A Loaded God Complex

So, there I sat alone in my room un-showered, unshaven, and without food. I rolled onto my stomach and buried my face into my pillow, which no longer smelled like fresh laundry. This was the lowest I'd ever been, it hurt more since I was recently flying considerably high. I was humiliated in front of the whole school and I couldn't get the soda out of my hair. It was still a disturbing thought to me that people could be so cruel without reason…it disturbed me that I had never realized it before.

"Dear!" My mother said cheerfully through the door.

"What?" I barked back.

"Can I come in?" She asked in a sing-song voice.

"Yes!" I grumbled irritably and quickly flipped back to my stomach to avoid anything that might be coming.

The door cracked open a little for a moment and then she finally let herself in. Sighing, she sat down on the end of my bed and I heard her lick her lips.

"We-- your father and I have a surprise for you." I lifted my head a little, the pillow came with it as it rested on my antlers, "So clean up and we'll take you to it."

Being a little apprehensive, I was even more sluggish as I fulfilled my mom's wishes. I didn't have an appetite and avoiding the kitchen where my parents were sitting and finishing up their breakfasts. I sat down next to Ben in the den, who was watching TV in his pajamas. We sat silently until I was called to the car by my dad.

"Hm, I think someone has a crush on you Mason." My dad gave a hearty chuckle, meanwhile my mother sat with her arms crossed and a tight mouth.

"Why?" My voice cracked.

"The sign." He pointed to the yellow, square we were passing. On it, around the deer was a heart drawn in sharpie. I exploded into laughter.

"It's not funny." My mom scolded seriously. I wondered if she knew something or if it was her just being sensitive. Either way I quieted down quickly, "I heard about last night."

"Are you holding up, Mas?" My dad locked eyes with me through his rear-view mirror and waited for an answer.

"Yeah, I'm fine…So… where are we going?" I asked faintly and depressed again, while I leaned forward to the front seats.

"Well," my mom started and glanced at my dad. He didn't say anything and gripped the steering wheel tighter, "We're going to the city." She paused, I was amazed, "To see a doctor."

"Wh-what?" My excitement had died a sudden death. I didn't try to put the pieces together too hastily, last time I did, I put on a show Pete would have been proud of. "For what?" I stammered out.

"We just want to see about your horns." My father piped up like he was trying to be comforting.

"We were thinking it was time--" She smiled and turned to fully face me, "time to see if we could remove them." With no explanation my throat closed up like I was in an anaphylactic shock.

"But-I…" I was seeing colors around me, the idea scared me, and I had no real reasons not to go through with it. "I don't want to." My mom shook her head, and I attempted to keep calm.

"It will be for the best. I mean you've already tried to cut them off once befo--" Wait, they knew about that?

"Stop the car!" I ordered my dad, it felt like forever before the it actually did.

Clumsily unbuckling and flinging the door open, I almost tumbled to the ground. Standing, I put my hands on my head and breathed deeply. Pacing in the ditch, which was full of dying weeds, my parents slowly and cautiously approached me. Little did I know that this was one of those things where it had to get worse.

"Isn't it what you've always wanted?"

"No Mom! It's what you want!" Her face fell and I realized what I had just said.

"Mason! What is wrong with you?"

"Wrong with me?" I panted out, my heart beat in my throat and the colors intensified. Raya was right. She was right about everything…last night made sense. I recalled the day we sat in town just talking about the passer-bys, "Nothing. Nothing is wrong with me! You're the one who doesn't like the whispers about me."

"But last night--"

"What is it with everybody? Everybody has more issues than I could ever dream of and they all take it out on me!"

"That's why we're--"

"No. Start sticking up for me. Stop trying to-to set me up with girls, stop trying to shelter me and-and stop trying to get me to be what you want! Just stop it! Look around you Mom, there are tons of other messed up stuff going on that everyone just turns a blind eye to."

"Mason Kirche!" She protested, my father stood idly by.

