Promise Me Forever
it's a want not a need
“Hey,” he said causing me to look away from the setting sun and towards his chocolate eyes. He grinned his goofy grin and I couldn’t help but scoot closer to him. He was just so easy to get along with. It was like he knew everything to say to make the world alright. “What are you thinking about?”
I could’ve told him the truth. That I was thinking about him. I was thinking about how he was protective. I was thinking about how he was sweet and honest. I was thinking about how he’d let me decide my fate sexually. I was thinking about how he always asked these cute questions. But mostly I was thinking about how much I’d be crushed if I never spoke to him again after this whole thing was done and over with. I could’ve told him all of that, but let’s be honest as to who actually would.
“Just some family stuff. D’you know that my mom told me if I didn’t divorce you after this year is over that she would disown me?” I said pulling my second brain function out of my butt, “Like she has any right to say what I can and can’t do,” I mumbled.
“Don’t even think about all of that. We’ve still got ten months of this marriage before we make any rash decisions about ending it.” He said it calmly. It was like he knew the outcome and we hadn’t even gotten past Christmas. “So, seeing that it’s August, I kind of need to know what you’d want for Christmas.” What a change of subject he’d just made. I looked over at him and shrugged. “You can’t give me that ‘I don’t need anything’ shrug. You’re not allowed to do that,” he said quickly.
“I don’t need anything, John. I’d feel awkward having you buy me something. It’d be so weird.”
“I hate to tell you, but our relationship is nothing but weird.”
I shook my head and looked at him. “That doesn’t mean we have to be weird about it,” I pointed out.
“Doesn’t mean I can do a husbandly thing and buy you something for Christmas,” he countered.
“John.”
“Anna.”
“Why do you have to get me something?”
“Because I can just about bet that you’re going to get me something and I don’t want to be a dick and not get you something too.”
“What if I don’t want you to get me something?”
“Then I’m going to get you something really weird.” He looked at me helplessly. “Please, Anna, just tell me something you’d like.”
I looked over and smiled, “I’d really like for you to just be there. I don’t want to spend another Christmas alone,” I finally said. It was true, I didn’t really have a family per say, but that didn’t mean I didn’t want to spend the holidays with people. I just never wanted to go home, or had the opportunity to do so. “I know your job takes you all over but please be home for Christmas. Do that and I’ll be the happiest girl in the world,” I told him honestly.
“Alright, I can arrange that,” he said.
“What about you,” I said turning to look at him.
“I don’t need anything,” he started.
“John, you are not allowed to do that. Make me tell you something but then you go all ‘I don’t need anything.’ I will hurt you,” I warned.
“How are you going to hurt me?”
I let a sly grin cross my face as I leaned forward pressing my lips against his. I could feel the breath catch in his throat as I wrapped my arms around his neck gently caressing the back of his neck with my fingers. His arms caught my waist pulling me towards him. In a fluid motion I pushed him to lie on the ground as I leaned over him resting my body against his carefully. I felt his hands run gently down my legs smoothing down my shorts until he hit skin. I moved to kiss his jaw bone letting my lips drag slowly against his skin going from one spot to the next until I was pulling his collar back to touch skin.
“Not…fair,” I managed as he flipped us over.
“Didn’t say I would be,” I said as I took over his lips again.
It was strange to see how easy this came. But, I guess you didn’t have to be in love to make out with someone. After all most every college party held something like this for someone. His hands kept pushing at my shorts like he was begging.
“Shit…” he managed when I finally stopped us. “Fucking shit.”
“Do you ever think that maybe it’d be easier if we just did it? I mean there wouldn’t be as much sexual tension. I don’t think at least,” I thought aloud. He looked shocked but interested. “I mean, I don’t mind if you wanted to. It might even be a little fun you know, just get it over with so we can stop tiptoeing around each other.”
“Anna, I don’t want you to feel obligated. We don’t have to do anything. We've only been married a few months.”
I sighed and turned my head a little. “We’ve already showed the world that we like making out.” I said as I spotted and remembered the camera crew following us. “And I want to,” I said turning my attention back to him. “I want to do this, I want to do it with you,” I said my mind made up.
“Okay,” he said kissing me gently. “We can do this. Promise me if you change your mind you’ll tell me alright? I don’t to force you to do anything you don’t want to do alright?”
