I Can Transform You

Running From Reality

POV: Gerard

I managed to track Mikey down in a matter of seconds, ringing him on his mobile. He was at Alicia’s (shocker). I told him Dad found his porn stash and he had to come home because he was grounded, just for the lolz.

I hadn’t been so successful in tracking down Frank though. Mainly because I wasn’t even trying to. I didn’t want to speak to him, damn it. And even if I did, I had no way of getting in touch with him. I didn’t even have his phone number.

But less than ten minutes after my call, Mikey was home, running straight through the front door and up to my bedroom, where he barged his way into my room, panting heavily and all red in the face, as if he had literally ran all the way here from Alicia’s house. (It was possible… She only lived a few streets away.)

“Did you fucking sprint here?” I voiced my thoughts, raising my eyebrows at my brother as he clutched onto my door for support.

“Dear God, how did Dad find my porn?” He gasped in between sharp breaths, rudely ignoring my question.

I stared at him with my best pokerface, pretending to be oblivious.

“What?”

“My porn! How the fuck did he find it?!” He demanded frantically. “I hid it under my goddamn floorboards!”

Huh. Thanks for that information, Michael.

I wasn’t expecting such a strong reaction of utter panic from my brother. My initial goal of hilarity was definitely accomplished. I couldn’t help but smirk at him, a mischievous glint in my eye.

“Jeez, I was only joking. You don’t have to die over it!”

I mean, seriously. He’s such a fucking drama Queen.

Mikey furrowed his eyebrows and opened his mouth and snapped it shut a few times, before saying; “You’re a jerkface and I hate you.”

I smirked more at that.

“Love you too, bro.”

I just loved winding him up, okay.

“So, there was absolutely no point in me coming home then?” He asked flatly, looking like he wanted to punch me.

“Well, of course there was. I’m not that mean that I would make you sprint here for no reason,” I defended myself, rolling my eyes at him. “No, Dad has some big news to tell us apparently. He wanted you here. He also wants Frank here, but I don’t know how to get hold of him and I don’t particularly want to, so… fuck that.”

I don’t see why Dad would want Frank to be here. I know he tries to make us all seem like a family, but we’re not. We’re really, really not… So he should stop trying to make it happen.

“Oh. Wait, I have Frank’s number,” Mikey suddenly realised, reaching into his pocket to get his phone. “I’ll give him a call.”

I didn’t try to hold in my groan of disapproval, but I did reply in a very sarcastic tone.

“Fantastic.”

Fucking Mikey. Why does he have to be friends with Frank?!

After a few failed attempts, Mikey finally managed to get through to Frank and tell him to come home. Which, unfortunately for me, he did.

By the time he arrived, Mikey and I were sitting on the sofa in the living room, and I was explaining half-heartedly why I had been expelled from school. When Frank suddenly waltzed into the room I just fell silent mid-sentence, my eyes fixed on his.

He stood there kind of awkwardly, clearly trying to focus his gaze anywhere else in the room except on me, but failing miserably. Our eyes were attracting like magnets to eachother, though our emotions were inwardly repelling us.

“Oh, hey Frank,” Mikey greeted nonchalantly, typically oblivious to the high tension that was now suffocating us.

“Hey,” Frank jerked his head, his eyes darting quickly to Mikey, then to the floor, and then back to me.

An uncomfortable silence filled the room then. I wanted to say something to Frank, but I didn’t know what exactly. He seemed unsure about whether to speak to me, opening his mouth like he was going to say “hi” and then shutting it again almost immediately.

Awkward situation was fucking awkward.

In the end, he sighed and headed over to the other sofa to take a seat, ignoring me.

Mikey raised his eyebrows at us both and shuffled uncomfortably in his seat, finally feeling the suffocating tension.

“Sooo…”

He trailed off and I could literally hear his brain racing, searching for some kind of conversation filler. But several seconds passed and the conversation was still not filled, so clearly his mind was unhelpfully blank.

