A City of Fools

“What the hell do you mean, you kissed Alex?” Lauren asked after the funeral, when she and her best friend were lounging in her room.

Eli shrugged. “I kissed him,” she repeated.

Lauren sighed, running a hand over her hair. “I don't understand how that happened.”

She shrugged again, pulling a blanket across her lap. “I...don't know, you know? I mean. I was furious with him—furious that he showed up at my brother's funeral—and we were yelling at each other. And the next thing I know, I'm kissing him and he's kissing me and...” she shook her head. “He pulled away. Which made me mad.”

“Why did it make you mad? You shouldn't have been macking on Gaskarth anyway!”

“Ren, it's like...” she trailed off. “I was upset because of my brother and then I just felt rejected, you know?”

Lauren sighed. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess.” She paused for a minute. “I mean, do you...want to do it again?”

Eli's eyes widened and she shook her head. “Hell no! If I see Gaskarth again, I'm going to smack that damn smirk off his stupid face,” she said.

Lauren was quiet for a minute before she busted out laughing. “I can't believe you kissed Gaskarth!”

“Ugh, don't remind me,” Eli said, her face flushing, as she buried her head in her lap.

Lauren threw an arm around her shoulder. “Well... How was it?”

“How was what?”

“The kiss, you fool,” Lauren said, rolling her eyes.

Eli groaned loudly.

“That good, huh?”

“Boy has got moves,” Eli muttered before sitting up slowly. “I hate myself for enjoying it. I was drunk on depression—that's my excuse.”

Lauren rolled her eyes again. “So...you think he's cute...and a good kisser... What's wrong with you?” she joked, elbowing her friend in the side lightly.

“I'm going insane,” Eli told her. “That's the only explanation.”

“Or you like him.”

Eli paused. “I'd prefer the insane alibi. I do not like Gaskarth.”

“You sure?”

“I'd rather shove bamboo under my fingernails and gnaw my own leg off,” Eli told her.

Lauren shrugged. “Impressive. The amount of torture you'd rather endure than mack on Gaskarth again.”

“You will not tell Jack this,” Eli said. “Or I'll...do something...”

“I won't tell him.”

“Promise me.”

Lauren held out her smallest finger. “I promise.”

Yup; that's why they were best friends.

Eli sighed, hugging her best friend. “I just...don't understand how he's so quiet in school but such an asshole any other time.”

Lauren shrugged. “He's like...a whore in hiding or something. How much do you wanna bet?”

“Why do you say that?” Eli asked, laughing.

“He just looks like the type.”

“The manwhore type?”

“Yes. Precisely,” Lauren said, nodding.

Eli rolled her eyes. “You know what... It actually wouldn't surprise me.”

“I'm always right. Haven't I told you this before?” Lauren asked.

“Maybe that's why he's a good kisser...”

+

“Are you going to be able to control yourself when Eli comes back to school tomorrow?” Jack asked as Alex sprawled across the beanbag chair in his room.

Alex's eyes narrowed. “How do you mean?”

Jack's dark eyes widened. “How else would I mean? Don't be a douche bag—her brother is gone, okay?”

Alex rolled his eyes. “You're acting like I don't know what she's going through. If you remember correctly, I've been in her position before.”

Jack sighed. “I know what you mean, brah, I just...”

“She's Lauren's best friend?” Alex offered.

He nodded. “Yeah. And if you piss Eli off, Lauren will get pissed off. And she'll get pissed off at me because I'm supposed to be able to control you.”

Alex rolled his eyes. “No one can control me.”

“Don't do that, brah; don't play the untouchable bad-ass card,” Jack said, sighing. “It's getting really tiring listening you to and Eli bitching at each other all the time.”

He shrugged. “Then don't listen.”

“Don't be an ass,” Jack repeated. “Just...be sympathetic, you know? You were torn up after Daniel—“

“Shut up,” Alex snapped.

Jack sighed. “I thought you might, like, be a bit nicer to her now that you have something in common.”

Alex's eyes narrowed. “Why would I be nice to her when all she's ever done is be a bitch to me?”

“You're a bitch to her, too, Alex,” Jack reminded him. “Just. Try, okay? That's all I'm asking.”

Alex crossed his arms over his chest, mirroring the pose of a petulant child.

Jack sighed.”Alex...”

“Fine. I'll try. But I won't like it.”

+

Eli was frustrated; it was another morning when nothing was going right for her. She wanted her fist day back to school to be less hectic but that's not how it was going. The clothes she wanted to wear were dirty, her eyeliner broke, and her hair was a hot mess. Normally she didn't care what she looked like—there's difference between wanting to look good and wanting to look presentable.

She sighed and finally gave up on trying to straighten out her clothes, forgoing the nice skirt and blouse for a pair of jeans and an old long sleeve shirt. She threw her straightener across the room, wondering if the device not working was some sort of karma for always wanting to straighten her naturally curly hair. With a glare towards her eyeliner, she tossed it to the other side of her dresser and ran her hands through her hair, deciding mousse was the best answer for that problem. She gave up on her makeup, just sliding on some chap stick, as she pulled on her boots and grabbed her purse.

