Love, I Am Your Shadow

“Tasha can you stop day dreaming and pack up your things” Kiara demanded just before the bell rang. I happen to day dream a lot lately. "Tasha!” she called my name again.
"What!?" I yelled causing Kiara to jump back hesitantly.
"The bell just rang, class is over, lets go to lunch," she explained. I grabbed my books and shoved them in my bag and walked to the lunch room with Kiara.

All I got was a bag of Lays potato chips and a carton of milk. I’m never really that hungry at lunch and Kiara never eats school food anyway. All we really do during lunch is talk.
"How can you even eat those chips, everything here is sick," she claims. I opened the bag of chips and was just about to reach my hand in when this chubby white kid bumped into me and grabbed my chips. Really? I thought. Too bad I’m too shy to speak my mind, I know Kiara will do that for my anyway. I sat quietly in my chair looking down at the table where my chips last resided.

"Hey fat ass give that back to her," Kiara yelled. She suddenly got up as he ignored her and walked over to him, put him in a head lock then tightened her grip. Before she could say anything Dwayne Carter walked up to them and grabbed the chips out of his hands then walked over to me. I’ve only seen him a couple times before, he’s always with his friends and never talks to anyone else.
"Stay away from the girls you idiot," Dwayne says as he sets the chips down by me and walks away.

"Thank you," I whispered under my breath as Kiara came back to the table. She looked at me with a slightly angry look.
"What did you say?" she asked then quickly looked up at Dwayne who was still walking away. He was leaving the lunchroom with his friends.
"HEY! Dwayne! My Friend here says thank you!!" Kiara yelled across the lunchroom. I lowered my head embarrassed. Dwayne turned slightly and nodded. Just then everyone at the chubby kids table started laughing.

"Kiara, you didn't need to say that, you made it such a big deal I could have got more chips," I explained to her.
"All this over a bag of chips,” she sighed. “How lame.." she said.
"That’s exactly what I was thinking in the beginning," I insisted.
"But isn't Dwayne cute?" she kicked me under the table to get my attention. Well sure I thought he was cute but I didn‘t want to say that I thought he was cause she would turn it into this crazy adventure.

"No...uh…no" I lied. The only thing I hate about lying is the fact that I can’t do it.
"You need to learn how to lie cause that ain't workin fo ya," she said while messing with her hair. "Hey ain't he in that one advanced class you take?" she asked.
"I don‘t know, I don‘t really pay attention to other people in my class," I thought for a moment, he might be in my class but I’m not sure.
"I think he is in your class, look for him and tell him thank you," she demanded.

"Yeah I don't know about that," I laughed.
"Sometimes I wish you weren’t half white. Listen girl you need to stop acting like you’re all shy at school, I know how you’re like, I don't give a shit what those dumb asses think of me, you ain’t need to either," Kiara explained while pulling me to the bathroom.
"Why are we here?" I asked. Kiara came out of the stall.
"Oh, I just needed to use the bathroom," she said with a cute smile.

Finally, its the end of the day and Kiara is in here to bug me about relationships. I’m only nine anyway why do I need a relationship? I never really noticed all the people in here, I always just kept quiet and did all my work. I never talked, the teacher never called on me, it’s as if I don’t even exist. I like that. The first thing I happened to notice was Dwayne. He is in my class and he’s sitting right in front of me.

Maybe I should tell him thank you, but that would be odd. I looked down at the desk at my notebook. I knew I shouldn’t have looked around. I feel so awkward in the classroom now.
"Hey," a voice said very close to me. I stayed quiet, unsure if the voice was talking to me or not. “You’re Natasha right?” the voice asked. I looked up quickly and saw that It was Dwayne talking to me. Oh this is not good, I’m too shy for this.
"Uh… Yeah," I said quickly then looked back down at my desk.

"Its fine," he said reaching out to me and lifting my head. Our eyes met for the first time and I felt like crying. "You ain't gotta be shy around me," he said swiftly and a small tear rolled down my cheek. “Are you okay?” He asked looking a little freaked out. He whipped my tear as the teacher began to speak. I nodded quickly. How was I supposed to say, no I’m fine I’m only crying because I really like you and you’re talking to me and I’m shy and I don’t know what to say to you? “Lets finish this conversation after class,” he smiled, such a cute smile.

