I Can Transform You

POV: Gerard

“Why do you look like you’re about to cry?” Frank demanded roughly, glancing sideways at me and frowning as we walked out of our English classroom.

Jesus. Why is he always so snappy? Can’t he just say “are you okay?” like a normal person?

“I’m just angry that you wouldn’t let me hand in my essay,” I muttered, refusing to look at him.

My good, hard-working student reputation is being dragged through the mud here. Teachers are going to hate me when I become like Frank… I’m losing their respect. And my dignity…

Why am I doing this again?

I could feel Frank’s eyes on my face still, the same hard expression on his face.

“Look, do you wanna be popular or not?” he questioned sharply.

NOT. But I do want to destroy your reputation and get some payback for all the shit you've put me through... That’s right, I have a goal to reach here.

THAT’S why I’m doing this.

“I don’t see how not handing my homework in makes me worthy of popularity,” I grumbled, cleverly avoiding his question.

“It’s just one of the rules… You don’t do homework,” he snapped short-temperedly.

There are RULES to popularity? Oh dear God. I thought it was just like, a gift that certain people were born with or something. Well, it's all in the personality, isn't it?

“Well, that’s a stupid rule,” I retorted flatly.

Frank tutted at me and barked, “Don’t question the rules!”

I just tutted back at him, but I made a mental note to ask him later when he wasn’t being such an ass (if ever a time were to arrive) what the other ‘rules’ were.

“It wasn’t a question… It was a statement,” I pointed out like a smart-ass, causing him to let out a sigh of frustration and say, “God, why are you so annoying?”

Ah, excellent. Another one of my goals is to annoy Frank… Mission accomplished.

“If I'm so annoying, why are you helping me?” I asked flatly, still not understanding his reason for putting up with me. I had it set in my mind that there was someone, somewhere, following us around and aiming a gun at Frank's head. Let's face it, it was the only reasonable explanation.

“We’ve been through this,” he answered in an equally flat tone of voice.

Oh, sure, the whole ‘change’ thing…

He wasn’t about to say anything more on the subject. I was fully intending to say more, but then, suddenly, I realised where we were. I’d been totally oblivious to my surroundings throughout mine and Frank’s pathetic little argument, but now my eyesight seemed to be working again, and I didn’t like what I was seeing.

Frank and I were outside now, approaching the bike sheds, and all of his rowdy, loud-mouthed, dipshit-friends were gathered around, laughing and shouting their mouths off to eachother.

In that moment, it hit me what I was about to do. I’d managed to forget the part that involved me walking up to all of Frank’s friends that have been beating me up for the last six years, and announcing that I’m now one of them.

“Frank, wait - uh, are you sure this is a good idea?” I broke my short silence, slowing in my steps. My nerves were getting the better of me suddenly. “Your friends hate me… They’re not gonna be happy about this.”

Frank exhaled noisily and reached out to grab my shoulder, making me stop in my tracks completely. He didn’t stop or slow down though; he continued walking over to his crew, leaving me standing frozen to the spot, staring after him.

I didn’t like the fact that I was just standing in the middle of the playground by myself like a weirdo now. I stuck out like a sore thumb, and I was very aware of all the eyes that were on me. People must have seen me walking with Frank and were now wondering what was about to go down. (I was wondering that too…)

Kids were starting to gather in the sidelines, watching from a distance like the nosey fuckers they are. They were anticipating a fight or some kind of dramatic scene to take place.

Wait a minute…

Shit.

I’m so stupid!

I’ve just walked willingly into a trap, haven’t I? Frank and his friends are just going to beat me up in front of the whole school now, aren’t they?

Oh fuck, I gotta get outta here!

I was just about to turn on my heel and run for my life, when, suddenly, someone appeared right in front of me. My eyes darted from the floor to look at the face of the person and I was met with the captivating blue eyes of Frank’s girlfriend, Lydia.

I was not expecting to see her standing there; she’d never been within ten feet of me before. I was way too uncool to be near her, or any of the cheerleaders. But I’d never had any desire to be near them anyway.

“Gerard, right?” she greeted me, a smile creeping onto her lips.

