My Love for You Will Never Fade

Rolling over in bed, TJ's arm reached out for his wife but instead of feeling her all he felt was the cold sheets where her body should have been. Opening his eyes, he blinked a few times so that his eyes were adjusted to the darkness of the room. Turning his head to the table beside his bed he saw the bright red numbers read 3:52 AM. Rubbing his face with his hands TJ sat up and tossed the covers off his body and got out of bed. Wearing nothing more than his boxer briefs he made his way out of the bedroom. Making his way down the dark hallway, he went into the room across from the bathroom. Turning on the light in the hallway, he walked inside. Looking around, his eyes found what he had been looking for, his wife. She was sitting next to the crib in the chair she had planned to nurse in.

“Hey, Chloe,” TJ said sitting on the detached footrest in front of her. “What are you doing in here?”

“I couldn't sleep and I didn't want to wake you up,” Chloe said softly. “She should be sleeping in there you know?”

“Don't do this to yourself, Chloe. I love you, I do, but you are going to run yourself into the ground if you keep thinking about those what ifs in the back of your mind.”

“She didn't cry, Timmy,” Chloe said, her eyes filled with tears. “She didn't cry. I was in labor for seventeen hours and she didn't even cry. This wasn't fair.”

“I know, but the doctors didn't know there was anything wrong until-”

“Until our baby was dead. They knew she was dead and I still had to push her out. I didn't want to. I wanted to keep her safe inside of me.”

“All we both wanted was for her to be happy and healthy, but we didn't know this would happen.” TJ said placing his hands on her knees.

“What did I do wrong?” Chloe asked. “I must have done something wrong for this to happen to us.”

“There was nothing you could have done differently,” TJ told her. “Remember the doctors even said so.”

“I should pack up the room and send the baby gifts back, since we can't use them.”

“You aren't going to do anything, but come back to bed with me and get some sleep.”

“Timmy, I need to-”

“Chloe, you just need to take it easy. I understand you trying to be tough in front of Backes and Berglund, but right now, its just the two of us and you don't always have to be so strong. There is nothing wrong in shedding a few tears over what we lost. What we lost was a piece of us.”

Standing up, Chloe watched at her husband also stood before wrapping her arms around him and let the tears she had been holding in just fall. Burying her head in his bare chest, Chloe felt him wrap his arms around her and pull her in closer to him. She was always trying to put on a brave face, but TJ knew that this was still hurting her. The moment that they realized that they would never take their daughter home was the hardest thing either of them had to hear. Months of preparing and waiting and the beautiful little girl died before she was able to experience anything in the world.

Kissing the top of her head, TJ picked her up bridal style and walked out of Roslyn's room. Roslyn Elizabeth Oshie had been the name that they agreed upon and it was the name on the wall in wooden letters. Turning off the light from the hallway, TJ felt Chloe let out a sigh as she rested her head on his shoulder.

Once he laid her down in their bed he pulled the covers around them before he wrapped his arms around her. TJ waited for Chloe to fall asleep first before finally drifting off to sleep himself. He knew that she blamed herself for their baby's death, but he couldn't blame her. The only person TJ blamed was the doctor who should have caught something when Chloe had mentioned decreasing amount of movement, but they hadn't even looked at the baby with the ultrasound, they said it sometimes happens. It shouldn't have happened, no, they should be at home arguing about whose turn it was to get the crying baby. He always assumed that if she was really tired that he would get up without a complaint.

From the moment they found out that they were expecting their first child, Chloe had been on cloud nine about it. But TJ was a different story. He was worried that they couldn't handle the responsibility so soon into their marriage. But the first time he went to her appointment with her and saw the baby, heard the baby's heartbeat, he couldn't take his eyes off the monitor. If he hadn't been the one to drive them home, he would have starred at the pictures that were printed and placed inside Chloe's purse.

When he woke up again that morning, Chloe was still in bed, but she wasn't sleeping. The reason for him being awake was because of the fact that she had been running her hand up and down his bare back. “Morning.” TJ said, still half asleep.

“Afternoon.” Chloe smiled at him before crawling over to him and giving him a short kiss and laid down next to him.

“I have a practice later today.”

“I know.” Chloe said as TJ laced their fingers together.

“So much has happened this past year,” TJ said as he brought her hand up and kissed her wrist. “How do you feel about it?”

“I feel like there should be a baby here with us, but she's not. I know you keep telling me it was that doctors fault, but I should have been more insistent on them checking her out.”

“She would have been just like you,” TJ laughed. “Not taking no for an answer. An aggressive little thing.”

“That would make her like you, Timmy. Remember?” she asked him. “You wouldn't leave me alone until I finally agreed to go on a date with you.”

“That's true, but you tortured me on the next four dates. Multiple chick flicks.” TJ told her.

“They were classic movies. I like those movies.”

“You would have made her watch them too I bet.”

“Your being mean.” Chloe smiled at him.

“I missed that.” TJ told her.

“Missed what?” Chloe asked, looking at him, confused.

“Your smile. You haven't had a real smile on your face since we found out.”

“I guess I was still kind of wallowing in all this time. I never meant to hurt you like that Timmy.”

“I thought that after what happened, that we might no longer be together. As much as I love you and I do. I thought after we lost her, I would lose you too.” TJ told her honestly.

“There is only one thing in the world that I am ever certain of,” Chloe said as she moved some of his longer hair out of his face. “That I can't stop loving you. It just won't happen.”

“I don't want to pack that room up, but I don't want to be scared to go into it either.”

“Backes and Berglund will be more than willing to do what it is you want them to do to that room.”

“What about you?”

“I'll supervise them.” TJ grinned.

“You are such a lazy ass.”

“Naw, I'd rather be doing something with you than doing that stuff.”

“So you make your friends do dirty work while you tell them what they should be doing and how they could do it better?” Chloe asked, biting down on her bottom lip.

TJ smiled as he leaned over and kissed her lips softly. Chloe smiled at him, a smile that she felt wasn't fake for the first time since she had to leave the hospital without her baby in her arms. “I want you to know something.”

Chloe looked at him with a bit of worry in her eyes.

“After she passed you expected me to leave,” TJ reminded her. “But you need to know something. Something I should have told you when we first got married but I guess I just figured that you knew, but I think-”

“You're rambling Timmy.”

TJ laughed as he placed his hand on the side of her face. “My love for you will never fade.”

“Even when I'm old and gray?”

“I'll be right next to you every step of the way.”

“I love you Timmy. I really and truly am blessed.”

“I love you too Chloe.”