Class went by quickly. I wish it would have gone a little slower, I have no idea what else there is he has to say to me.
“Hey Natasha,” he said quickly turning around. That startled me just a little bit.
“Y-yeah,” my voice shook.
“Can I walk you home today?” he asked suddenly. I want to say yes so bad. I don’t know what to do. I shook my head slowly with an uncertain look on my face.
“It’s a good thing I don’t take no for an answer,” he smiled as he got up and grabbed my books. “I can tell you want me to anyway, I’m not stupid.”

I got up and put my bag over my shoulder and soon after his arm was over my shoulder as well. He pulled me close to him. I feel so awkward, why is this happening to me?
“Oh… Would you rather we just held hands instead?” Wayne said quickly removing his arm. I shook my head quickly looking at the floor slightly blushing. “You sure?” he asked placing his arm on my shoulder again. We walked out of the class room and instantly Kiara was in my face. I knew she would say some smart remark.
“And I thought you said you didn’t like him,” Kiara smiled. I ignored her and started walking, dragging Wayne along with me.
“I knew she liked me months ago,” Wayne laughed pulling me slightly closer to him.
“How?” I shocked, moving back to our original distance.
“I just knew,” he smiled.

“Tasha are you still coming over tonight?” Kiara asked excitedly. I turned my head to Wayne slightly and bit my lower lip. I want to go with Wayne but I did promise Kiara I would come over tonight. “It’s ok, We’ll hang out another time,” Kiara said as she patted me on the shoulder than swiftly ran down the hall to her locker. I must have hesitated too long. Its like she can just read me like a damn book. That gets annoying, but I don’t know how to stand up for myself. I’m too weak.

“You need help,” Wayne blurted.
“W-what are you talking about?” I shocked once again.
“I’ll help you become stronger and confident,” He smiled at me which made me blush. I don’t need him to help me. He’s already helping me enough by being with me.
“I don’t need your help.” I looked at the ground and he suddenly pulled me closer. “Why are you squeezing me?” I asked looking up at him. His eyes were looking towards a group of black guys. They looked like creeps. Like they wanted something from me. “Oh,” I whispered.
“I don’t know what it is but they want you for something,” Wayne whispered in my ear.
“How would you know,” I asked.
“I can just tell,” He snarled. That seemed a bit creepy to me but I don’t care what Wayne does, I like him.

We walked all the way back to my house talking about each other the entire way. He seems special to me. Like I want to just steal him from the world and go far away, very far away, like to mars or something.

"Call me tonight," he said as he held me close. We we’re standing on my porch and I felt awkward. This is where all the couples I’ve seen in movies kiss. I really don’t want to, I’m only nine. Oh and the fact that we’re not even a couple and I’m way too damn shy to do anything of the sort.
He let his arms loosen and his hands slid down my arms to my hands. He held my hands then kissed me on the cheek surprisingly. I felt a rush of energy and started blushing. Wayne giggled and placed his hands on each side of my face.
“You’re too damn cute Natasha,” He said then lowered his hands and walked slowly down my sidewalk. I just stood there like an idiot on my front porch as I watched him walk away. He looked at me the entire time until he was out of sight.

I waited about a half an hour before I called him to see if he was home. He wasn’t but I got to talk to his mom for a little bit. She’s really nice. She told me to hold on to Wayne and get him off the street. All I can say is I’ll do my best. I bet she could tell I’m shy and not very outgoing at all. I hardly said anything but she kept talking to me anyway. She told me that she will have Wayne call me when he gets home. So all I could do was wait.

“Hello?!” I said as I frantically grabbed the phone and almost slammed it against my ear. It’s eleven at night and I was falling asleep next to the phone.
“Are you okay?” Wayne asked.
“Yeah I’m fine, just a little tired… umm… Where were you all day?” I asked. That sounded kind of bossy. I hope that’s okay.
“Are you my girl?” he asked suddenly in an annoyed sort of tone. I don’t think it was okay for me to ask him that. I stayed quiet. “Hello?”
“Huh?”
“Never mind that. Do you want to meet some of my friends tomorrow?” Wayne asked.
“Yes.” I said that with no hesitation. I hope that didn’t sound bad. I’m too much of a worry wart. I need to stop thinking so much.
“Great, I’ll come get you at noon. I mean if that’s alright?” he questioned. I nodded. How stupid.
“Yes, That’s fine.”
“I’m sorry that it took so long for me to call you back,” he yawned.
“What were you doing?” I asked.
“I promise I’ll tell you everything tomorrow,” he said sort of trailing off on his last few words.