My automatic response was to look over my shoulder to see if she was talking to some other kid called Gerard stood right behind me. (Yes, I know the chances were fairly slim, but you never know…)

There was no one stood there though. It was just me and her. No one else.

Why is she talking to me?

I just stared at her blankly; my voice seemed trapped in the back of my throat.

She didn’t wait for a reply though; it was as if she could read my mind, because she suddenly continued talking, offering an explanation.

“Frank’s told me all about you. He wants to make you popular, doesn’t he?” she asked me brightly, with a now perfectly-formed smile on her face.

My voice was still trapped. I’d never spoken to Lydia Ross in my life, so I was in a state of shock, really.

Despite having never spoken to her personally, I’d already formed a negative opinion of her from her reputation as a bitch and all the rumours I’d heard. But there was something about her that made me question my initial opinion of her. She seemed quite nice, actually… Pretty friendly.

“Um, yeah,” I just about managed to reply, and it came out as a mumble.

I wasn’t aware of the fact that I was staring at her fixatedly, until I felt a hand on my shoulder and I jumped in surprise, breaking out of my trance.

I span around to see who the hand belonged to and found Frank glaring at me. His hand left my shoulder to take hold of Lydia’s hand, pulling her with him as he started walking back towards his friends.

“Come and meet the gang,” he beckoned me with his hand as he walked ahead, not even bothering to look back over his shoulder.

No thanks, I think I’ll stay here.

I could feel all of Frank’s friends staring at me, their analysing eyes piercing into me… Judging me.

Every other pair of eyes in the playground was on me too, watching my every move. I fucking hated being centre of attention. I’d never felt so self-conscious in my life.

“Suck it up, Gerard,” a voice in my head suddenly ordered, and it sounded a lot like Frank's.

Right. I can do this. I just have to think of the outcome… My goal… It will all be worth it in the end.

I took a deep breath and held my head high as I started walking after Frank, towards his gang of threatening guys that looked like they wanted to kill me.

My legs felt like they were about to give away. Dear God, if they did, I probably wouldn’t get up. I’d wait for the ground to swallow me up and hope it wouldn’t ever spit me out.

The walk over to the bike shed felt like forever. I honestly thought I wasn’t ever going to get there, but eventually, I found myself standing right in front of all of Frank’s friends. There were about ten of them; some of them were standing, some of them were sitting on the wall, and all of them were glaring at me.

Oh, what have I gotten myself into?!

It was the most awkward situation I’d ever found myself in. No one said anything for what seriously felt like hours. I considered breaking the silence, but I couldn’t bring myself to. I was too nervous.

Then, finally, a dickhead I know to be called James suddenly broke the silence.

“So… we’re not beating him up?” he asked gruffly.

Oh, what a way for the ice to break.

My eyes focused on James. He was a big dude. And I knew all-too-well what it was like to be beaten up by him. Hell, it was only yesterday that he was attacking me. He’s literally always looking for a fight… He should be locked in a fucking cage.

James’ eyes were on Frank, as if he was asking his permission to beat me up. I followed his eyes and turned to look at Frank too. My fate rested in his hands. He’s the ringleader here. All he had to do was say the word and I would get beaten up by all these morons within seconds.

I realised for the first time just how much trust I was putting in Frank with this whole ‘plan’. It hadn’t occurred to me before, and I suddenly felt annoyed at myself for putting my faith in Frank without realising, because now I was vulnerable.

“No, James. He’s one of us now,” Frank retorted sharply, making the relief flood through me.

This response came as a pleasant surprise to me. I was still finding it hard to believe that he was defending me now. He’d gone from being my attacker to being my bodyguard in like a day.

“Hah, just ignore James,” another voice suddenly piped up.

I followed the sound of the voice and my eyes fell on another big-built dude called Matty; the other prick that beat me up yesterday.

“Gladly,” I muttered a little too loudly, voicing my immediate thought.

I expected everyone to get angry with me for being disrespectful to James or something, but I actually received a few smirks with my response. This gave me the impression that James was the one that they all liked to pick on and take the piss out of, all in the name of fun.

Matty looked amused, and he was staring at me almost with interest, one raised eyebrow and a smirk on his face.

However, James did not look so amused. He had a hard expression on his face. I could tell he didn’t appreciate my witty response.

