He Wanted it to be Her

Kayden was still angry as she ran though the house to pack her bag. She had stopped yelling or even talking as she moved. Instead she had resigned herself to a disturbing silence compared to the rage she displayed just a few moments ago.

"Just listen! You don't understand. Listen to me for a minute!" Gerard repeated as he followed her through the rooms.

She stopped to throw her hands into the air. "I understand, Gerard, I really do." She said harshly. "But it's not me who needs to understand, it's you."

"No," The anger was returning to his voice and he had to fight to keep it away. "You don't understand."

"Okay, well, I'm going to Amber's house. Maybe when you understand, you can call." She pushed passed him to get into the kitchen so she could get her purse and keys.

"Will you just fucking calm down and listen to me?" He yelled no longer trying to maintain a less angry personality.

"Goodbye." She said as she slipped out the front door too fast for him to stop her or the door from slamming into his face. From the window Gerard watched her drive away in her little blue car without looking back at the house or him.

Angry, he pulled open the fridge. "Fuck, I need a drink." He said and then he slammed the door. This was his new, alcohol free life. He wouldn't let himself ruin it over Kayden leaving, even if she was worth it. Instead he went to the sink and got himself a glass of water that he took to with him to the little island with the marble top that Kayden had thought was so pretty. Damn it! If she was going to rush out of the house like that, why was he the one left to sit and find memories in every fucking thing in the house. Maybe that was the way she had wanted it, pick appliances that would make him feel guilty someday.

He had only just sunk into one of the stools when the phone rang. The only reason he picked it up was becausehe wanted it to be Kayden it was close to him.

"God Gee. Amber just phoned Alicia. Kayden is freaking out at her house."

Gerard smiled at the sound of his brother's voice. "Yeah, she was pretty angry when she left." He told the phone. His voice was humourless despite the little laugh he tacked on at the end.

"Are you okay?"

"I think I will be."

"Maybe you should apologize." Mikey suggested, "She’s pretty upset. Amber is pissed at you too, so don't go over there to do it."

Gerard groaned, "I've got to think for a while. I'll call you later."

"Do you want me to come over?"

"No, it's okay. Bye." He turned off the phone and took a slow drink from his glass. Tonight was going to be a long one.

"I just can't believe him!" Kayden's angry voice had been bombarding Amber for the past hour, but Amber sat on the couch and listened to every word Kayden had to say. Every so often adding her thoughts as Kayden ranted.

"I know Kay, you've said that five times already." Amber said then added, "I can't believe him either. But it happened, we'll figure it out."

Kayden sighed and sat down on the leather couch. "You're lucky; you don't have to deal with this."

Amber laughed, "Instead I'm single and I spend every Friday night at home."

That seemed to set Kayden off again. "That's the problem. He's always so busy with the band and I get that it's his job and all, but he promised us a few weeks together. Now he's suddenly getting these calls and wants to record a new album. I can't take it anymore! He's too obsessed with this."

Amber nodded, "Did you actually tell him that?"

Kayden stared at her friend disbelievingly. "I'm not stupid Amber. That's the reason he took those weeks off in the first place."

"He's a man, sometimes you gotta remind him."

Kayden rolled her eyes. "Gerard sometimes just goes over the top for MCR and forgets about the other stuff. It frustrates me sometimes, how little time we get to spend together and how little effort he puts into it."

"You do know he turned down a couple weeks in Asia to be here with you, right?" Amber told her, "I mean it's not like he forgets anniversaries or birthdays or stuff like that. Give him a little slack."

"I do," Kayden replied miserably, "But it's always only one day or one weekend and then he's flying off to some foreign country and I don't have a clue what he's doing. How am I supposed to know he's not cheating on me with some girl from France?"

Amber looked shocked and Kayden knew she had gone too far. One thing was for sure, Gerard would never do that to her. "Okay, now you are going into pity mood, time for some comfort food." She got up from the couch and went into her kitchen only to return shortly with a big bucket of ice cream and two spoons. "Eat. Tonight you can be angry. But tomorrow you're calling him and apologizing."

Kayden stuck her spoon into the bucket and then into her mouth, savouring the taste. "Okay, but he's got to figure out when we can spend some time together and not cancel it."