"Mom," I lowered my head, I didn't want to say it, "Don't tell me there's nothing wrong with you. You know it. You're so controlling. I mean, can you blame Dad for sleeping in a separate bed?"

Talking back was foreign language on my lips and seeing their faces I knew it was threat to them. Neither said a word, I could tell my mom was holding it in though. My father on the other hand didn't seem angry, just shocked. A few minutes passed and then my mom started trudging to the car.

"Mike, get in the car."

He did as told, like any sane person would have done to avoid the wrath of my mother. I was left standing alone. Vegetation crunched under my feet as I headed the opposite direction we were coming from to get to the cemetery. I figured I shouldn't go home for a while, or ever… which it was seeming to be.

It took twice as long as it normally would have if I started from my house and I took the back trails. I didn't feel like going through town. My mind was far from the locals, it was far from observing anything really. When I got to the graveyard I took my spot by the river and laid down. I didn't try to move or make myself comfortable when a rock was in the middle of my back or a leaf had managed to tickle my back. A high pitched bell rang, lifting my head I saw a familiar maroon bike.

"I knew I'd find you here!" She called cheerily underneath it I could hear her concern. She pushed her bike on the rocky environment, "I stopped at your house. Ben said you left."

"They wanted me to get rid of my horns… And I- And I told them off, Raya."

Raya quickened her pace, dropped her bike on the ground, and stood over me. I had a bitter-sweet sickening feeling in my stomach. That day not only did I learn to stand up for myself, but I had others doing it for me too. I knew they shouldn't have had to.

"Really? You don't want them gone anymore? That's great!" She glowed.

I shook my head, and sat up glowered at the ground in front of me. Dropping to one knee, Raya situated herself next to me. I wiped my nose.

"I yelled and I told my mom off . I don't know what got into me…" I breathed out and rubbed my temples.

"I see." Raya scratched the back of her neck, "She can't be mad forever."

Still, I remained silent. Unfortunately, my mother's a woman of many grudges. Telling her she was wrong and ripping off the band-aid from the wound that constantly tormented her everyday was pretty unforgivable. Especially since she'd have to be reminded she was wrong every time she looked at me and my father.

"Listen about last night, I'm so sorry. It wasn't supposed to be that way."

"I know…" I said and looked Raya in the eyes for the first time all conversation. I missed those sincere brown and green speckled eyes. I smiled and chuckled quietly, "I liked the heart on the sign, by the way."

"The one with the deer crossing?" I bobbed my head up and down, "I didn't put that there. I thought you did that." She covered her mouth as she laughed, choking, an actual laugh fell from my lips also. The joyous noise died down and it was fitting for a cemetery once more, "I take it, it isn't the best time to ask if you're going to the dance?"

"No!" I groaned. Covering my face with my hands again, I fell back to the ground, "I just don't want to… after all this. I feel better, but last night…"

"You don't have to." Disappointment was apparent in her voice and I couldn't let it go. And all of the doubt I had about what she had said the night before plagued me with guilt. I owed Raya…a lot, but that was a lot quite quickly, "The sooner you face them the less they'll have time to talk, the more they'll respect you."

I thought about these words and bit my lip. I knew she was right and I knew that's why she was going still. Most people would have been scared out of their minds to do such a prank and expect to show their face in Small Towne again. Raya had a point though, no one in Small Towne would ever have enough courage to do such a prank in the first place and she was setting standards.

We sat there for a few minutes silently. She laid down and for a moment I watched her. I was struck by how much I had never noticed about her before. The way her hair flipped, the way she had more freckles on one side of her face then the other, the way she laced her shoestrings, the way her collar bones moved when she inhaled, the way…

"What?" She jutted out her bottom lip, yet her eyes smiled.

"Nothing."

I pecked her lips and laid down next to her. We could watched and talked until our bellies growled, mine was louder than hers since I hadn't eaten much at all. We debated for a while where to go: my house was out; her dad was out hunting and due back anytime; and restaurants were in public…with people. Eventually we decided that eating out was best.