I Can Transform You

Conscience

[img]http://www.fileden.com/files/2009/5/30/2460685/frank_iero==large-msg-11511185319-2.jpg[/img]

POV: Frank

“Hey, where have you been?” I heard a familiar voice suddenly ask, and confusion flooded through me as to why I was hearing it.

I closed my locker slowly to find Gerard standing right there. Less than a metre away from me. I recoiled slightly, taken aback by his confidence and presence, and just damn right nerve to invade my personal space.

My eyes immediately darted up and down the corridor in search of any witnesses that might see Gerard talking to me, because it was potentially damaging to my reputation.

See, Gerard and I have a relationship of hate that is famous in our school. I abuse him and he ignores me on a daily basis in front of everyone. We're sworn enemies. So, why the fuck is he talking to me now?

Thankfully, the coast was clear, because lunch break was over and most people had gone to their lessons. I was just about to meet Matty and my friend James round the back of the school by the bike sheds; we often skived off there to drink, smoke, take drugs, etc.

I was supposed to be in English, but I rarely attended English lessons these days. The seating plan frustrated me to no end, because I had to sit next to Gerard. Mr Harris, the moron of a teacher, put me there on purpose… He isn’t a fan of mine. He said I am a delinquent who could learn a thing or two from a nice boy like Gerard.

Mm, no thanks.

It's funny though, because Mr Harris used to completely kiss my ass and his attitude towards me only changed the day he tried to tell me that he was like me when he was in high school, and I laughed in his face. If you knew him, you would understand why… He’s the joke of a teacher who always comes back from the bathroom with his tie sticking out of the fly of his pants. And he's basically just one of those annoying, try-hard teachers that forgets they’re a teacher sometimes and their goal in life is trying (and failiing) to make the class laugh with the lamest jokes ever.

Also, if you knew me, you would understand why I laughed. Because that's the thing; no one really knows me. Especially Mr Harris.

So, I scoffed, “Did I ask for your life story?” Because, hello, I didn’t. Why the fuck should I care what he was like as a teenager? Anyway, he flipped his shit and kicked me out for being disrespectful.

That was a few months ago. The next day when I went to English the whole seating plan had been rearranged, and Gerard and I were next to eachother. So yeah, I didn’t go back to his lessons after that.

I was quite surprised by the fact that Gerard was lurking in the hallway at this time though; he’s such a goody two shoes.

I just stared at him blankly for a moment, before my expression transformed into one of annoyance. Aside from the fact that he was even talking to me, I was annoyed by his prying question.

Where have I been? None of your fucking business!

“What do you want?” I retorted flatly, raising an eyebrow at him.

I felt like he wasn’t worthy of an answer to his question, so I just ignored it.

He looked very awkward standing directly in front of me, staring at his feet for a second, and then at me for another second, and then at my locker, and then at me again, and then at the floor. Watching his eyes dart all over the place was making me dizzy. Was it so fucking hard to just look me right in the eye?!

“Your mum has been pretty upset,” he mumbled, shuffling uncomfortably on the spot.

My eyebrows shot upwards hearing this.

“I find that hard to believe,” I scoffed, rolling my eyes dramatically. “She doesn’t give a shit about me, or y'know, anyone but herself.”

I was trying to keep my tone strong and emotionless, but even I could hear the sadness emerging. Gerard obviously could too, because he was looking at me with sympathetic eyes that I didn't appreciate. I mentally kicked myself for letting my guard down in front of him. Again.

Panicking, I added in a gruff voice, “What? Don’t look at me like that. I don’t need your pity, Way.”

Gerard quickly diverted his eyes to focus on the floor, so I didn’t have to see that look of sympathy any longer.

“I just… know how you feel,” he murmured, taking me by surprise.

“No, you don’t,” I argued automatically, dismayed by the fact that Gerard thought he could relate to me.

Why does everyone assume they know me or how I feel? They fucking don’t! No one does anymore… Not even my closest friends. So, how could my number one enemy have any fucking clue? He doesn’t know a thing about where the misery begins. I’ve seen and been put through shit that would chill him to his very core, so he should stop trying to see through my hard exterior and just be fooled by it, like the rest of the world.

Gerard let out a sigh and turned to walk away from me, creating a surprising sense of disappointment in me. For some reason, I didn’t want him to walk away from me... Even if I was being a dickhead about it, we were talking about something I’d been too embarrassed to share with anyone else...

I’d never told anyone about my feelings towards my mother… I’d sound like a pansy for saying she doesn't care about me. But it’s true. She wasn’t there with me when Dad died… It was just me and him. And she wasn’t there for me any of the times I desperately needed her after that... I was more alone than ever.