But then, just when we were all rapidly being consumed by the deafening silence, my Dad entered the room and relieved some of the tension. Slightly. Enough to make Mikey physically exhale in relief beside me, anyway.

“Oh, good. You’re all here,” my Dad smiled, looking round at us all, blissfully unaware of the tense atmosphere.

We all stared back at him with blank faces, waiting for him to get on with his oh-so-important news.

“Okay, so, uh… The reason I called you all here…” he cleared his throat, clearly starting to feel the tension himself. “I just wanted you boys to be the first to know that, as of last night, Linda and I are officially engaged!”

And with that bombshell, my life pretty much exploded.

“Wow, congratulations, Dad!” Mikey exclaimed cheerfully, jumping from the sofa to go over and hug him.

I remained frozen in shock on the sofa, feeling a little overwhelmed by this information. My eyes were darting all over the place, most frequently in Frank’s direction. The shock was written all over his face, and I could tell he was overwhelmed too.

He held my gaze for a moment, and his eyes darkened. I just knew he was thinking the same as me: “We’re officially going to be step-brothers… Brothers… Fuuuck.”

“Uh, Frank? Gerard?” My Dad spoke again uncertainly, looking at me almost pleadingly. Pleading me to show my support. Mikey was also looking at me like “say something jerkface!”

I felt torn in two, between being a good son and expressing my true feelings. My true feelings were all negative… I did not approve. But then, I couldn’t be immature about this and storm out of the room, because what kind of son would I be then?

Plus, the only reason I didn’t approve was because it meant Frank becoming part of family… And that was so self-centered of me. I needed to stop thinking about myself and try and be happy for my Dad. After all, it was amazing news that he’s getting married again.

Just why, God damn it, WHY must it be Frank Iero’s mother?

“I’m, uh… I’m happy for you, Dad,” I managed to say in the most convincing tone I could muster, forcing a weak smile.

Frank, on the other hand, didn’t seem able to take the mature option. He did exactly what I forced myself not to, and stormed right out of the room, slamming the door behind him to make his point clear: he was NOT happy about this.

My Dad’s face dropped in great disappointment and he hung his head, letting out a long sigh. I felt really angry at Frank for reacting like that and upsetting my Dad. He’s such a self-centered asshole.

Without thinking, I jumped up from the sofa and ran after him. He was already half-way out the front door.

“Oi!” I shouted irritably, but he didn’t even look over his shoulder at me, he just continued stomping his way down the driveway to his car.

I didn’t take the hint to leave him alone, just like he didn’t with me earlier today. I ran outside after him, slamming the front door behind me. This caught his attention; he glared at me as he opened his car door.

“This is fucked up,” he spoke angrily, jumping in the driver’s seat and pulling the car door shut without waiting for my response, which would have been "Yes, it is fucked up, but don’t be such a self-centered asshole about it."

Again, without stopping to think what I was doing, I hurried over to his car and climbed into the passenger’s seat, determined to make this argument happen.

“What are you doing?” He asked in frustration, a hard expression on his face. “Get out of my car.”

I defiantly put my seatbelt on, just to frustrate him even more.

“Fine. Suit yourself,” he growled, then he pressed a button that locked all the car doors, trapping me inside.

And then, all of a sudden, his engine roared as he started it up and then reversed from the drive at high speed.

I wasn’t expecting him to drive away with me in the car… I thought having me in the car would make him get out of it. Now I felt a little worried for my own safety. Frank drives like a maniac at the best of times… I must have a deathwish to be sitting here in the death seat with him in such a bad mood.

“Where the fuck are we going?” I frowned, gripping my seatbelt against my chest slightly as Frank increased his speed a worrying amount at the sound of my voice.

I noticed his grip on the steering wheel was so tight his knuckles were going white.

“I’m going to Lydia’s. I don’t know what the fuck you’re doing in my car,” he retorted flatly, driving round a sharp bend so fast I’m surprised the car didn’t flip over.

