilt by our angels up here. And the best part is that nobody even knows what happened.”

“What?” I said.

“The angels stopped time.” James’s words were bright and clear. “Whenever there’s a battle that big, if the angels win, time gets stopped so that the area can be rebuilt. Our memories are still here, but Hell doesn’t remember anything about it or why they attacked – and Earth doesn’t know it at all.”

“Why the heck didn’t you do that when we fell from the sky?” I deadpanned.

God beamed some more. “We can only do it in times of major peril. And what happened was only small change compared to the breakout of demons.”

The world as I knew it was a lie. And somehow, I was okay with it.

God turned back toward us. “You three have been pardoned. If it weren’t for you, who knows what would have happened?”

My heart swelled with a feeling I hadn’t felt in ages. True, genuine joy. And it looked like Brady and James were feeling the same thing, ‘cause when I glanced at ‘em they appeared to be as happy as I was.

You know, I’m not real sure if I ever even deserved a second chance in the first place. Or if I was cut out for a third one after showing myself as an angel to the world. Getting kicked outta Heaven – now that was called for. And seeing my city fall to the ground wasn’t really outta wack either. But being accepted back into Heaven after all of that?

I don’t know why God took mercy on me, but I’m glad They did. Sometimes all you need is reassurance that somebody out there cares enough to forgive you. Not all of us do that. I know I didn’t. And it still sorta hurts knowing that.

But when my world got turned upside down from some idiot behind the wheel of a Toyota, something flipped in my brain. Only I didn’t really realize that until a lot later. Either way, I’m glad things turned out alright. They sure as hell weren’t the way I planned them to be or where I thought I’d end up, but I still like where I am.

But that’s sorta how life works.

James stood up and Brady followed, dragging me along with him by pulling me up. The angels surrounding us began to clap softly. As we walked forward to nowhere, not knowing what to do as born-again angels, I couldn’t help but smile to myself.

“We can go get your wings back,” James told us, shrugging.

“That’d be cool,” Brady said back.

I nodded along. Maybe then I could actually learn how to fly instead of flopping around like a dead fish in the air. It’d take some time.