I Can Transform You

POV: Frank

I’m not someone that ever likes to show emotion, or let people see me at my weakest, but as I sat there floor of the toilets, I couldn’t control the tears streaming down my face. I knew anyone could walk in and see me, but I was officially too broken to move. My jaw definitely felt like it was broken, but still not nearly as badly as my heart.

Besides, there was little point in trying to uphold my ‘popular kid’ reputation now; it was all over for me. I’d lost everyone I ever cared about, and I was soon to be the biggest fucking joke of the school.

All of my worst fears were coming true and I wanted the ground to fucking swallow me up and never spit me out.

My shaky sobs echoed around the room, bouncing off the walls, and I didn’t even care who might hear me. That was, until one of the bathroom stall doors creaked open and someone cautiously stepped out of it.

And then I fell deadly silent and just stared at the person standing in front of me, seeing me at my most vulnerable.

“Oh, Frank,” he gave me a sympathetic look, which I couldn’t help but resent.

Had he been here the whole time? Jesus, this is a new level of digging-for-gossip, even for Mikey Way.

He took a hesitant step towards me and my whole body tensed.

“Please go,” I croaked, pulling my knees up to form a barrier between me and him, burying my head in my arms. I felt so embarrassed to be seen like this, and this wasn’t just anyone, it was Gerard’s brother.

I listened out for the sounds of the door opening and footsteps fading away, but they didn’t come. He wasn’t leaving. In fact, the next thing I knew, he was crouching on the floor beside me and putting a hand on my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me. But did I want to be comforted? No. No, I fucking didn’t.

I snapped my head up and opened my mouth to tell him to fuck off, but at that very second, the door to the toilets’ swung open and in walked a kid called Justin who I happen to fucking loathe.

I hastily wiped my eyes and shoved Mikey’s hand off my shoulder, but it was too late: Justin had already seen me at my most vulnerable, crying and fucking bleeding. And now he was just standing in the doorway, frozen, staring in disbelieving glee.

“Well, well, well,” he broke the silence, frowning and smiling brazenly at the same time. “What do we have here?”

I said nothing and made no attempt to move, too crippled by the intense shame I felt.

Mikey, on the other hand, was quick on his feet.

“Get the fuck out of here, Justin,” he snarled, advancing slowly on Justin in a threatening way I’d never, ever seen from him.

Mikey’s always been the nice one. The chilled-out kid that everyone gets along with. Who the fuck knew he had an aggressive bone in his body?

Justin seemed just as shocked as me, staring at Mikey with wide eyes. I’m pretty sure him and Mikey are actually friends. But then again, Mikey is friends with pretty much everyone… And he’s being a fucking good friend defending me right now, even after everything I’ve done to his brother.

I don’t deserve anyone defending me. I brought all of this on myself. I’m my own worst enemy.

I should never have put my trust in Matty or Lydia. I shouldn’t ever have lied to everyone about who I really was. And I definitely shouldn’t have hurt Gerard like I did.

I screwed up so many times, it’s ridiculous. And now I’m pretty much dead to everyone, including myself.

“I better go spread the word that the day has finally arrived… Frank Iero has finally cracked,” Justin declared smugly, before turning and running out the door.

As soon as the door closed, another overwhelming wave of emotion hit me and the tears began to fall again like ticking bombs.

“I can’t take this!” I cried, putting my head in my hands, closing my eyes to try and make it stop. I needed so badly for it to end and it hadn’t even started yet. “I can’t t-take people seeing me like this…”

In a matter of seconds, Mikey was back on the floor beside me, putting his arms around me and holding my shaking body. Normally, I would push someone away for trying to comfort me, because I don’t like to depend on other people in any way. I had a hard enough time trusting people even before all of this… Now I’ll never trust again.

But I couldn’t even find the strength in me to push Mikey away. I found myself melting into his arms instead, squeezing my eyes shut and pretending he was his brother. He certainly smelled like Gerard; clearly, they used the same aftershave.

“They don’t have to… Justin’s only one person. No one else has to see you like this,” he offered hesitantly, clearly not very good at this whole comforting thing. “You can walk out of here with your head held high.”

Fucking hell, doesn’t he get it? The damage is irreparable. Justin was right; I’ve finally cracked. There’s no going back for me now.

“I can’t even fucking get off this floor, Mikey… There’s no point, I’ve lost everything!” I sobbed pathetically, drowning in my own self-hatred and self-pity.

Mikey squeezed me harder and persisted with his cliché words of (little) comfort.

“I know it probably feels like that now, but things will get better… They always do.”

How will this get better? I just found out my girlfriend cheated on me, so that’s well and truly over. I just got fucked over by my best friend/sidekick/brother of the last six years. And then there’s Gerard, who is probably the true love of my life, and he hates me just as much as Matty, and is surely planning my downfall right now.

Oh, and I expect that by the end of the day, the whole school is going to know all of this about me. They’re finally going to see the ‘real’ me.

“Yeah, I’m sure I’ll feel much better once your brother gets his ‘revenge’ and destroys whatever’s left of my fucking pathetic life,” I replied sarcastically, finally pulling away from Mikey’s arms.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and inhaled slowly, trying hard to regain my composure. The only way to do that though was to deny the source of all the pain. To live in ignorance for just a second.