I pushed myself back as far as I could in my seat, fearing for my fucking life. I remained a little paralysed in shock, saying nothing for a few minutes on end. But then, I couldn't stand it any more.

“Look, can you just pull over?” I asked urgently, freaking out now.

“No. You made the choice to get in the car,” he snapped, braking very suddenly to avoid hitting another car that was turning into a junction.

His erratic driving was giving me fucking heart failure.

“Yeah, because we needed to talk, not because I wanted to die!” I exclaimed, gripping onto my seat for dear life.

Although, in my panicked state, I’d pretty much forgotten what I even wanted to say to Frank. Now I just wanted him to take me home and let me out of this fucking car.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” he retorted flatly.

His voice was ironically calm for someone who seemed determined to kill me by driving a hundred miles per hour on a dangerous road like this one.

He’d lost his fucking mind.

“Why are you being like this?” I cried, closing my eyes because the world was flying past in a blur outside the car window and my life was literally flashing before me. My heart was beating like crazy. “Do you hate me so much that you want to kill me now?”

My words finally seemed to be getting through to Frank, making him realise that he was going to end up killing us both if he carried on driving like a fucking madman.

He sighed, then he slammed on his brakes again, and I was thrown forward by the force of it, my seatbelt digging into my chest.

The car finally came to an abrupt stop and I dared to finally open my eyes, finding that we were pulled over in a lay-by in the middle of fucking nowhere.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I choked, clutching my overly energized heart. “You are such a self-centered bastard!”

...Oh shit, wait. Did I really just call him a bastard? Fuck. He has no Dad… Wrong choice of insults, Gerard.

He killed the engine and sunk back into the driver’s seat, rubbing his temple in a distressed way.

Even after he almost tried to kill me, for some reason, I felt bad for calling him something that was so relevant to his real life.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“I know,” he cut me off in a small voice.

Everything was silent for a moment, and I racked my brain for something to say, only drawing up blanks.

“I miss him,” Frank suddenly muttered, taking me by surprise slightly. I knew exactly who he was referring to and I didn't really think now was the best time for him to pour his heart out about his Dad again.

He turned to look at me, his eyes searching mine for something I wasn’t quite sure of.

“I never thought my Mum would re-marry,” he continued sadly.

I realised then that Frank wasn’t upset about this marriage for the same reason I was… He was more concerned about the fact that his Mum was officially moving on from his Dad. This was closure that Frank didn’t want.

“Ohhh,” I responded slowly, trying so hard to think of something comforting to say because, for some reason, Frank looked like he really needed my advice.

I was angry with him for so many things, but somehow, when I looked into his pleading eyes all the anger seemed to momentarily disappear.

“Well, uh... It has been six years, Frank… She was bound to move on some day,” I offered hesitantly, not really knowing what he wanted me to say. “I never really thought my Dad would re-marry either. Marriage is so... final, you know? I mean, like, there’s no chance of my Mum ever coming back now... But, uh, I guess there wasn’t much chance of that anyway,” I trailed off in thought, and Frank stared at me attentively.

I realised that he was so desperate to hear my view on it, because I was going through the same thing as him. He needed my support.

“I know it's hard... but we need to be mature about this,” I continued with a sigh. “I promise you, my Dad is a great guy… and your Mum seems pretty great too. The main thing is they make eachother happy… so we should be happy for them.”

Frank averted his eyes out of the window and nodded slowly in agreement. The silence took over again for a while, before he finally broke it.

“So, looks like we’re gonna be brothers...”

Okay, now there’s the part that freaks me out.

“Uh, yeah,” I murmured, thinking how insane it was that Frank had gone from being my number one enemy, to my friend, to my love interest, to my future brother. "It's weird."

How the hell did we get here?!

“If us liking eachother wasn’t wrong before, it definitely is now…” he mumbled, turning to stare at me quite fixatedly.

