Take My ***ing Hand

"You're family?" he asked. 

"Yeah…" I questioned. What was he expecting me to say?

"I was thinking about you dancing naked around a pole" 
Yeah, I'm sure he'd love that. 

I wasn't really thinking about that, just so you know. 

"What about you?" I asked. 

"How close do you think they are to finding us?" he asked, ignoring my question. 

"I have absolutely no idea." I answered honestly. 

"I bet my family hasn't even noticed that I'm missing yet." he mumbled. 

I looked up at him, to see that he was holding his knees against his chest, and was looking down at the ground. He looked honestly upset by his statement. 

"What do you mean?" I asked in the most sincere voice I think I've ever spoken to him in. 

"I come from a huge family. And I'm not exactly the favorite. My parents and other siblings don't exactly approve of the way I dress or my 'Promiscuity.' " he said using air quotes. "They're probably glad to be rid of me. So now I can't taint the family name, and everyone will give them free shit and feel sorry for them for 'the loss of their son.' " 

"I bet they're out looking for you. They've gotta miss their son." I tried to assure him. "Do they know that you're gay?" I asked. 

"No. Because I'm not gay." he stated simply. 

I rolled my eyes. 

"Do they know that you fuck guys?" I rephrased the question. 

"Are you kidding? They're Mormon. They'd disown me in a heart beat. Then again, they might just lock me in the basement and try and brainwash me into being like one of my big brothers." he finished. 

I wasn't sure how to respond to that, so there was a bit of silence. 

"Is that why you're such a whore?" I asked. It just kind of slipped out. I didn't mean for it to be so blunt. He raised an eyebrow at me."I mean, you know, for the attention from your parents?" I cleared, turning a bit red, though it was hard to see in the dim light. 

"Maybe." he said. "And it's just fun." 

Way to go Urie. I almost felt sorry for you. 

"What about you?" he asked. 

"What about me?" I challenged. 

"No. I mean, does your family know that you're gay?" he asked. 

"It's just my dad." I said. "And yeah, he knows." 

"Oh. How'd he take it when you told him?" he asked. 

"It took him some getting used to. He wasn't exactly happy, but he came around eventually." I explained. 

"What happened to your mom? If you don't mind my asking…" he said in a cautious voice. 

"Oh. Um, she died a few years ago in a car accident." I started. "It was right after we had a fight and I told her that I hated her, and that I never wanted to see her again. It really messed me up. Not to mention I was still in the closet. I was a mess. I even tried to commit suicide-" I cut myself off when I realized I had TMI'd. 

I looked up and he was staring back at me with wide eyes. 

"Um, but Spencer and Vicky found me in time, and they threw me in counseling. I'm all better and… sane now." I finished. 

There was an awkward silence while he continuously stared at me with wide eyes. 

"What?" I asked defensively. "Stop staring at me." I said. He quickly averted his gaze to the ground. 

"Sorry." he mumbled. Apologizing? Again? I wonder what's with him lately. 

"It's, uh, okay." I said awkwardly. I figured if he was being nice, I should try and return it so I don't end up looking like an ass hole. In all honesty, I find this civil conversation to be a little strange. I think I'd rather argue and put up with his crude behavior, just because its less awkward, and I just don't really know how to act nice and what not around him.  

"Why do you hate me so much?" he asked out of the blue. I looked up at him, and he was still looking at the ground. 

"I could ask you the same question." I said. 

"But I asked you first." he countered. 

I exhaled. "Fine." I thought a bit before answering. "When I was a freshman, I was still a bit of an emotional wreck. I knew what everyone was saying about you, how you used people for a good time, then never spoke to them again. I was just planning on ignoring you through out high-school so I could get through in one piece. But you made that difficult. I was afraid of getting hurt." I finished. 

"So you hurt me instead." he mumbled, it probably wasn't meant for me to hear. 

"What?" I asked. Hurt him? 

"Um. I mean, you humiliated me." he said. "In front of the entire school. I'd never been rejected before, and it's even worse when the entire student body is there to witness it and make fun of you." 

"Is that your reason for hating me?" I asked. 

He nodded. 

"I'm sorry." I said. He looked surprised by my apology. As did I. I wasn't thinking when I said it. If I was, I'd probably say something along the lines of "You had it coming." but instead I apologized. Weird. 

A small smile grew on his face.It made my heart flutter

"It's okay." he said. "I'm sorry too. I should have left you alone." He seemed sincere in his apology. Like he wasn't just doing it to humor me or because he found it amusing. He sounded like he actually meant it. 

A small involuntary smile made it's way to me lips. "It's okay." I mumbled. 

"Think we should go to sleep? I'm tired." he said. 

"Yeah me too." I said. I stretched my arms before getting up off the log I was sitting on, and pushing it back so I could use it as a pillow of some sort. I turned to my side and brought my knees up to my chest. It was sort of comfortable I guess. Nothing compared to last night. 

"Good night." I said. 

"Night." 

I heard some rustling, probably from Brendon. 

"Um…" I looked up to see Brendon standing over me. I Raised my eyebrow. 

"I know we have the fire and everything, but um, I'm still kind of cold, and honestly I was really comfortable last night. Do you mind if…" He mumbled. 

I smirked. "Sure. Why not?" 

He smiled and laid down next to me. I turned to face him, and he wrapped his arms around my waist. I rested my head on his chest, and was suddenly comfortable. 

A lot more comfortable.