But here I was, sharing private information with my number one enemy. It was as if something about Gerard just made me let my guard down, whether I wanted to or not. Perhaps it was the fact that he was the loser kid and I trusted that he wouldn’t judge me as harshly as the others. But still, he was my enemy… I shouldn’t want to talk about my problems with someone I hate!

“Shouldn’t you be in English?” I called after him, still confused as to why he was skipping class to come and talk to me about my mother being upset or whatever.

He stopped instantly and turned back to face me.

“Uh, yeah,” he nodded stiffly, rubbing his neck in an awkward way. “I was just going to give you something, but-”

“Well, what is it?” I demanded impatiently, cutting him off because I was so intrigued.

I guessed it was probably something unexciting like a letter from the principal, summoning me to his office on account of my skiving. Of course I would pay the letter no heed...

But it turned out to be something more exciting than that. Gerard took a few hesitant steps towards me and held out a white, plastic bag for me to take. I frowned at him questioningly, before dropping my gaze to look in the bag at its contents, letting curiosity get the better of me.

I could just make out a rectangular, metal object, and I thought I knew what it was, but I couldn’t believe my eyes.

My hand dived into the bag and pulled out the prize within, and my eyes widened. It was a photo frame, identical to my other one, except for the fact that it had no cracks in it where Gerard had dropped it.

What the-?!

"It's... not broken," I frowned, staring at the photo frame closely, questioning my eyesight.

Okay, is the crack there and I can't see it or is this actually a new frame?

"I bought you a new one," he explained in a small voice.

I looked up from the frame to meet Gerard's eyes, completely in awe of him.

"Why would you do that?" I voiced my thoughts, too confused to believe what I was hearing.

Seriously, why would he be that nice to me when I'm such an asshole to him?

"I... felt bad for breaking your other one. You seemed pretty upset about it," he mumbled, focusing his eyes on the floor as he spoke.

The photo frame he broke actually belonged to my Dad, which is why I was pretty pissed about him breaking it. But I didn’t expect him to actually replace it… That's actually pretty decent of him...

“Oh… I wasn't upset about that. But, uh, thanks,” I spoke in a softer tone, giving into my feelings of gratefulness which overpowered my hatred for Gerard in that second. I even managed a grateful smile at him, and he gave me a sheepish smile back.

But then, the moment was ruined by a booming voice echoing down the corridor.

“There he is!”

“Yo, Iero!”

Oh, fuck.

It was Matty and James.

I could literally feel the colour drain from my face as I froze with the new photo frame in my hand, facing Gerard. He looked scared, which is how I felt, all of a sudden.

In usual circumstances, I’m not scared of my friends. Honestly. But when they’re arriving on a scene where I am accepting presents from our number one enemy, it’s not a usual circumstance… And I had no idea how they would react to me talking to Gerard, let alone receiving gifts from him.

“What’s going on, man?” James asked loudly, as the two of them approached me and Gerard. We remained paralysed, as if we had just been caught making out or something.

Gross. Why did that example even enter my mind?

Panicking again, I shoved the new photo frame Gerard had just given me back in his face and shouted, “No, I don’t want your stupid present! Kissing my ass will not make you popular!”

Even though I did want the present, which was not stupid at all, I was too much of a prideful bastard to accept it from him in front of my friends. And that was the first thing that came into my head… But as soon as the words left my mouth and Gerard recoiled with a hurt look on his face, I felt bad.

Whoa, I have a conscience…?

I’d never felt bad before about insulting or picking on Gerard… But this time I could see the hurt on his face, and I felt like a bigger jerk than ever. But I had to swallow the feeling of guilt quickly, because I didn’t want Matty and James to see me let my guard down.

They both appeared either side of me, towering above me like giants; my personal bodyguards. I glanced sideways at both of them and noticed them staring straight at Gerard, who instinctively took a step backwards, with scowling expressions. I saw him swallow nervously and I didn’t blame him... I’d run if I was him.

But he didn’t seem to hear me silently willing him to run, because he didn’t move a muscle.

“Well, well, well… What do we have here?” Matty asked, sounding amused. He turned to me with a smirk playing on his lips. “Is this fag giving you hassle, Iero?” he demanded, gesturing towards a frozen Gerard.

I hesitated, at a loss for words, and James suddenly piped up, “It doesn’t look like hassle… It looks like a gift!” He seemed to find this funny, snorting to himself. “Is he your boyfriend now or something?”

Matty and him burst out laughing and I glared at them both.

“My boyfriend?” I scoffed, wrinkling my nose in disgust. “Fuck off. I set my standards a little higher than... him.

I sounded so fake... I wasn't telling the truth.