"You're getting ahead of yourself Kayden. We're only at the ice cream stage." Amber told her and both girls laughed. "This is beginning to be just as stressful on me as it is to you. Thanks."

Gerard was bored of watching television and trying to stay mad at Kayden. He wanted her to be sitting beside him and laughing at the cheesiness of the commercials like they always did when they watched TV. Mikey had dropped by even though Gerard had told him not to. They had talked and Gerard was beginning to feel bad about cancelling the time he had set aside for Kayden and him. He knew they didn't much time together, but she had a life here and his life was all over the place. He felt like he was already spread too thin to put a lot into one part.

But he had promised her those few weeks.

From the coffee table the cordless phone mocked him. He didn't know why he didn't just go and put it in its cradle. Mikey wanted him to phone her and ask her to come and talk with him. He just wanted her to come home. Suddenly the house seemed too small to fit all of him. He picked the phone up and dialled Mikey's number.

"Hey, do you think I could spend the night at your place?"

"Why?" Mikey sounded tired and Gerard felt bad about neglecting to check the clock before phoning.

"This place is depressing me." He said knowing his brother would forgive him for the late night wake up call.

Mikey groaned. "Okay, Alicia's gone over to Amber's for the night. You can come if you want."

"Cool, thanks Mikey. I'll be over in a few."

"See you soon."

When Alicia came, she brought with her a load of junk food to add to Amber's already huge pile. The sugar rush from it was beginning to wear off and the three girls had crashed on Amber's king sized bed.

"I don't think I'm ever going to be able to eat ice cream again." Amber groaned. "Ugh, I feel like puking from just thinking about it."

"Don't talk about food." Alicia ordered. "I can't take it."

Kayden groaned too, more just for the fun of it, and sat up. The sounds of the movie they had left playing in the living room drifted into the bedroom. The little clock on Amber's nightstand read 1:24. Kayden reached for the phone beside the bed.

"Kay, what are you doing?" Amber asked, sitting up with a little difficulty.

"I should phone him." Kayden said but she didn't dial, she just stared at the buttons.

Alicia sat up too and then laid down again. "Then call, what's the worst it can do. You're already fighting."

"Easy for you to say." Amber teased, "You're married." Then she turned to Kayden. "Phone if you want, but it you start yelling, take it to another room."

Hesitantly Kayden pushed in the familiar sequence of numbers to the home phone she and Gerard shared. She was only phoning to say goodnight to him make sure he hadn't done anything stupid. She let it ring five times before hanging up without an answer.

"Maybe he's just not answering." Alicia said, "Try his cell."

Kayden did and was sent straight to voice mail. "What the hell?"

Amber took the phone away from Kayden before she could break it. "He's probably at someone's house like you are." She reasoned.

"You know what?" Alicia said from her laying down position, "I forgot my pyjamas." She giggled. "I have to go back home." They all knew Amber was far too small for anyone of them to borrow clothes from and Kayden had only brought one pair.

"I'll come with you." Kayden volunteered.

Amber laughed, "Me too, we'll make it the 'out' part of this girls night out."

"You seriously don't mind sleeping on the couch?" Mikey asked his brother again.

"Nope, don't worry about it." Gerard replied.

"I am so sorry the guest room isn't finished yet for you. We just painted it today."

Gerard sat on his makeshift bed. "Really Mikey, I don't mind. You should know I’ve slept in worse places."

Mikey looked relieved, "Okay, see you in the morning."

"Night." Gerard replied.

He was barely asleep when he heard the front door open and the giggles from outside.

"God Alicia, I feel like I'm breaking into someone's house." It was Kayden's voice.

Alicia laughed, "Be quiet. We'll wake Mikey up. Stay down here."

Quietly Gerard sat up and wondered if he should sneak away. Alicia went upstairs while the other two girls moved further into the living room.

"Should we turn some lights on?" Amber asked.

"No," Kayden said, "We'll only be here a minute."

From the shadows he watched her walk over to the couch. In the dark she must not have noticed him or the blankets and pillows. He could barely make her out and she had sat down on the opposite end of the couch.