“I promise, and I know. But I want this,” I told him. I wasn’t lying, I did want that. I’d wanted that since a week or so ago. I wanted him to know that I wanted him in more than just the ‘be my husband, kiss me and love me’ type of relationship. I just wanted him so I saw nothing wrong with this little proposition.
I could’ve told him the truth. That I was thinking about him. I was thinking about how he was protective. I was thinking about how he was sweet and honest. I was thinking about how he’d let me decide my fate sexually. I was thinking about how he always asked these cute questions. But mostly I was thinking about how much I’d be crushed if I never spoke to him again after this whole thing was done and over with. I could’ve told him all of that, but let’s be honest as to who actually would.
“Just some family stuff. D’you know that my mom told me if I didn’t divorce you after this year is over that she would disown me?” I said pulling my second brain function out of my butt, “Like she has any right to say what I can and can’t do,” I mumbled.
“Don’t even think about all of that. We’ve still got ten months of this marriage before we make any rash decisions about ending it.” He said it calmly. It was like he knew the outcome and we hadn’t even gotten past Christmas. “So, seeing that it’s August, I kind of need to know what you’d want for Christmas.” What a change of subject he’d just made. I looked over at him and shrugged. “You can’t give me that ‘I don’t need anything’ shrug. You’re not allowed to do that,” he said quickly.
“I don’t need anything, John. I’d feel awkward having you buy me something. It’d be so weird.”
“I hate to tell you, but our relationship is nothing but weird.”
I shook my head and looked at him. “That doesn’t mean we have to be weird about it,” I pointed out.
“Doesn’t mean I can do a husbandly thing and buy you something for Christmas,” he countered.
“John.”
“Anna.”
“Why do you have to get me something?”
“Because I can just about bet that you’re going to get me something and I don’t want to be a dick and not get you something too.”
“What if I don’t want you to get me something?”
“Then I’m going to get you something really weird.” He looked at me helplessly. “Please, Anna, just tell me something you’d like.”
I looked over and smiled, “I’d really like for you to just be there. I don’t want to spend another Christmas alone,” I finally said. It was true, I didn’t really have a family per say, but that didn’t mean I didn’t want to spend the holidays with people. I just never wanted to go home, or had the opportunity to do so. “I know your job takes you all over but please be home for Christmas. Do that and I’ll be the happiest girl in the world,” I told him honestly.
“Alright, I can arrange that,” he said.
“What about you,” I said turning to look at him.
“I don’t need anything,” he started.
“John, you are not allowed to do that. Make me tell you something but then you go all ‘I don’t need anything.’ I will hurt you,” I warned.
“How are you going to hurt me?”
I let a sly grin cross my face as I leaned forward pressing my lips against his. I could feel the breath catch in his throat as I wrapped my arms around his neck gently caressing the back of his neck with my fingers. His arms caught my waist pulling me towards him. In a fluid motion I pushed him to lie on the ground as I leaned over him resting my body against his carefully. I felt his hands run gently down my legs smoothing down my shorts until he hit skin. I moved to kiss his jaw bone letting my lips drag slowly against his skin going from one spot to the next until I was pulling his collar back to touch skin.
“Not…fair,” I managed as he flipped us over.
“Didn’t say I would be,” I said as I took over his lips again.
It was strange to see how easy this came. But, I guess you didn’t have to be in love to make out with someone. After all most every college party held something like this for someone. His hands kept pushing at my shorts like he was begging.
“Shit…” he managed when I finally stopped us. “Fucking shit.”
“Do you ever think that maybe it’d be easier if we just did it? I mean there wouldn’t be as much sexual tension. I don’t think at least,” I thought aloud. He looked shocked but interested. “I mean, I don’t mind if you wanted to. It might even be a little fun you know, just get it over with so we can stop tiptoeing around each other.”
“Anna, I don’t want you to feel obligated. We don’t have to do anything. We've only been married a few months.”
I sighed and turned my head a little. “We’ve already showed the world that we like making out.” I said as I spotted and remembered the camera crew following us. “And I want to,” I said turning my attention back to him. “I want to do this, I want to do it with you,” I said my mind made up.
“Okay,” he said kissing me gently. “We can do this. Promise me if you change your mind you’ll tell me alright? I don’t to force you to do anything you don’t want to do alright?”
“I promise, and I know. But I want this,” I told him. I wasn’t lying, I did want that. I’d wanted that since a week or so ago. I wanted him to know that I wanted him in more than just the ‘be my husband, kiss me and love me’ type of relationship. I just wanted him so I saw nothing wrong with this little proposition.