All of a sudden, Mikey climbed to his feet again, looking like a man on a mission. Although I wanted him to leave me alone, I wasn’t actually expecting him to...

“Where are you going?” I demanded, my voice coming out more whiny than I wanted it to.

“To talk to Gerard,” he retorted heavily, making my heart skip at the sound of his name. “I’ll be right back.”

“Take your time.”

I’ll just be here, hating life…

*


POV: Gerard

I was in the middle of my English class, pretending to be paying attention, but secretly staring at the empty chair beside me where Frank would normally sit. Apparently he had decided to skive today’s lesson… Shocking. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d fled from school after our little chat earlier. I could see the fear in his eyes when I mentioned my revenge… He’s not brave enough to stick around and find out what I have up my sleeve for him.

I kept going over my plan in my head, making sure I had everything sorted down to the last detail. I’d already checked the tape, and amazingly, it was the right one. And yeah, watching back mine and Frank’s encounter in that classroom yesterday was very emotionally painful for me, but I knew it was what I needed in order to show everyone the real, unmasked Frank Iero.

Besides, I didn’t care what people thought of me after all of this. I didn’t mind if they knew I was homosexual and in love with Frank; I wouldn’t be hanging around this place. I was getting out of this shithole school, once and for all. Frank was the one who had always been ‘king of the school’… It was finally time to dethrone that motherfucker.

I was smirking evilly to myself, as I silently rehearsed my speech for the assembly, when out of nowhere, my brother came running into the classroom, all panicked and out of breath.

“Please, Sir, Gerard needs to come with me… It’s a family emergency!” he pleaded with my teacher, and oh my God, my heart literally stopped.

I didn’t wait for my teacher’s permission, or for everyone’s shock to subside, before jumping to my feet, grabbing my bag and running out of the room with Mikey.

“Holy shit, what’s going on? Is it Dad? Is he sick? Is it Grandma’s heart?” I rambled in panic, the fear flooding through me like a river, polluting my mind.

Mikey pulled along the corridor to a secluded spot before he stopped and just turned to me, his expression no longer showing any signs of panic.

“Everyone’s fine, I just needed to talk to you,” he explained calmly.

My face immediately dropped into a deep frown and I just glared at him, wondering why annoying brothers happen to good people.

“For fuck sake, Mikey, you scared the shit out of me!” I hissed, clutching my heart as it finally kickstarted. “If this is about your hair gel, I swear to God-”

“It’s about Frank,” he cut me off gravely, catching me off-guard in the conversation completely.

I narrowed my eyes questioningly and he continued readily, launching into a detailed story about overhearing Matty and Frank arguing in the toilets. Apparently, Matty had overheard mine and Frank's conversation in the classroom yesterday and he knew everything... Jesus Christ, that was a twist in the story. And I guess it explained how Matty knew my secret... Frank didn't tell him, after all.

I nearly died from shock at that part of the story alone, but there was more to come.

"Then, Matty revealed he had been having an affair with Lydia... The secret's finally fucking out," Mikey exclaimed, seeming to enjoy spreading the gossip, like per usual. "And then, he beat Frank up - as if his words weren't enough - and now Frank is having some kind of emotional breakdown in the toilets."

Well... that's a lot of information to take in forty seconds.

“Holy shit…” I raised my eyebrows, trying to process everything I'd just found out. Mikey’s really outdone himself with the gossip this time. “Well, it’s about fucking time the whole Matty/Lydia thing came out… Kind of ironic it came out today, on the same day Frank’s relationship with me is due to come out…”

It’s looking like a bad day for Frank right about now.

“Right, well, that’s the reason I came to talk you,” Mikey sighed, making me furrow my eyebrows at him sceptically. As IF that's the reason. There was gossip; he had to tell it. “You can’t go through with your little plan for revenge now," he told me sternly, making my face drop for a second time. "Whatever it is, Frank won’t be able to handle it. He’s already in pieces right now, you’ll destroy him.”

Wait, what? I wasn’t expecting him to defend Frank here… I thought he had come to tell me all about his pain and laugh with me. I don’t appreciate his caring for Frank; he should be on my side.

“Mikey, he deserves everything that’s coming to him. I don’t think you understand… He broke my fucking heart!” I retorted angrily, making all kinds of dramatic arm gestures.

“I know he’s hurt you in the past, Gee, but two wrongs never make a right!" my brother continued to defend him, getting me increasingly worked up. "Seriously, I’m scared what he’ll do if you push him any further…”

Well, he never cared how far he was pushing me over the last six years… I still remember the days he used to spit at me in the corridors. Or kick footballs at my head in the playground. But the transition from physical to emotional abuse was the worst… When he lead me on just to push me away, or gained my trust only to break it, over and over... That killed me.

And all this time, I’ve just let him abuse me. I’ve let him walk all over me, right from day one. But not anymore; now it’s his turn to suffer like I did.

“Mikey, it’s going to happen,” I stated firmly, refusing to acknowledge the foreboding feeling in my gut. “I’m going to show the whole school a video of Frank declaring his love for me, and you can’t stop me! Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going back to class.”