I'm Wearing Thin

Lindsay

“Where the fuck are you?” She asked. Thanks for the hello, mom.

“On tour with the guys,”

“When did you plan on telling me!” She screamed.

“I didn’t plan on telling you, seeing as you really couldn’t care less,” I shot back.

“You know that’s not true,” She argued. All the guys stared at me, which was embarrassing.

“Okay, ma, sure,” I said sarcastically. “That’s why you couldn’t wait for me to turn eighteen so I could get out of the house. That’s why I haven’t heard from you in four months!” I yelled, getting upset.

“It’s because whenever I did call all you talked about how badly Alex treated you and I was tired of hearing you bitch and moan! You should have broken up with him a long time ago. Staying with him just made me lose respect for you.” She said.

“Oh thanks mom, I’m glad I have a caring mother who doesn’t mind listening to my problems.” My voice cracked. No, Linds. You can’t cry.

Alex wrapped his arms around my waist, kissing my neck comfortingly. I pushed him off. I knew it wasn’t his fault at all, but my mom just told me it was because of him that she doesn’t love me, basically.

“Why am I not good enough?” I whimpered.

“You used to be,” She said coldly.

“Why the fuck does dad love you?!” I screamed. What woman says that to her daughter?

“Because I respect myself unlike you! You degrade yourself everyday by staying with your trash of a boyfriend!”

“AT LEAST HE LOVES ME!” I exclaimed, tears running down my face. All of the guys were looking down, not making eye contact with me. This was ridiculous.

“Babe,” Alex murmured, kissing my cheek. “It’s okay,” I shook my head.

“Are we done here?” My mom asked impatiently.

“Fuck you, mom.” I growled. “Don’t call me anymore until you actually care about somebody, other than yourself.” I snapped the phone shut, staring at it.

My whole life, she treated me like shit. When I first got my period, my friends mother had to tell me what to do, and get me pads, because my mother refused to put up with my “whining”.

“I’m sorry guys,” I said quietly. Alex was waiting for permission to touch me, seeing as I had pushed him away twice.

“You don’t have to apologize, it’s not like we haven’t had a good fight in front of each other before,” Zack said.

I laughed a little, tears still streaming down my face. “I’m gonna go… lay down,” I said, walking quickly to the back of the bus.

“Linds?” Alex said, following after me.

“Yeah, Alex.” I sighed.

He sat down next to me, wrapped me in his arms and pulled me into my chest, where I could let my sobs run free. He set his chin on the top of my head, rubbing circles into my back.

“Baby what did she say?” He asked after a few minutes. I was pretty sure the rest of the guys left the bus.

I couldn’t tell Alex what she actually said; he would feel horrible. I didn’t want him to think it was his entire fault.

“She just called me ungrateful and stuff.” I lied.

He shook his head. “That’s a lie. She said something about me, I know it,” He murmured. “Tell me,”

I hesitated. I might as well just tell him. “She said,” I breathed in and swallowed back the lump in my throat. “She said that, that she lost respect for me because I’m degrading myself by being with you,” I said quietly, not looking him in the eye. “She told me she doesn’t call anymore because she didn’t want to hear me bitch about what happens when your gone anymore.” I told him honestly.

He froze up. He didn’t say a word for what seemed like forever, but was really only a minute.

He let me go, and stood up, beginning to pace back and forth, pinching the bridge of his nose, muttering to himself.

“Fuck!” He said loudly, causing me to flinch from his sudden loudness. It had been almost silent in the bus for five minutes while he was just pacing.

“Don’t leave,” I whimpered. I didn’t want him to get mad at himself, or anything, and go to ‘walk it off’ and find some chick who has a nice family, and…

“Baby I’m so sorry,” He whispered, guilt in his eyes.

“It’s not your fault.”

“Yes it is!” I flinched again. “I’m such a douche bag,” He muttered, pulling at his hair.

“My mom is just a bitch,” I denied.

He shook his head, sitting down next to me again and kissing me roughly. “Alex what’s wrong?” I asked in between kisses.

He didn’t answer. He just pushed me down lightly, climbing over top of me. He started being gentle, now. Caressing my face, kissing me slower, with more passion; more meaning. I didn’t get why he was doing this, though.

“Say you love me?” He asked, a look in his eyes I didn’t understand.

“I love you,” I told him, meaning it.

He moaned quietly, laying next to me and pulling me into his arms tightly.

“Babe what’s wrong? What was all that for?” I sniffed.

He was quiet. “Maybe its time I let you go,” He finally said, almost inaudible.

I almost died, right there.