I Can Transform You

Forbidden

POV: Frank

The game of spin the bottle was boring as shit and after about ten minutes everyone had given up on it. I was the first one on my feet, heading towards the kitchen in search of alcohol. I felt jealous and annoyed about Gerard kissing my ex-girlfriend and I was hoping that getting drunk would erase those unwanted emotions.

Unfortunately, I didn’t reach the alcohol in time. I had only laid eyes on it on the counter when I felt a hand grab my shoulder and someone suddenly span me round to face them. I was met with Gerard standing there with a big, goofy grin on his face.

“Did you see that?” He asked in an overexcited voice, his eyes practically bulging out of his head. “I kissed that girl!”

No, I didn’t see, because I didn’t look. I didn’t want to watch, thank you very much.

I rolled my eyes and dropped my gaze downwards as envy suddenly stabbed me in the gut again, followed by a wave of self-hatred for feeling jealous.

“Frankie,” Gerard called me by my pansy-name for a second time, this time in a whiney voice. I frowned at the floor. “Did you hear me?” He sounded confused that I was ignoring him.

I sighed and raised my gaze reluctantly until my eyes locked with his once more.

“Yes, congratulations, Gee,” I replied bitterly, putting extra emphasis on my new pansy-name for him that I’d just thought of that second.

He looked genuinely confused by what I'd called him, wonderment in his eyes.
“Gee…” he repeated, looking as if he was trying to work out who that was.

“If you insist on calling me a sissy name, then I’m doing the same to you,” I explained with a nonchalant shrug.

For some reason, a wide grin suddenly spread across his face. Anyone would have thought I had just given him some amazing news, not a lame new name.

“I like it,” he declared, nodding so enthusiastically that he seemed to throw his whole body out of balance, making himself stumble backwards. He giggled and said “whoaaa!”

I could picture him falling on his ass and my immediate reaction was to grab hold of his arm to keep him steady and upright. I didn’t want him to cause a scene by collapsing on the floor. People were already filtering into the kitchen and the last thing I needed was for Gerard to make a fool of himself when I’m trying to make him popular.

“God, you’re so wasted,” I muttered, rolling my eyes in disapproval.

I bet he doesn’t even remember that kiss by the morning…

“At least I’m having fun,” Gerard stated flatly. “You’re boring as fuck tonight.”

Oh, he did NOT just call me that!

I gave him my best ‘bitch-say-what?’ face for that remark.

He’s practically the King of boringness, so he can’t talk! He wouldn’t even be at this party if it wasn’t for me working my ass off to get him to popularity status (which he still hasn’t even reached yet) and make his social life less of a fucking yawn-fest…

“Fuck off, I am not!” I huffed defensively, snatching my hand away from Gerard’s arm.

He nearly lost his balance as a result of my loss of support, stumbling backwards slightly. I had no sympathy for him; he did this to himself. I didn’t even care if he made an idiot of himself in that moment either… He’d pissed me off.

“Wow, I touched a nerve there,” he muttered, raising his eyebrows at me and grabbing onto the counter with one hand for support.

The only reason it pissed me off is because Gerard is the one who said it. Where doeshe get off callingme boring?! Seriously…

All of a sudden, Gerard’s crush, Laura, waltzed into the kitchen with two other girls, talking and laughing. I groaned inwardly.

I watched Gerard closely as his eyes focused on and followed her as she walked right past him, avoiding eye contact. She clearly wasn’t interested in her spin-the-bottle-make-out-buddy, like he so blatantly was. He couldn’t stop gawking at her.

Quite frankly, I didn’t like that he was checking her out. Plus, I wanted to escape before Laura spotted us and came over to talk (which I knew she probably would), so I grabbed Gerard by the arm and dragged him out of the kitchen.

The hallway was crowded with people and Gerard was staggering all over the place in his drunken state, trying to push me off him yet holding onto me for support at the same time.

“Frankie!” I could hear him whining behind me, but I ignored his objections.

I continued holding him up as I lead him out of the front door to escape from the busy crowds. Outside there were only a few people who were gathered around smoking and talking.

“…fuck you doing?” Gerard grumbled, pulling his arm out of my grasp and nearly losing his balance again in the process. He grabbed onto the wall for support.

“Gerard, I don’t want you getting involved with Laura,” I told him candidly, not really looking him in the eye as I casually retrieved a packet of cigarettes out of my pocket.

“Who the fuck is Laura?” He frowned, looking completely lost.

So, they aren’t even on first-name terms yet and Gerard still fancies the pants off of her…

“The girl that you were just mentally undressing when she came in the kitchen,” I retorted flatly, putting one cigarette between my lips and searching my back pocket for a lighter. “You know, your make-out buddy.”

“Oh,” Gerard responded, still frowning at me. “Why not?” He demanded upon realising I was forbidding him to get with the girl he was desperate to get. “She’s fucking hot!”

“She’s also a bitch,” I muttered, lighting my cigarette.

I inhaled the poison into my lungs and then breathed out slowly, polluting it into the atmosphere.

“So?” He narrowed his eyes at me. I narrowed mine back at him. “I heard she’s easy… That’s good enough for me!” There was a smirk playing on his lips and his words were slightly slurred.

