I Can Transform You

POV: Frank

I was moping around the school, keeping my head down low and trying not to draw too much attention to myself for once, when I spotted Matty heading for the Boys’ toilets. Like a stalker, I homed in on him, following him into the toilets.

“Oi, I need to talk to you!” my booming voice echoed around the empty bathroom.

He jumped slightly in surprise and wheeled around to face me.

“Jesus! Don’t fucking creep up on me like that!” he hissed, looking noticeably pissed off by my presence.

“Who told you about Gerard’s mother walking out on him?” I demanded curiously, getting straight to the point.

I was unnerved by his knowledge about Gerard’s past, because I hadn’t told a soul. I would never betray Gerard and spread his secrets like that. And yet somehow, everyone knew and Gerard blamed me.

Matty smirked in a way that was more evil than amused, shaking his head and looking everywhere except at me. He really couldn’t look me in the eye.

“This is fucking serious, Matty,” I spoke sternly.

My whole body was tense and so was the suffocating atmosphere between us. I was definitely in no mood to joke around now. My life was basically on the line because of Matty spreading Gerard’s secret around the school. That was what started all of this shit and transformed Gerard into a revenge-seeking lunatic.

“Oh, please. As if I can take you seriously anymore,” Matty scowled at the wall, taking me by surprise and throwing me off-course with the conversation. I wasn’t expecting such a cold response.

“Um, what is your problem?” I frowned deeply, irritated.

“You’re my problem!” he shot back, making me recoil from the blunt anger. “Jesus Christ, get out of my face, I don’t want to talk to you.”

He held his hand up at me like an immature teenage girl trying the whole “talk to the hand ‘cause the face ain’t listening” routine. I was starting to think he’d lost the plot.

“What? What the fuck is wrong with you?” I persisted, screwing up my face in confusion. “I haven’t fucking done anything!”

I couldn’t recall doing anything to piss Matty off… I was literally clueless as to what he was angry with me about.

Finally, he turned to me, looking me up and down with an expression of disgust, and I suddenly felt more exposed than I had ever felt in front of him before. He was staring into my soul. My soul which I had never bared to him before and hadn’t ever planned to.

“Oh, is that right? So, you haven’t been lying to me and every other fucker in this school about who you really are then?”

Oh my God. He knows? How the fuck does he know?!

“I - what? N-no, I don’t - What the fuck are you talking about?” I stuttered frenetically, trying so hard to play the fool.

Matt continued to shoot daggers to me with his eyes.

“You’re fucking gay, Frank!”

I froze, my airways becoming restricted. I tried to remain calm, but it was practically impossible.

“No, I’m not! I’m not fucking – I – No, that’s bullshit!” I stammered in protest, evidently panicking by the accusation.

I’m NOT gay, though. With the exception of Gerard, I’ve never been attracted to another dude. It doesn’t fucking count if it’s only one person.

“Who the fuck told you that?”

Was it Gerard? Was this the first-grade revenge he was talking about? Because I could just deny it… It wouldn’t ruin my reputation.

“The same person who told me about Gerard’s mother,” Matty revealed unexpectedly, ruining the forming ideas in my head.

He narrowed his scrutinising eyes at me and I stared back blankly, my mind frantically searching for answers that were staring me right in the face.

Who is this person who apparently knows all of my secrets?

“You!” he hissed when I failed to realise who he meant.

Me?! I think I’d know if I revealed my (inaccurate) sexuality and Gerard’s secret to my best friend…

“When did I-”

“Oh, you didn’t tell me to my face, Frank. Of course you didn’t, because you’re a two-faced fucking pussy!” he shouted furiously, his voice echoing round the empty boys’ toilets, making me recoil slightly. “I overheard you and Gerard talking in that classroom at school yesterday… overheard you confess your love for eachother! What the fuck, man? Fucking Gerard Way. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

He looked repulsed by the idea. And by me, in general. I just stood there in silence, dying of shame on the inside. I didn’t know how to defend myself from the truth. The confrontation had caught me way off-guard; the barricade around my heart was down.

I couldn’t believe he found out yesterday and he didn’t say anything. Seriously, he seemed fine with me yesterday, and now I find out he was hiding my own secret from me… Sure, he made a few snide remarks, but I had no idea of the depth of his anger.

Let’s put this in context…

He overheard Gerard and I confess our love to eachother, then he decided to reveal to Gerard our wicked plan to ruin his life, also mentioning his mother, to make Gerard think I was a backstabbing liar. When, in reality, he had only found out about Gerard’s past from overhearing our conversation…

This lead to him and Gerard having a fight, and Gerard getting expelled. And then, he rang me and pretended to be completely fine with me, all the while laughing callously as he recounted the fight and Gerard’s expulsion to me, knowing full well what he was saying was destroying me.

