It's A Hell Of A Town
Coke Incident
"So then she walks in to take my blood pressure, and she goes 'I'm gonna need you to take off your jacket and uncross your legs.' And I'm like 'Well, okay, but this won't be my first time!'," Betty says, tossing her head back and whipping Tre in the face with her blonde hair.
"Oh, sorry baby," she says, kneeling on the seat, pulling his head over to hers and planting a kiss on his forehead.
"Hey, no problem," he says, licking her hand to accept her apology.
"Eeew!" the girl across the aisle squeals. "He licked her!"
"Yeah, Brittany," the girl in the seat next to her says, obviously annoyed. Our group laughs heartily.
The plane hits some turbulence and Betty's hair whips him again.
"Skank," he says squinting at the back of her head.
"Present!" She juts her hand into the air.
"So," the girl in front of Betty says. "You guys are obviously friends." She's referring to Tre and Betty, I'm guessing.
"Uh, she was Billie's friend first," he says pointing to me. "The she was Mike's friend, the she was mine."
"Actually, I really am just friends with them because they're famous and I figure I can con free stuff out of them," Betty says matter-of-factly.
"It's true," he agrees. "She's a complete swag whore." Betty nods.
"I'll be right back," I say getting out of my seat and pushing past Tre. I head back to the bathroom area, but the line is seven people long. Grr. When I return apparently the pain of not taking a leak in a day and a half is registering on my face.
"Hey, are you okay?" the girl in front of Betty asks me.
"Bathroom line is ungodly long," I say curling up in the seat, trying to fall asleep and ignore the fact that I hadn't been able to get to a bathroom in 29 hours. When the plane hits particularly hard turbulence, I groan and pull myself into a tighter ball.
The pilot comes over the intercom,
"We're just about 15 minutes out of the wonderful city of New York. If you will fasten seat belts, we'll be preparing for landing."
Tre climbs over me and Mike to look out the window.
"Dude, you know what it looks like. You've been here a zillion times," Mike says pushing him back into his seat.
"God, someone's grumpy," Betty says chucking a copy of "Sky Mall" at him.
"He's always like this when we have to fly," I say from my curled up position.
"Very bitchy," Tre says stabbing his arm with the "Sky Mall" copy. Mike closes his eyes and attempts to curl into a ball like me, but fails.
"Ha, that's what you get for being tall," Sabrina, the girl sitting next to Betty says. We all agree by boo-hissing Mike's tallness. He's not actually that tall, but compared to us- he's a nine foot freak.
We settle into busying ourselves while we wait for the plane to land.
"So, do we know where we're supposed to meet in the terminal?" Mike asks.
"No one knows," Sabrina says. "No one knows anything about this trip."
"So far it seems that way," Betty says making one of her hand gestures.
"I guess we'll just follow everyone else," I say stretching out of my curled up position.
"I think it's so funny that you guy are chaperoning this thing," Sabrina says buckling her seat belt at the request of a flight attendant.
"Yeah, I was suckered into it," Betty says clipping up her hair.
"We were all suckered into it," I says.
"Don't mind him," Tre says petting my head. "He's very bitter about this whole thing."
"That makes two of us," Mike says to no one in particular.
"No, you're just a tramp," Tre replies to his comment.
"What?" He looks at Tre before laughing. "That isn't a legitimate response to what I said."
"But it's true," Betty says completely straight faced. Mike just shakes his head.
Once we land, my mission in life is to find a bathroom. I see random people from the group congregating over near some chairs and am considering going over there, as that would be the responsible thing to do, but then a restroom sign catches my eye. No consideration goes into this decision. I break into a run and almost crash into Betty and Tre.
"Hey, there's one of us," Betty points to me as I run past them. "Hey wait for us!"
"Bathroom!" I call back. I crash into the door, which in turn crashes into the line of guys waiting.
"Hey, asshole, watch what you're doing." I recognize this boy as one of the kids from our party. But I do not care what he has to say. I have to pee and I have to pee bad. All the stations are taken, so when a stall door opens, I all but push my way to the front of the line and slam the door closed behind me. There is a fair amount of bitching from the guys on the other side of the door, but I'm content with the fact that my bladder won't explode.
When I leave the stall and go over to wash my hands, the kid I slammed the door into comes up to me like he's gonna try and kick my ass.
"Hey, dumbass, you can't cut in line," he says puffing out his chest.
"Hey, dumbsass, I already did," I say trying to ignore his mediocre threats and get back to the group. "You should hurry up, the group will be waiting."
"Oh, yeah, well..." Apparently he thinks what I just said was a threat. "I think your nose ring is retarded!"
