Promise Me Forever

I couldn’t tell which was worse. The flight into Phoenix or the flight out. I was tired, more so now that I’d been up all night with Anna who couldn’t seem to keep air down let alone food. She told me over and over to just go rest but I couldn’t find it in my heart to let her be sick alone. It was hard leaving her like that, but Kim assured me she was moving in for a few weeks until she could get to a point where she wasn’t sick all the time.

The flight itself was another story. The little “angel” behind me liked kicking. Every five minutes there was another thud against the back of my seat. Slim next to me thought the arm rests were only for him and if I could even breathe I would’ve told smelly that he needed to bathe at least once before getting on a plane. All in all the last few minutes of the flight were torture. Well, the entire flight was. I had never been so happy to see my brother or any person that actually looked as though they’d seen a bar of soap in the past fifty years.

“How was Arizona?”

“Good actually. Do I have time for a nap before the show?”

“It’s noon, you’ve got like four hours,” he said with a shrug. “So, do you have it?”

“Have what?”

“The ultrasound idiot,” he said as though that should’ve been the first thing on my mind when I got off the plane.

“No I don’t have it. My kid is a blob of alien stuff. You can see it when he or she is bigger,” I said defensively.

“You’re a jerk I was looking forward to the alien,” he said crossing his arms.

“I’ll never understand how your brain works,” I commented with a roll of my eyes before heading off to sleep.

&&

“John!” I felt the pillow smack my face before I actually heard my name but I woke up just the same. Looking at him I could only come to terms with my desire to kill him but he cracked a grin and somehow I found it in my heart to let him live. “Get up, we’ve got to go on,” he said tossing the pillow to the back before crawling out of the bus.

“Josh, do you always have to pillow attack me awake?” He nodded as I hopped out after him. “Well I guess that’s good to know. How did the last show go?”

“Good, a few disappointed fans who wanted to meet you but good nonetheless. How did the surprise go?”

“Good, one disappointed wife when I left but nonetheless good.”

It didn’t take long to get everything set up and the first band took the stage. We were up second but I used the time to wake up and run a few songs acoustically just to wake my fingers up. It was odd to be back on tour after a small trip home. I’d never gone home during a tour before so this was a first for me.

It didn’t take long for it to be our turn to perform and after getting all set up and checked we took the stage. The crowd was crazy insane. I always loved cities like this where people would dive over one another to try and get closer. I loved that kids were singing out lyrics and were so excited to see us. It was still a little unreal that we had that affect on people. It didn’t seem to long since I’d been one of those kids at a show. The tables sure had turned.

By the end of the performance I was tired, more so than before, but I couldn’t stop moving around. The adrenaline from the performance always kept me going. Never ceased to amaze me how that happened. Stephen and Josh started packing up there stuff with Cameron and myself. Jess started taking down her kit and little by little we all got our crap put into the trailer so we didn’t have to worry about it later. Once the final band performed we’d stand outside for a few hours and meet people. It was like a routine by now but it never got old.

“Jess, have you seen my phone?”

“John, you lose that thing every day. I’m getting you a little clapper thing for it,” she said taking out her phone and dialing me. I dug around hearing the ring and pulled it out from underneath the back seat. “You’re welcome,” she said with a shake of her head.

“Thanks.”

She laughed and turned to head towards the other guys and mingle with the other bands for a little bit. We had a good drive to do tonight so we’d probably be leaving sooner rather than later. It would’ve been nice except I was pretty sure I was on driving crew tonight and I was beat. I stretched and tucked my phone into my pocket before following her to mingle.

After an hour or so we said our goodbyes and piled into the van to travel on to the next venue. I climbed into shotgun position while Stephen drove for the first few hours.

“So, you nervous?” he asked looking over at me for a moment.

I shrugged, I hadn’t had time to think about it all yet. I was scared out of my mind for what the future held. I was pretty scared that I was going to mess my kid up royally but I think that was mostly just initial shock. “I’m excited but I can’t help but think it won’t work out,” I said honestly. I looked back at Tyler, the guy following me around on tour. “WIll you shut that off for a little bit? Go to sleep,” I suggested to him. He nodded and I turned back to Stephen. “I just wish I had more time to be a kid. This marriage, this television show, all of it is just so soon and I have to grow up now. I don’t think I can do it,” I admitted slowly.

He smiled like this amused him. “You’ll do fine. And you know after a year if it happens that you don’t want to stay married then divorce. Anna knew what she was getting into when she signed that contract as did you. Just because you have a kid doesn’t mean you two have to stay together. It’ll be bad for junior if you do because you won’t really truly be happy and he’ll see that. You deserve to be happy, John. Anna would tell you the same thing.”

I sighed, “it’s just hard. I want to do the right thing but I don’t think I know what that is.”

“When the time comes you will. Trust me.”

I nodded before leaning my head against the rest and looked out the window letting the miles merge together blending one town into the next.