Then, he got his hands on a copy of an MSN conversation Gerard had with that Bryar kid, which showed that Gerard had an ulterior motive to ruin my life, and he was so fucking smug when he gave that to me. He knew it was killing me. In fact, I think I recall him making a few snide remarks about how I must be heartbroken… He fucking knew all along.

I can’t believe he knew and he said nothing… Just hated inwardly…

“You’ve been lying to me for as long as we’ve been friends… Pretending to be someone you’re fucking not!” he continued ranting at me, shaking his head in disbelief. “I thought I knew you, but I don’t know you at all. You’re so fucking fake!”

“Matty, I can explain,” I began quietly, already sounding defeated. Because come on, I can’t explain this at all. Everything he’s saying is true.

“Fucking explain then!” he exploded dramatically, making me flinch from the volume. “Explain why all this time you’ve been obsessed with hating him and making his life hell, when really, you love him! You’re a fucking fag!” he spat at me again, disgusted by everything about me.

I wish he would keep his fucking voice down… Anyone could walk past the boys’ toilets and hear us. And this is not a conversation I want anyone to hear.

“I’m not! I don’t – I just – messed up. But I love Lydia, not Gerard!” I defended lamely, suffocating from guilt at the thought of betraying Lydia.

“That’s the thing though,” Matty growled, his fiery gaze burning a hole in me. “It’s not just that you lied to me about pretty much everything - it’s that you cheated on Lydia. She didn’t fucking deserve that… You don’t deserve her.”

I wanted him to stop talking right now. I felt bad enough about everything as it was; I didn’t need the lecture. But he persisted in telling me what I didn’t want to hear.

“She should be with someone who wouldn’t lie to her… Someone who would always care for her and love her… Someone like me.”

As soon as the words were out of Matty’s mouth a heavy silence consumed us. I stared at my ‘best friend’ in shock, trying to process what he had just said. Did he really just say my girlfriend should be with him?

“Wait, what?”

No, seriously, what the fuck?

Matty shrugged and fixed his gaze on the floor, unable to look me in the eye suddenly.

“Okay, so, I’m in love with Lydia, big fucking surprise!” he exclaimed sarcastically, as if it was common knowledge and nothing new.

But of course it was fucking news to me. How was I supposed to know my so-called best friend was in love with my girlfriend? I couldn't even process that in my brain. It's so fucked up.

“You – what? No… fuck you! You’re not allowed to fucking love my girlfriend!” I shouted angrily, giving up trying to keep my voice down. The anger was coursing through my veins like lava, burning me, consuming me.

“Well, tough shit, because I do! And guess what?" His dark eyes flicker back to mine, hiding a secret that was about to turn my life upside-down. There was a horribly smug look on his face that I wanted to punch off, as he declared: "She loves me too!”

"Bullshit!" I exploded, clenching my fists tightly and trembling with the mounting rage inside me. "She agreed to marry me! And she's having my baby!"

His expression suddenly transformed from a smug one into a pitying one, and I found it even more infuriating, because what the FUCK does he have to pity me about here? He's the sad, desperate, fucking PATHETIC loser who loves a girl that doesn't love him back!

“Yeah, well..." he shrugged nonchalantly, as if unphased by my words, before smiling falsely and saying in a low voice: "You might wanna have a DNA test on that baby before you say it's yours."

His words were a knife straight through my back and into my heart. And for several seconds, I just stood there paralysed to the spot, as his words sunk in and cut right through me.

Two of the only people I had ever trusted with my life had decieved me in the worst possible way. My best friend... And my girlfriend... Had slept together.

The betrayal was too much for my heart to handle and I could feel something officially snapping inside of me, making it hard for me to breathe.

“You son-of-a-bitch!” I choked out, throwing myself at Matty with raised fists, aiming for his face.

But I didn’t get very far, because he fought back just as angrily, all his built-up rage at me for lying to him coming out in several hard punches. I just ended up staggering backwards as his iron fist repeatedly collided with my face, until he was slamming me up against the wall and then shoving me to the floor like a rag doll.

I didn’t even attempt to get back up and fight, because I knew I stood no chance of winning here. He’s like twice my size, with a hundred times more muscle. There’s a reason he was always the one acting as my bodyguard, attacking everyone, while I stood back and watched...

And now here he is attacking me; throwing away six years of friendship. He was like a brother to me… But it turns out I knew him as well as he knew me: not at all.

“Fuck you, Frank, you are dead to me,” he spat down at me, glaring at me in disgust, before turning and storming out of the toilets, leaving me bleeding and broken, both emotionally and physically.