If I’m being brutally honest, which I never am, Gerard actually seems like quite a decent guy. And he isn’t really that bad to look at… I would by lying if I said I wasn’t slightly attracted to him, because I have been since the first day I met him…

But shit, no… I’m not even going to go there. I’m not supposed to think about this. I’m not fucking gay.

I noticed Gerard flinch out of the corner of my eye and I knew I had offended him, which only made me feel guiltier. (My conscience was starting to get annoying now.)

“And a little more female, I would hope!” Matty smirked, finding a way to reinforce his homophobia, like always.

I forced a smirk and made a deliberate effort not to lock eyes with him.

“I always knew this faggot had a crush on you, Frank,” he added in a suddenly dismayed voice, and I didn’t know whether he was joking or not.

I frowned at him.

What in the world would make him think Gerard likes me in any way? He quite clearly hates me after all these years that I’ve been bullying him.

“He’s not even denying it!” James interjected after a few seconds, making me realise that Gerard still hadn’t broken his silence.

Now would be a good time for him to do so… I’m feeling slightly uncomfortable right about now, and when I’m uncomfortable, I lash out…

“Well, he doesn’t,” I answered for Gerard, running out of patience.

Still, Gerard said nothing. I started getting more unnerved.

“Do you?” I turned on him sharply, with a questioning expression.

He glared at me with emotionless eyes.

“Fuck no,” he retorted bluntly, creating a weird sensation in my gut that felt like disappointment… But I refused to accept that it could be that.

I was NOT disappointed. No way. Why would I be?! It wasn't like I wanted him to like me! I’ve spent all these years trying to make him hate me… Trying to disguise the fact that I quite like him…

“So, are we gonna just stand here or are we going to beat up this douche bag?” James demanded impatiently.

One thing everyone knows about James is he’s always looking for a fight. He even starts on teachers sometimes, which is a pretty dumbass move. He’s like an out of control dog… Or something more frightening…

Gerard went completely rigid hearing these words, as if he was thinking we were some kind of vicious predators that wouldn’t see him if he stood still. He looked so vulnerable… Still such an easy target...

We hadn’t laid a finger on him for about two years, because the principal had found out and he was keeping a close on eye on us to make sure we didn’t beat him up again. But right now, there was no one watching…

James and Matty started advancing on him threateningly, but I remained rooted to the spot.

Oh God. I can’t let them beat him up. Not after he just bought me a new photo frame. He did a nice thing for me and this is how I repay him? UGH, why did he bother being nice to me? It's put me in an awkward position. I feel guilty now...

I knew that I didn’t want to join in or watch them beat up Gerard, but I also didn’t have the courage to stand up to Matty and James. I knew it would only make them lose respect for me, and I didn’t want to damage my own status like that…

Neither Matty nor James seemed to notice my hesitance. Matty grabbed Gerard, who wasn’t even putting up a fight (but to be fair, he wouldn't get far with those two, even if he did try to fight them off) and James raised his right fist, aiming it at Gerard's face. Over their shoulders, Gerard’s eyes locked with mine and he looked at me pleadingly.

Panicking for the third time in one day, I looked around desperately for someone else who could help. There was no one. The corridor was still empty. Now would be a fucking good time for a teacher to come round the corner… But no such luck.

Then, suddenly, something on the wall caught my eye and a metaphoric light bulb switched on in my head.

The fire alarm.

I looked back at Matty, James and Gerard to see if they were watching me, but they were all a bit too distracted to pay attention to me anymore… Matty and James now had Gerard on the floor. I couldn't watch... I felt sick to the stomach suddenly. I knew I had to do something fast.

Acting quickly, I smashed the glass on the fire alarm, causing a piercingly loud ringing sound to tear through my eardrums and down the hallways, all over the school.

Hearing this, Matty and James jumped a mile in the air, flying off of Gerard in a heartbeat. But Gerard remained crouched in a ball on the floor, and within seconds, every door in the corridor flew open and kids were rushing out of their classrooms hastily, pumped with adrennaline and the kind of 'there's-a-fire-we're-going-to-die' excitement.

It was suddenly complete chaos in the corridor.

I didn’t rush anywhere. I hesitated and just stayed looking at Gerard as he slowly tried to get to his feet. There was blood trickling down his face, which he was trying to hide by covering his nose and mouth with his hand. I was torn between going to help him and escaping from the utter madness.

“Come on, Frank!” James called me, grabbing my arm.

Suddenly, Gerard looked up and his eyes looked with mine again. He glared at me with eyes full of resentment and I stared back at him with an apologetic look on my face, as I let James pull me with him.

I realised in that second that for the first time ever, I was going to have to swallow my pride later and apologise to Gerard for this. My conscience would haunt me otherwise.

Though, whether Gerard would accept my apology was a whole different story.
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