“Fucker,” he muttered loud enough for me and everyone else to hear, but no one paid any attention to him.

I looked away from him, doing as I was told and ignoring him.

I turned my attention instead to Frank, who was leant against the wall, next to Lydia, smoking a cigarette. His posture was relaxed, but the expression on his face showed signs of stress.

I was waiting for him to say something, perhaps introduce me to his friends or something, but he was just staying out of the conversation. I wished he would get involved.

“What are you doing later, Gerard?” I heard Matty ask me, and I turned back to look at him.

“Me and Frank are going shopping,” I answered truthfully.

This earned a few laughs from the group, and I had a feeling that this time they were laughing at me, not with me.

“I didn’t realise you two were girls,” Matty smirked, glancing at Frank and raising his eyebrows.

“He needs new clothes, alright?” Frank snapped, only joining the conversation to defend himself, before falling silent again and taking a drag on his cigarette.

“If you say so. I think your leather jacket suits him... He looks like your twin,” Matty replied in a deadly serious tone of voice, but the smirk on his face and his actual words told me he was taking the piss.

Um, no. I look nothing like Frank’s twin. I wish I had Frank’s good looks, but I really don't. All the girls fancy him, and I can see why. He’s actually quite attractive... And man, does he know it. I’m not good-looking at all; I'm more like your 'average Joe' kind of guy in appearance. No girl has ever fancied me.

Matty suddenly turned his focus back to me and continued talking; “Well, anyway, I was just asking because everyone is coming round my house tonight for a party… You’re one of us now, so you’re coming, right?” he raised an eyebrow expectantly.

Oh, joy. A party with these fucktards…

“Sure,” I forced myself to accept.

Do I have any other choice?

I even faked a smile, but it was only half-assed.

“Oi, I think you’re forgetting to invite someone to your party,” Frank suddenly piped up again, talking to Matty.

Matty just frowned at him, looking lost. “Who?”

Frank mirrored the expression on Matty’s face.

“Uh, me, you fucking douche!” he swore, looking at his best friend in incredulity.

Wait, back up... Matty hasn't invited Frank to his party? That seems kinda odd...

Matty continued to frown at him, but he no longer looked lost. He just looked annoyed.

“I’m telling you now!”

“No, you’re not… You’re telling Gerard!” Frank corrected him, folding his arms childishly.

I wasn’t sure if this was a serious argument or if they were just messing around. For all I knew, play-fighting could be something they do all the time. But they both seemed pretty pissed…

I found the fact that they were getting annoyed with eachother over me quite funny.

In my head, I added another goal to my list of what I want to achieve in putting myself through this: Get in the middle of Frank and Matty as much as possible to make them fall out.

“Yeah, and you’re standing like three metres away from him. You can hear for yourself,” Matty’s flat voice suddenly interrupted my thoughts.

Are they still on this?

“Oh, whatever,” Frank grumbled, throwing his cigarette on the floor and putting it out with his foot. “C’mon, Gerard. We’re going shopping,” he stated out of the blue, standing up straight, getting ready to walk away.

I was confused by this sudden declaration. I knew we were going shopping, but I thought we were going after school… Not in the middle of it.

“Now?”

“Yeah, I can’t be bothered to go to my next lesson,” he told me bluntly. “Let’s go.”

I was still confused. The announcement just came from nowhere. It’s like something inside of Frank just suddenly snapped.

“Oh… uh, well, okay,” I spoke, sounding bewildered.

I was curious to know what was wrong with him, and I didn’t particularly want to anger him more than he already was, so I followed his command.

Frank didn’t say bye to anyone except Lydia, who he kissed and told her he would call her later.

I didn’t follow his example. (I didn't think he would appreciate me kissing his girlfriend, for a start...). I decided to say bye to everyone, because I needed to make an effort. I wanted them to like me. Frank didn’t need to make the effort anymore; they were already his friends.

“See you guys later,” I waved awkwardly, and then I hurried after Frank like his personal sheep.

Some of the guys responded and said “bye”, but not many. I knew I was going to have to work extra hard to actually get them on my side. Especially James.

Hopefully I could win them over at the party tonight.