I'm Wearing Thin

Alex

Oh fuck. Oh shit. Oh… shitfuck. Was all that was going through my mind as I sobered up and ran after Lindsay.

I couldn’t believe this had already happened. The girl came onto me. I could have sworn it was Lindsay. I stopped kissing her as soon as I realized it wasn’t but she pressed me against the bus and started touching me and whatnot and I was drunk but I never kissed her back.

But I knew that didn’t matter at all.

“Linds!” I called, shutting the door behind me. I heard her quiet cries, and I wanted to punch myself in the nuts. I rushed back to the bunks, where she was laying in Jack’s.

The alcohol wasn’t affecting me anymore; I was too focused on making sure Lindsay didn’t leave me.

“Baby I swear on my life I thought it was you. I kissed her once because I thought it was you and then I saw it wasn’t but then she kept kissing me and pressed me against the bus but I didn’t kiss back, and then I-”

“Alex,” She interrupted my rambling and I shut up immediately. “Just look at me,” She stopped to sniffle. “And tell me that I matter,”

I knelt down so that I was eye level with her.

“Linds, you more than matter to me, you’re my life.” I said honestly, kissing her.

“Show me,” She said against my lips desperately.

“Are you sure?” I asked. I knew she just wanted to prove something. And really, she had nothing to prove. She was amazing in bed, and I hated that I made her feel like she wasn’t good enough.

She nodded. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t just take advantage of her.

“You won’t be doing anything in my bed,” Jack said, suddenly coming in.

I groaned, rolling off of her and pulling her up and into the front of the bus with me. She sat down on my lap and I wrapped my arms around her waist.

“I’m so sorry,” I mumbled.

“I know,” She said shortly.

I exhaled sharply. “You deserve better, but I’m too weak to let you go,” I told her pathetically. It was true. I wanted her to have the best, but I also only wanted her. I was being selfish, but I don’t think I could live without her. Nothing would be the same.

She didn’t respond, and I tightened my grip on her, kissing the back of her neck.

“Please forgive me.” I pleaded.

She hesitated, staying quiet for a few achingly slow minutes. We sat there in silence as I leaned my forehead against her warm back.

“I forgive you,” She said quietly.

I closed my eyes, smiling wide.

“It wont happen ever again I promise,” I said. I was honestly going to try to stick to that promise. I didn’t like being labeled as the heartbreaker any more. I was tired of being known as a player.