I shake my head and push out the bathroom door. I return to the group to find all of my charges have assembled. All I can think is that I hope they're this responsible for the entire trip so I don't have to work very hard. Hey, what do you want from me?
"So, everyone's here?" I ask the grouplet.
"Uh, yeah," Mary, the girl who appears to be in charge, says.
"Okay, good," I say rubbing my hands together and looking around the terminal.
"Your friends said they were going to the food court since we have, like an hour until we need to meet," Mary says, crossing her arms.
"Okay, who wants to go to the food court?" I say raising my eyebrows.
We meander our way over and hit the moving sidewalks. As we glide along, I say,
"It's twice as fun if you jump." And proceed to do just that.
"How old are you?" Mary says. Her arms haven't uncrossed.
"Twenty-three," I reply hopping past her.
"Really?" Ben, another one of my grouplings asks before hop-crashing into the guy I crashed the bathroom door into.
"Hey, dipshit!" the boy yells before pushing Ben out of the way and continuing down the sidewalk.
"Sorry Brandon," Ben says, holding up his middle finger towards him. Brandon didn't see.
"Really," I reply to his question.
"I thought you had to be twenty-five to be a chaperone," Mary says glaring at me.
I put my finger to my lips.
"No one knows," I say mysteriously as we collectively hop off the sidewalk onto regular ground. All but Mary, of course.
"Hey, lameo!" Betty calls from a table where she, Mike, Tre and all their kids are hanging out. Betty has a comically large sno cone.
"Ooh, where did you get that?" the last of my group, Laura asks Betty.
"The magic sno cone fairy," she replies, gesturing to a stand behind her. Laura runs off and Ben goes with her.
"Feel better?" Betty asks me in between bites of comically large sno cone.
"Much," I reply. A group of kids and their chaperone walks by. Betty jabs me in the leg. "See her? Cathy Martin." she points obviously at the chaperone and she sees. Cathy Martin comes over.
"Is there something I can help you with, Miss Wolff?" she asks bitchily.
"No!" Betty says full of wide eyed optimism. When Cathy Martin turns away, Betty mouths the word 'hooker' and we burst into laughter. Cathy Martin turns and glares at us. Betty says loudly,
"I think it's hilarious that the chaperones think we need chaperones."
"Yeah," I agree at the same volume. " Like they feel they need to moniter us so we don't burn things, take our charges to prostitutes, and buy them crack."
"Oh, yeah that whole crack incident," Betty says before throwing into jazz hands.
"Oh, sorry baby," she says, kneeling on the seat, pulling his head over to hers and planting a kiss on his forehead.
"Hey, no problem," he says, licking her hand to accept her apology.
"Eeew!" the girl across the aisle squeals. "He licked her!"
"Yeah, Brittany," the girl in the seat next to her says, obviously annoyed. Our group laughs heartily.
The plane hits some turbulence and Betty's hair whips him again.
"Skank," he says squinting at the back of her head.
"Present!" She juts her hand into the air.
"So," the girl in front of Betty says. "You guys are obviously friends." She's referring to Tre and Betty, I'm guessing.
"Uh, she was Billie's friend first," he says pointing to me. "The she was Mike's friend, the she was mine."
"Actually, I really am just friends with them because they're famous and I figure I can con free stuff out of them," Betty says matter-of-factly.
"It's true," he agrees. "She's a complete swag whore." Betty nods.
"I'll be right back," I say getting out of my seat and pushing past Tre. I head back to the bathroom area, but the line is seven people long. Grr. When I return apparently the pain of not taking a leak in a day and a half is registering on my face.
"Hey, are you okay?" the girl in front of Betty asks me.
"Bathroom line is ungodly long," I say curling up in the seat, trying to fall asleep and ignore the fact that I hadn't been able to get to a bathroom in 29 hours. When the plane hits particularly hard turbulence, I groan and pull myself into a tighter ball.
The pilot comes over the intercom,
"We're just about 15 minutes out of the wonderful city of New York. If you will fasten seat belts, we'll be preparing for landing."
Tre climbs over me and Mike to look out the window.
"Dude, you know what it looks like. You've been here a zillion times," Mike says pushing him back into his seat.
"God, someone's grumpy," Betty says chucking a copy of "Sky Mall" at him.
"He's always like this when we have to fly," I say from my curled up position.
"Very bitchy," Tre says stabbing his arm with the "Sky Mall" copy. Mike closes his eyes and attempts to curl into a ball like me, but fails.
"Ha, that's what you get for being tall," Sabrina, the girl sitting next to Betty says. We all agree by boo-hissing Mike's tallness. He's not actually that tall, but compared to us- he's a nine foot freak.