We were silent for a while but I didn’t mind. I don’t really know what else to say to him. After a while I heard steady breaths. I knew he was asleep so I got myself more comfortable and closed my eyes with the phone resting on my head.
“Wayne?” I whispered. “Wayne?” I whispered a bit louder. I heard some odd noises, like ruffling then he coughed. “Wayne?” I said in my normal voice.
“Uh.. Hmm?” He sounded so cute. I couldn’t help but giggle.
“You feel asleep,” I claimed.
“I’m sorry, I’ll see you tomorrow. I can’t be running the phone all night my mom will kill me,” he said quietly. I stupidly nodded again. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Wayne,” I whispered then shortly after he hung up.

“Natasha!” I heard my mom yell as I was getting out of the shower. “Who is this boy?” she asked, now outside the bathroom door. Wayne’s here already? He’s early. “Send him to my room mom!” I yelled at her. I didn’t hear anything else from her, I only heard foot steps going to my room.

The great thing about what I just did was send a guy I like to my room when I have no clothes on. Great.
I walked into my room with only a towel wrapped around me. Wayne was sitting on my bed but as soon as I walked in he got up and walked past me. What? Is there something wrong with me?
“I’ll wait outside your room,” he said then closed my door behind him. I got dressed quickly then left my room. He immediately grabbed my hand and we walked past my parents and out the door.
“Natasha! I will find out if anything goes on with you, just so you know that! And be home by nine!” my mom yelled after me as we ran away.

“What’s up with your mom?” Wayne asked after a block of running. We stopped running so we could talk.
“She is really mean, I never get what I want and she always gets her way,” I said sounding very childish. Well I am nine, even though we are both mature for our age there are times when we can act like our age.
“I see,” he said in an understanding tone.
We talked some more about ourselves and after a while we walked up to this very old apartment building. We walked up to the top floor and Wayne knocked on the door.

“Yeah Yeah mother fucker I’m coming,” I woman yelled then a baby started to cry. Not a moment later the door flung open. “Great, Bryan, Wayne’s here!” the woman yelled. She was holding a baby and what looked like a leash that was around a toddlers neck. The lady walked away with the toddler practically dragging on the floor.
After a while a boy that looked about our age came out and closed the door.

“Hey Wayne, What’s up homie?” I believe his name is Bryan. He did an odd handshake with Wayne then looked at me. “Who’s this?” he asked.
“This is Natasha,” Wayne said proudly.
“Hey Natasha, I’m Beezy,” he said with a little wave. “Can I call you Nat?” All I did was nod. “Oh you’re shy. Alright.”

“Let’s go,” Wayne said then put his arm over my shoulders. “I trust you Natasha,” Wayne started as we walked down the stairs. “I’m going to show you what I do everyday,” he added. I don’t mind, but I have a feeling its not a good thing that he does everyday. Most likely a total opposite of everything I do in a day. “But first I have to ask you something,” he said then stopped at the bottom of the stairs. Beezy turned around and looked at us as Wayne turned to me. I nodded once again. “I didn’t hear you,” he commented on my nod.

“Yes?” I said in response to him.
“That’s better,” he smiled. I feel so anxious. “If you don’t want to answer this question right now, right here, in front of Beezy, that’s fine, but to get out of answering you’d have to kiss me,” he smiled even bigger now. How irresistible he looked to me. A kiss right now seemed awkward though. I would never do that in front of anyone. Especially not my first either.

“What is your question?” I asked trying to keep my voice from shaking.
“Will you be my girlfriend?” he asked quietly. Beezy looked annoyed.
“Really man? Why didn’t you ask her sooner, I mean its like you already going out so I don’t understand the point of this,” Beezy complained.
“Shut the hell up Beezy!” I blurted out uncontrollably. That came out of no where. I said something that I never thought I would say in my life. That’s not good.
“Damn, Wayne she’s perfect for you,” Beezy commented. All Wayne could do was laugh.
“Yes.” I answered while they were laughing.
“What?” Wayne shocked. I know he heard me and I’m not saying it again.
“She said yes nigga,” Beezy said calmly. Wayne seemed overly excited for a moment then he hugged me very tightly.

“Thank you, I really like you,” Wayne whispered in my ear. Those words were the greatest thing’s I’ve ever heard in my life. How could I say that, I know Wayne will say something even greater than that one day.