Insane

Being on the brink of insanity was one thing; actually being certain that one was insane was another. Mat Devine never felt the urge to call himself insane, he had allowed himself to believe it was possible but he had never been certain of having a broken mind. It would be an understatement to claim that Mat wasn't the life of any party in the Chicago underground scene. Everyone knew him and he was always around, always making people laugh by the strange things he'd say.

Mat was always cautious of what he would take at parties, well sometimes he would be cautious simply because he knew what the reaction would be. He knew how his mind would alter and he would simply feel that the world was crashing all around him so that he'd have to require a safe hold. Mat never liked having those feelings because it made him feel trapped, as if some unknown force was keeping him in a spiralling pit of despair as he cradled his frail form closely to himself.

Halloween was one of the celebrations that Mat excelled in. Getting dressed up and covering himself up in blood was always a special talent of his simply because he always made sure everything was perfect. Mat liked to celebrate in extravagance like that, because it made him feel like he was living life to the full. Carpe Diem was his motto after all.

Upon arriving at the house that contained the night-life that ruled Chicago he smiled, everyone was prepared for the celebration and several people turned their attention to him as his presence became known amongst the other dancers. To say that he looked the part would have been an inefficient description, he was the part, and he lived and breathed it.

Several hours of alcohol consumption and blissful living brought Mat to a situation that confounded him as he attempted to make a decision. He was offered a substance with which he was familiar with, a substance which upon his first and only consumption had resulted in his skull feeling like it was going to explode as he crawled up the walls like a maniac. The substance that was being offered truly did force him over the line between sanity and madness and Mat was unsure as to what possessed him to take it from it's original owner, inhaling the fumes so that it would take it's affect on him quickly.

Affect him quickly it did and the feeling was almost euphoric. Mat felt his muscles ache with the sensational feeling as he became irrationally aware of his surroundings, feeling the need to move into a somewhat different environment. The substance caused him to fidget and move so quickly up the stairs of the house that he barely had time to consider the situation. He could only move forward and surround him amongst the safe hold of blankets.

After several seconds of staring at the Elmo poster on the opposite wall Mat came to the conclusion that he was hiding away in his friends' daughter's bedroom. His mind clawing away at his skull as the madness began to sink its way deeper into his soul. Mat could not comprehend what was occurring to himself only that his body quaked at the mere thought of becoming mad.

Mat shook as he pondered; insanity was not something he could deal with. He was certain that his mind had finally broken and the pain that he felt as a cause of it was enough to keep him in his uncomfortable position. Fidgeting as his world seemed to cave in all around him, they would send him away, and they would force him into an asylum. Mat couldn't deal with confinement like that, let alone the thoughts that were running through his head at that given time.

Mat couldn't continue to think in such a way any more, if they were to take him away he would have to take his own life first. He knew what it felt like to be insane and this was one thing he knew he was not capable of living with. Insanity was the very brink of destruction in his eyes; he shook constantly as similar thoughts flew through his broken mind.

This was what insanity felt like. Mat only hoped that it would not last for a lifetime.