Colourblind
the story
He came suddenly and without warning into my life. He was dangerous, and I felt only the comparison of playing with fire. But, somewhere in that fire I found compassion and like-mindedness. I found someone searching, as I was, for something more. I cautioned myself to stay away; to find someone else; to keep myself occupied. Yet just as he had come into my life, he became this critical and integrated part of it. I was aware of the risks and warnings, but suddenly I didn’t care anymore. I needed him.
Love is like spiritual enlightenment; like a window newly discovered, revealing a whole world you failed to acknowledge before. Suddenly everything is brighter. Bolder. More vibrant. I found myself living in the tiniest of details; defining time through them- the way the sunlight danced through the drapes on lazy Sunday afternoons, his signature scent, hands warmer than my own. Everything was in harmony. It was as if I had seen the world in shadows before now.
When he left, he did it subtly. It wasn’t that he didn’t care, simply that he was afraid; indecisive; impulsive. He was afraid of a lot of things. When love leaves you abandoned it is like coming down from a high. Suddenly, left in shock, you are all alone left humiliated, dazed and ashamed. All of the enlightenment you thought you had reached turns out to be nothing but a figment of imagination; nothing but a chemical imbalance.
And then they all proceeded to tell me that everything would be alright, although they know they are lying through their teeth. They are aware that something now is missing; that something good is gone. The window has been closed, leaving me numb and disconnected. Lost and broken. They say I can do better; that there is plenty of fish in the sea; that he’s just a jerk. But he isn’t.
“That’s the problem,” I tell them. “There was no problem. Things were good, we ended on good terms, we’re still… friends.”
They pretend that the future is so much brighter without love, when in reality- I find myself left colourblind.
Love is like spiritual enlightenment; like a window newly discovered, revealing a whole world you failed to acknowledge before. Suddenly everything is brighter. Bolder. More vibrant. I found myself living in the tiniest of details; defining time through them- the way the sunlight danced through the drapes on lazy Sunday afternoons, his signature scent, hands warmer than my own. Everything was in harmony. It was as if I had seen the world in shadows before now.
When he left, he did it subtly. It wasn’t that he didn’t care, simply that he was afraid; indecisive; impulsive. He was afraid of a lot of things. When love leaves you abandoned it is like coming down from a high. Suddenly, left in shock, you are all alone left humiliated, dazed and ashamed. All of the enlightenment you thought you had reached turns out to be nothing but a figment of imagination; nothing but a chemical imbalance.
And then they all proceeded to tell me that everything would be alright, although they know they are lying through their teeth. They are aware that something now is missing; that something good is gone. The window has been closed, leaving me numb and disconnected. Lost and broken. They say I can do better; that there is plenty of fish in the sea; that he’s just a jerk. But he isn’t.
“That’s the problem,” I tell them. “There was no problem. Things were good, we ended on good terms, we’re still… friends.”
They pretend that the future is so much brighter without love, when in reality- I find myself left colourblind.