"I feel like someone is watching us." Amber said from wherever she was.

Gerard smiled, "Hi," He said.

Kayden screamed and jumped away from the couch and into the coffee table before falling to the floor and scrambling to get away. Amber just screamed.

Lights come on upstairs and Alicia's voice carried down to the living room. "Oh good job you guys."

Amber had switched on the lights and both girls were staring at Gerard. Kayden had managed to back up against the wall and was sighing in relief. "What the hell!"

Mikey came down the stairs in his pyjamas and laughed at the scene. "Hey, thanks for dropping by." He said and went to sit in one of the arm chairs.

Amber had somehow gotten onto the floor and crawled towards another chair before pulling herself up and into it. Alicia had followed her husband and perched on the arm of his chair making Kayden the only one left standing.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Alicia demanded, pointing at Gerard.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Mikey countered.

"I live here!" Alicia reminded him with a soft whack to his head.

Kayden laughed nervously and went to sit on the opposite side of couch from Gerard. "We came to get her pyjamas."

"I'm spending the night." Gerard volunteered. "I didn't break in or anything."

Mikey yawned. "Well, boys and girls, it is almost two in the morning. I think it would be appropriate for us to go to bed and since I don't have enough beds to accommodate all of you, most of you will have to leave. You don't have to go home; you just have to find a bed to sleep in." He offered.

"Actually," Amber said, "I think that's a good idea." She winked at Kayden as she spoke. "I'll see you guys in the morning." She waved as she walked out of the house.

Both Gerard and Kayden left with her but the two got into Gerard's car and left Amber alone in hers. Kayden sat stiffly in her seat with her arms crossed firmly over her chest. She'd be damned if she was going to be the first one to break the silence that reminded her of why she had been with Amber in the first place. She felt foolishly glad that Gerard hadn't been home to answer her call earlier that night. She wanted him to apologize first this time.

Because Mikey and Alicia's house wasn't far from Gerard's and Kayden's, the drive wasn't long. Neither moved to get out of the car once Gerard had cut the engine and because the headlights had been turned off with the car, the couple sat in a silent darkness.

"I'm sorry, okay? I was wrong, if you want, I'll call Reprise Records tomorrow and cancel the dates, okay?" Gerard said harshly. He didn’t want to start another fight, but he was too tired to care.

Kayden unbuckled her seatbelt and opened her car door. "It doesn't mean anything when you're angry." She said under her breath as she got out of the car.

Gerard followed her as she stormed up to the door and stopped to unlock it. "What do you want from me then, Kay?"

She stopped fumbling with her keys and turned to stare at him with an exasperated look. "I want you to remember me when you make decisions. I want to know I'm not loosing you to a job and that I can't depend on what you say. Gerard, when was the last time you spent any length of time at home?" Her voice was hushed because of the late hour. Even in anger she was considerate of those around her.

Gerard wanted to deny it, but he didn't know how to. Kayden had gone back to unlocking the door as she waited for his reply. Silently he followed her inside.

She glanced at the clock on the wall above the couch. "It's almost two thirty. I'm going to bed." Gerard watched her as she turned to go up the stairs. Vaguely he realized she meant for him to sleep on the couch. But he didn't care. It was starting to hit him how much he loved her. Every time it did he felt like he had been knocked off his feet and he was falling in an endless spiral. She didn't know how dependent he had become on her.

"I'm sorry," He told her; his voice was more sincere than in the car, he meant, it this time. "I know I'm not here enough."

Kayden sighed and turned to face him again. She couldn't walk away now. She had wanted him to apologize first and he had. Now it was her turn. "I'm sorry I flipped out on you and left. It was stupid."

Gerard wrapped his arms around her. She felt perfect against him. "I meant what I said about cancelling the dates. I want to be here too." He promised.

"You don't have to." Kayden replied and buried her face in his chest.

Gerard kissed her on her head and inhaled the scent of her hair. One of his favourite past times. "But I will. I love you, Kayden."

He couldn't see it, but she smiled. "I love you too." Her words were smothered by the fabric of his shirt but he understood them. "Let's never fight again."

They both laughed. "Okay."