The Bottom of the Bottle

Quote

A neighbor said she moved away
Funny how it rained all day.
I didn't think much of it then
But it's starting to all make sense. - ATL

A month later, I walked into a crowded room of a building I'd never been in. There were men, women, and teens, chatting, drinking coffee, and eating snacks. The man at the head of the room cleared his throat. "Ten minutes, y'all," he said in a Southern accent. He was much older. I grabbed a cookie and took a seat in the back. Munching on it felt so satisfying. The chocolate chips melted in my mouth.

Alexis never came back. I had no idea where she was. I went to her work but she wasn't there. I called her cell phone but it was disconnected. I prayed to God that she was alright, and that she could come back to me.

After most of the people had taken their seats, the man stood up. "My name is Jim, and I'm an alcoholic. I came into this room for the first time 40 years ago, piss-poor and down on my luck. I'd been living on the streets. I would get so drunk I'd forget my own name. I went to rehab after my first meeting. I've been sober ever since." Everyone clapped. He returned to speaking. "AA is a confidential environment. What happens in here, stays in here. All you have to do is stay respectful and have the intention of earning sobriety. Some of you won't make it. I've seen a lot of people die from this addiction." He paused. The room remained silent.

"I hope that you all will be successful. Keep in mind that you are here for yourselves, and no one else. After the meeting, if you need a sponsor, come find one of these people." He, and several other adults raised their hands. "Literature and listings of meetings can be found in the back. Now, if there are any new people here today, feel free to introduce yourselves." A few people raised their hands, and did. The others would all say a big hello. I kept quiet.

Next, a woman carrying a box walked up to the table. "Delya will hand out the coins." Her mocha-colored skin looked smooth. She was a pretty woman. Jim called the times of sobriety from two years, to one year, to different amounts of months, to less than a month. I went up for the "Just for Today". She hugged me and thanked me for coming. She smelled good.

Don't get me wrong. I wasn't interested. It was just nice to be able to have a pretty woman in my company, even if it was only brief.

At the end of the meeting, I lingered around. Another man was talking to Jim. I waited until he had gone to approach Jim. "Hello," I said. He smiled at me. He knew what I wanted.

We went to a diner and grabbed some dinner. He started some small talk. Then, he asked a more personal question. "How old were you when you started drinking?" I though about it. "I was fourteen." He nodded and asked, "Why?" I told him my story. "I was at a party. My grandmother had just died. I was smoking pot and drinking after that. The weed never became much of a problem. I quit when I met Alexis. But the drinking was my big problem." He nodded again. "Is she your girlfriend?" My heart sank. "She was...", I replied.

That night, I had a sponsor. He kept me in line, and got me to go to meetings, even when I had no desire to. When I felt like I was at the end of my rope, I'd call him, and he'd talk me out of it until I felt alright. I went to a detox got physically healthy again. I wasn't ready to go to rehab. I promised Jim if I started drinking again that I'd go, but I managed to stay sober.

I lived my life by the Twelve Steps. The Big Book became my new bible.

"1.We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs."

A year later, I walked up to Delya and got my chip. Jim patted me on the back. I had reached a whole year.

After the meeting, he came up to me, smiling. "I think you're ready," he whispered. I grinned.

It was time for Step 8.