It is definitely frowned upon for ‘brothers’ to like eachother in that way, yes…

“It was wrong right from the start,” I muttered, staring down at my lap to avoid his intense eyes.

I thought we’d established that Frank and I ever getting involved with eachother was messed up… But we just had no control over our feelings.

And we still don’t.

“Then why did it feel so right?” He asked quietly, his eyes still piercing into me.

Ugh, I don’t fucking know… Our hearts are traitors.

I kept my thoughts in my head and remained contemplative, slowly lifting my eyes to meet his. They were practically staring into my soul, and I was feeling his pain and his desire stronger than anything I’d ever felt in my life.

In my eyes, love and hate remained, conflicting.

Without taking his eyes off of me, Frank unbuckled his seatbelt and shifted over in his seat, moving closer to me. Only half-aware of what I was doing, I mirrored his actions. The next thing I knew, we were slowly leaning towards eachother, our lips meeting half-way.

“Uh, Gerard… What are you doing? You spent all afternoon crying over this guy, and now you’re fucking kissing him? LOOK AT YOUR LIFE. LOOK AT YOUR CHOICES!” a voice in my head sounded, but I ignored it, bringing my hand up to Frank’s cheek, kissing him fiercely, with want and need.

His hand was wrapping itself in my hair, as he stuck his tongue in my mouth to tangle passionately with mine. My traitor heart was exploding and my mixed up mind was racing, but I couldn’t tear myself away. Couldn’t stop kissing him back like my life fucking depended on it.

It wasn’t just the fact that I had strong feelings for him, even after everything that had happened... He was a fucking amazing kisser, okay. Just everything; the pressure of his lips working against mine, the way he used just the right amount of tongue, and the way he occasionally stopped and just nibbled my bottom lip, leaving me a hot and breathy mess.

I was fucking melting into the kiss, never wanting it to end.

“But what about what happened earlier? You hate him! …Okay, you don’t hate him… But you’re angry about it! Why are you not acting like you’re angry about it, God damn it?” the same annoying voice piped up again in my head, putting me off slightly.

I detached my lips from Frank’s and turned my head. He wasn’t phased by this movement; he just progressed to kissing along my jaw, and then down to my neck, tracing his lips over the last hicky he gave me. I moaned faintly and bit my lip.

“I still hate you for telling Matty my secrets,” I breathed, my heart pounding so hard I thought it might break free and just go straight to Frank.

Frank still didn’t seem phased. He kissed my neck softly and then murmured against it, “And I still hate you for not believing me about that.”

He leaned back and pressed his lips to mine again, and I held onto his face, holding him in place so I could kiss him until my heart’s content. The void he had ripped open inside of me only hours ago was filled by just the touch of his lips. I never wanted to let him go. Never wanted to feel empty again.

I knew that the moment we broke apart, I would be kicking myself for letting it happen. The voice in my head would be back, shouting louder than ever, and I would come to painful realisation all over again that Frank betrayed me and everything we had was over.

It just didn’t feel over right now… And I didn’t want it to ever be.

But then, as if Frank could hear my clingy thoughts, he suddenly pulled back, breaking the kiss, much to my disappointment.

“It’s, uh… It’s getting dark. Maybe I should take you home now.”

I didn’t want to go home. I didn’t want to go back to reality, and back to how things were between Frank and I... I was enjoying this negligence too much. I didn’t want to think about all the arguing and the pain that we had gone through. I wanted to run away. With Frank.

“Can’t we just stay here?” I asked in a small voice, my hand slipping into his and intertwining our fingers.

He looked down at our hands, holding onto eachother like they needed eachother. Everything was quiet for a moment, then he sighed heavily, ruining the tender moment.

“Gerard, I... I have to tell you something.”
♠ ♠ ♠
Listen to 'Summertime' and tell me the lyrics don't TOTALLY fit with this story right now. xD

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