Having dated Laura myself, I can confirm that she is easy… She’s a slut and that’s what ultimately broke us up.

That was not something I was expecting to hear come out of Gerard’s mouth. That was like something I would say, but not him. He’s not really a shallow bastard about girls like I am… He’s not exactly a womaniser, is he?

“You’re a virgin, Gerard. Stop acting like an ass,” I scoffed, taking another drag on my cigarette.

It bothers me that he’s acting like a prick, because I know he’s not really one.

“Well, I don’t wanna be a virgin anymore!” He shouted dramatically, making me cringe as everyone outside within a one mile radius turn their heads in his direction. “Fuck it, I’m nearly eighteen… I wanna get laid!”

Jesus, his teenage hormones and testosterone levels are through the roof tonight… I blame the alcohol.

I grabbed his arm again and pulled him away from all the people staring at him, even though he was quite oblivious to it, because it wasn’t good for his image for everyone to hear this conversation.

I took him round the corner of the house where it was just me and him.

“Well, you don’t want to rush into anything,” I told him maturely, being sensible for once.

I’m usually the idiot. I don’t know what’s gotten into me… Where has this maturity come from?!

“Jealousy,” a voice in my head suddenly spoke up in answer to my thoughts.

“Fuck off,” an irritated voice replied to the first voice.

“Oh, shut up! When did you lose your virginity? When you were, like, 12?” Gerard snapped, rapidly getting frustrated with me.

I stayed silent for a moment, fighting the memories that were suddenly coming to the front of my mind. The voices in my head were immediately silenced by the painful flashbacks.

“I was fourteen the first time I slept with a girl,” I mumbled, telling only part of the truth.

I decided to avoid the fact that I was even younger when my virginity was stolen from me… I imagine it would be quite a conversation-killer if I mentioned I was sexually abused as a child. I say ‘imagine’ because I’ve never tried having that conversation with anyone before, so I wouldn’t know.

“Exactly! I have gone a whole 17 years without sex and if I go much longer I’m going to self-combust!” Gerard exclaimed dramatically.

The memories of my past trauma that were flashing through my mind were making my heart erratic. I was vulnerable. I felt like crying, but I held it in. And I felt like punching Gerard because he was getting on my nerves, but I just about managed to hold myself back and keep my emotions under control.

I didn’t reply; I just sucked in the poison of my cigarette in order to keep my shit together and not lose it completely.

“You promised me you would make me popular and get me laid, remember?” Gerard continued, oblivious to the inner-struggle I was having with my emotions. “So, why are you saying I can’t hook up with Laura?”

“Because she’s my ex-girlfriend,” I finally revealed, making Gerard’s hardened face fall.

He knows the rules of friendship; you don’t date your friend’s exes.

“Oh. Well, why didn’t you just say that?” He sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

I just shrugged as I took one final drag on my cigarette before tossing it on the floor. My eyes wandered around Matty’s dark garden, rather than staying fixed on Gerard.

I was still being haunted by my own forbidden memories of my past, and it was getting worse. I could now hear the sounds of my own screams and fearful pleas on the night my father and I were attacked, resounding in my head.

My efforts to keep my shit together were slowly failing. I could feel something snapping inside of me, pushing me over the edge. The tears stung my eyes and a lump rose in my throat.

“I’m gonna go home,” I spoke in a strained voice, breaking the short-lived silence abruptly.

I was no longer in the partying mood. I just wanted to be alone.

“It’s not even 11’o’clock,” Gerard scoffed, looking at the time on his phone.

I said nothing as I started backing away from Gerard. I pulled my hood over my head and stuffed my hands in my pockets, trying to hide away.

Gerard suddenly looked up at me and his eyebrows furrowed slightly as he stared at me closely. Even in his drunken state, he could tell that something was wrong.

His lips mouthed words that looked like “are you okay?” but I could hear nothing but the voices and flashbacks in my head from the fateful night six years ago that changed everything.

I saw no point in lying because Gerard wouldn’t remember this conversation by the morning, so, I shook my head in honest response. I didn’t wait for his reply before turning my back and just walking away from him as fast as I could, without looking back.
♠ ♠ ♠
An update! Finally!

I am so sorry for the stupidly long wait on this. My reasons are three-fold:
1) I was following MCR on tour around Europe for 2 weeks, so I've been pretty busy.
2) I have had a major writer's block for this story.
3) I started writing a new frerard story (which I may or may not post on here) and I've just found it easier writing that recently.

So yeah. I'm very sorry! D:

But thankyou all for reading/subscribing :)

And a special thanks to my wonderful commenters:
TheFabulousKilljoys
fabulous killjoy
Annalia
Shed Your Yellow (thank you for pointing out the error - it is now corrected!)
Phoenix_xX
haushinka1039
lesbianwooman
XxVesperusxX
baysway
reject_revenge
frankieroxlover
Sweet Pandemonium
Lotte_music
septicemia
nightsgrow
I'll Hold Them Back
MyBeautifulGeemance
michelle-y
Christ!
ella_cage

:)

(PS- the pictures have stopped uploading properly on the site I always use, so I don't know if I will be using pictures in this story anymore :/)