We settle into busying ourselves while we wait for the plane to land.
"So, do we know where we're supposed to meet in the terminal?" Mike asks.
"No one knows," Sabrina says. "No one knows anything about this trip."
"So far it seems that way," Betty says making one of her hand gestures.
"I guess we'll just follow everyone else," I say stretching out of my curled up position.
"I think it's so funny that you guy are chaperoning this thing," Sabrina says buckling her seat belt at the request of a flight attendant.
"Yeah, I was suckered into it," Betty says clipping up her hair.
"We were all suckered into it," I says.
"Don't mind him," Tre says petting my head. "He's very bitter about this whole thing."
"That makes two of us," Mike says to no one in particular.
"No, you're just a tramp," Tre replies to his comment.
"What?" He looks at Tre before laughing. "That isn't a legitimate response to what I said."
"But it's true," Betty says completely straight faced. Mike just shakes his head.
Once we land, my mission in life is to find a bathroom. I see random people from the group congregating over near some chairs and am considering going over there, as that would be the responsible thing to do, but then a restroom sign catches my eye. No consideration goes into this decision. I break into a run and almost crash into Betty and Tre.
"Hey, there's one of us," Betty points to me as I run past them. "Hey wait for us!"
"Bathroom!" I call back. I crash into the door, which in turn crashes into the line of guys waiting.
"Hey, asshole, watch what you're doing." I recognize this boy as one of the kids from our party. But I do not care what he has to say. I have to pee and I have to pee bad. All the stations are taken, so when a stall door opens, I all but push my way to the front of the line and slam the door closed behind me. There is a fair amount of bitching from the guys on the other side of the door, but I'm content with the fact that my bladder won't explode.
When I leave the stall and go over to wash my hands, the kid I slammed the door into comes up to me like he's gonna try and kick my ass.
"Hey, dumbass, you can't cut in line," he says puffing out his chest.
"Hey, dumbsass, I already did," I say trying to ignore his mediocre threats and get back to the group. "You should hurry up, the group will be waiting."
"Oh, yeah, well..." Apparently he thinks what I just said was a threat. "I think your nose ring is retarded!"
I shake my head and push out the bathroom door. I return to the group to find all of my charges have assembled. All I can think is that I hope they're this responsible for the entire trip so I don't have to work very hard. Hey, what do you want from me?
"So, everyone's here?" I ask the grouplet.
"Uh, yeah," Mary, the girl who appears to be in charge, says.
"Okay, good," I say rubbing my hands together and looking around the terminal.
"Your friends said they were going to the food court since we have, like an hour until we need to meet," Mary says, crossing her arms.
"Okay, who wants to go to the food court?" I say raising my eyebrows.
We meander our way over and hit the moving sidewalks. As we glide along, I say,
"It's twice as fun if you jump." And proceed to do just that.
"How old are you?" Mary says. Her arms haven't uncrossed.
"Twenty-three," I reply hopping past her.
"Really?" Ben, another one of my grouplings asks before hop-crashing into the guy I crashed the bathroom door into.
"Hey, dipshit!" the boy yells before pushing Ben out of the way and continuing down the sidewalk.
"Sorry Brandon," Ben says, holding up his middle finger towards him. Brandon didn't see.
"Really," I reply to his question.
"I thought you had to be twenty-five to be a chaperone," Mary says glaring at me.
I put my finger to my lips.
"No one knows," I say mysteriously as we collectively hop off the sidewalk onto regular ground. All but Mary, of course.
"Hey, lameo!" Betty calls from a table where she, Mike, Tre and all their kids are hanging out. Betty has a comically large sno cone.
"Ooh, where did you get that?" the last of my group, Laura asks Betty.
"The magic sno cone fairy," she replies, gesturing to a stand behind her. Laura runs off and Ben goes with her.
"Feel better?" Betty asks me in between bites of comically large sno cone.
"Much," I reply. A group of kids and their chaperone walks by. Betty jabs me in the leg. "See her? Cathy Martin." she points obviously at the chaperone and she sees. Cathy Martin comes over.
"Is there something I can help you with, Miss Wolff?" she asks bitchily.
"No!" Betty says full of wide eyed optimism. When Cathy Martin turns away, Betty mouths the word 'hooker' and we burst into laughter. Cathy Martin turns and glares at us. Betty says loudly,
"I think it's hilarious that the chaperones think we need chaperones."
"Yeah," I agree at the same volume. " Like they feel they need to moniter us so we don't burn things, take our charges to prostitutes, and buy them crack."
"Oh, yeah that whole crack incident," Betty says before throwing into jazz hands.