Sharlot and the Bound

We sat in the car, tension mounting I was just waiting for it to reach its breaking point. I couldn't help but wonder who would snap first, four hours. Fours long grueling hours. Great, I have to sit in the car with Sharlot, whose the best, Doll, who hates me. She hates me, my future-less lover, the woman I love. I let it hit me and allow the pain wash over me. Then my eyes land on Lance, Lance who probably wants to throw me out the window. I kept getting flashes of me and Sharlot making the Awkward Turtle shadows on her bedroom walls when we were little. Young and innocent. This moment was the awkward turtle.

I fidgeted toward Doll, I wanted to talk to her so bad but she just pulled away.

"Doll." I said so low I barely realized I had said it out loud.

She looked at me, her eyes guarded, her face revealing no emotion. "Yes?" Her voice was so cold it sent a shiver down my spine.

"I.....I'm sorry." I said it so weakly that even I didn't believe it.

She got up and sat next to Sharlot, who at first looked shocked and then relaxed into her. Sharlot needs her right now and I am not stronger enough to make her smile. I tried to focus on Doll but it made me hurt. I know she can hear my thoughts, its makes everything so much more complex.

I felt that sadness seep into my very being, it will never be the way it was. The three of us will never go back to the way we used to be. I let the memories wash over me. The three of us would be sitting on the back porch of Sharlot's house giggling at bad jokes while chugging warm beers. There would be no more pulling Doll into dark corners to kiss her in secret. I would no longer feel her breathe on the back of my neck as she tried to surprise me, and failed, she always failed.The three of us won't go streaking. like we do every year on my birthday. Running naked though the streets, laughing like crazy kids hoping not to get caught.

I can still smell the stale beer breath after a house party, the three of us (when Doll's parents let their guard down long enough for her to slip away) waking up with headaches. Our view red plastic, solos of course, cups littering the backyard and floating in the pool. We would pop pills, for the headache, and get cleaning before her parents got home from where ever it was they went. I felt a knot form in my stomach. I ruined this, because I love them both and they both love me. Well only one loves me now.

I pulled myself into a ball and Sharlot eyed me sadly, I gave her a weak smile and looked out the window, dying for the pack to show up. I wanted to get out of here. I have never felt so weak, so small, so unlike me.