Capture Me In Black And White

Never had I ever thought I'd be in this sort of situation...

The sun rose early Monday morning, casting a foggy screen across the studio apartment. I had been awake for hours, but hadn't moved from the bed. Sasha was breathing lightly next to me; he could sleep for hours on end. Brushing some of his brown hair from his face, I leaned down and kissed it, my lips lingering with longing.

Sasha rolled over on his back, almost bumping into my nose. He opened his eyes slowly and stared up into mine. "Kisten, I can't see," he said, his voice soft and childlike. His eyes fluttered closed. "You're foggy, Kisten."

"That's because you just woke up," I told him and kissed his eyelids. He mewed and lightly swatted my shoulder. I giggled and crawled out of bed. Sasha acted like such a kid. It's a shame that he was the older one.

The scent of coffee watered my mouth as I padded to the coffee maker on the dining room table. We never used the kitchen. It was just a waste of space. Between photo shoots and Sasha's job at New York Times, we are almost never home.

Home...A year ago I didn't know where that was.I was a simple runaway with no future plans. I never expected to meet Sasha. And all because I stole his wallet. A poor kid like me had to make his money, and it turned out for the best. It brought Sasha and I together.

After retrieving two cups of coffee, one of which I gave to the still sleepy Sasha, I walked out onto the balcony. The sun was still shining; casting warm rays at my skin. I brought th brim of the cup to my lips and tipped it back. Red hot liquid slid down my throat, burning my tongue.

"Ooooh, mah tunh!"

"That's what you get for drinking it so soon," Sasha said, coming up behind me. He sat down on the floor and cradled his coffee cup between his palms. I could tell it hurt. There was a slight pain in his eyes.

I set my cup down on the window sill and did the same with his.Sasha started to complain but I silenced him with a soft kiss on the lips. Sasha opened his arms and welcomed me. I grinned and settled myself into his lap, enjoying the warm beat of the sun. But after a while it got chilly.

Next time remember to pull on some pants and a t-shirt before coming out here!

Sasha, on the other hand, was smarter than me. He had pants on and a t-shirt, he even had a jacket. I slung my hands around his neck and cuddled into the heat of his body. Sasha drew his jacket around the both of us in an attempt to keep me warm. I shivered.

"Shall we go inside, Kist," Sasha asked.

I shook my head and glanced up at him. He was staring off into the distance, a distant expression on his face. His brown hair haloed around his head in a tangle of waves. Those blue blue eyes were clouded over with worry.

"I want to stay here with you," I said and nuzzled his neck with my face. Sasha shook his head and stood up; I fell off his lap. "Owchie," I moaned, rubbing my butt. It was going to be sore for a week!

"Sorry," Sasha apologized half heartedly. "I've got to get going. Five hours to drive to work. You know how it is." Without even waiting for my response, he walked into the studio and out of the door.

"Sasha..."

This sort of thing has been happening for days. Sasha's been drawing back from me; keeping me an arm's length away. We used to be really close, but now....I just don't know anymore. Was I doing something wrong? Had I done something wrong? Why couldn't he tell me if I have? Not knowing was killing me. What if he doesn't love me anymore....

Don't think about that, Kisten! You know it's not true. Sasha loves you! He really really loves you! That's why he took you in...
Or is it? He may have just pitied you,Kisten. No, he has! That's why he is acting distant. He is bored of you. He wasn't interesting in you anymore. Sasha has had enough after one year...

"NOOOOOOOOO!"

My cell phone vibrated. I took a deep breath to calm myself. I received a message from Sasha. Stop yelling, Kisten.

"AHHHHH!"

I dropped my phone to the floor and flopped down on the bed. No. no, no. Was Sasha really tired of me? Was I just some runaway he took pity on? Just because I was Oliver's crush? No...It can't be true...but what if it is? What then, Kist? Then I leave. And never come back.

I wiped away a stay tear that fell from my eye and stared up at the wall. Black and white photographs of me littered the wall. I was Sasha's model; his inspiration. He couldn't get rid of me. He just couldn't. We made magic with the camera...

And without? Were we really as in love as I thought we were? Or was it an illusion? Maybe the only reason I lasted so long was because he made good money off of my photos...

No, Kisten, don't think about it that way. But it was hard not to. In the matter of days, seconds, my word was crashing down.

I curled my arms around the blanket we shard and buried my face in it. So many night we spent together. So many lazy Sundays. All of those happy memories of stolen kisses in the dark....I screamed, my voice muffled by the blanket. How could this be happening?

I needed to get out of the house; to go somewhere. But where? That was the question. Where could I go to think...?

HOME!

It was still my home no matter what! Sure the bridge might not be the most comfortable of places but I lived there for nearly a year. If I was having doubts about Sasha, this wasn't truly my home any longer. The bridge was where I belonged.

I climbed out of bed and threw on some clothes, shoving my reading glasses into my jean pocket. You never know when you may need them. i thought about taking my cell, but decided against it. He knows where to find me...

"See you later, Sasha," I said in a whisper, walking out the door...