She could already hear Eli honking her car horn downstairs and she walked out of her room quickly. She spared a glance towards what used to be Gabriel's room and she kissed her fingertips before waving at his door. She didn't know why she always did that gesture but it had become a habit since he...well, just since. She walked towards the car, frowning when she saw Jack in the passenger's seat and Gaskarth in the back, before climbing in behind Lauren.

“Do you want me to sit in the back, Eli? I can,” Jack offered, reaching for his seat belt.

Eli shrugged. “Boyfriend automatically gets shotgun.”

“What about the whole hoes over bros thing? I mean, didn't you ladies watch One Tree Hill?” Jack asked before rolling his eyes.

Lauren giggled.

Jack just shook his head. “Even I found that to be too much, sorry.”

Alex paused. “I thought it was clothes over bros?”

“That's what it was after,” Eli said, “and I hate myself for knowing that.” She saw Gaskarth smile at her reassuringly but she brushed it off, leaning her head against the window as mindless chatter filled the car. She didn't pay attention to any of the conversation. She was too preoccupied with worrying about school. It had been a week since her brother, a week since she'd been to school; sure, she'd seen half the students at the funeral but that wasn't the point. It was her first shot at acting normally since she lost the most important person in her life.

She was terrified.

Sure, Gabriel wouldn't have wanted her to miss school for that long, but she decided it was no longer his decision. She was ready to go back, well, she thought so, but walking in would be the real testament to her strength. So far she was sitting in a car with Gaskarth and not trying to strangle him so maybe she was making some progress. The one thing she didn't want to deal with was the 'oh-poor-you' looks she knew she was going to receive. The thought crossed her mind to punch the first person and see how the others responded but she was never a particularly violent person.

“Eli, we're here.”

Eli was shaken away from her thoughts by Gaskarth shaking her shoulder. She shrugged him off before reaching for her bag and getting out of the car before Lauren had even come to a complete stop. She ignored her best friend's shouts as she walked towards the school, pausing at the bottom of the steps. “I can't do this,” she muttered to herself. She turned quickly on her heel before running back to the car where Lauren and the boys were just getting out.

“Elinski Carter! You wait until the car comes to a complete stop before you get out of the vehicle!” Lauren reprimanded her, her tone fading when she saw the look of distress on her best friend's face. “What's wrong?”

“Take me home.”

“What?” Lauren asked, confused.

“Take me home; I can't do this. I don't want to do this,” Eli said, her voice small and sad.

Lauren sighed, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. “Boo, you know Gabe would want you to live as normally as possible.”

“Well, he's no longer here,” Eli snapped. “And he wanted to die. We don't always get what he want. He was the lucky one. Now I'm here, fucking without him, and I don't want to go to school today!”

Lauren hugged her friend tightly, letting her cry against her shoulder, before pulling away. “Boo, you gotta go today. You gotta get your life back on track.”

Eli sighed. “I don't want to get my life back on track. I just want to go home and sleep and never wake up.”

“Boo, if you won't do this for Gabe, then please do it for me,” Lauren requested.

With another heavy sigh, Eli thought for a minute before nodding slowly. “It's just—“

“No protesting!”

Eli rolled her eyes. “I just...don't want those sad looks, you know? I don't want their sympathy. I can't handle it.”

“Then I'll be here to kick their asses for you,” Lauren said. “And Jack and Alex will do the same thing. Right?” she asked, sending her boyfriend and his best friend a look.

“Right,” Jack agreed, nodding, though he wasn't exactly listening, deciding to give them some privacy. But he was still within earshot. “Right, Alex?” he asked, nudging his friend in the side.

Alex's arms were crossed over his chest, almost defiantly, and he shrugged.

Lauren glared at him and flipped him off where Eli couldn't see. “I'm sure Alex would do the same thing,” she said, rubbing a hand over her best friend's back. “Now let's go in, okay?”

Eli nodded before pulling away from her friend. She used her sleeve to wipe at her eyes, knowing full-well that it was useless—her eyes would still be puffy and red but she still had to try. She grabbed Lauren's hand for support and started walking towards the school when Gaskarth grabbed her arm. She turned and frowned. “Can I help you?”

“Can we talk for a minute?” he asked, his voice low.

Eli shot Lauren a look, whose eyes were wide, and she looked back at Gaskarth.

“Let's go get some candy,” Jack said, reaching for Lauren's other hand before looking at his friend. “See you in class?”

Gaskarth nodded before releasing Eli's hand.

Eli frowned as her friend walked away and she just looked at Gaskarth. She waited for a minute and, when he didn't say anything, she sighed. “What do you want?”

“I wanted to talk about...the funeral,” he said, unsure as to how to bring it up.

“I don't want to talk about it,” Eli told him.

“Eli—“

“No, Alex,” Eli said, her voice quiet. “I don't want to talk about it. It never happened.”

“Trust me, it happened,” Alex said before rubbing a hand over his face. He reached for her arm again when she turned to walk away. “Eli, stop trying to walk away.”

Eli scoffed. “Are you kidding me, Gaskarth? You don't get to feel me up, reject me, humiliate me, then want to talk about it,” she told him, managing to keep her voice low even though she was upset.

“I didn't push you away for fun, Eli. If you couldn't tell, I was enjoying myself,” he told her.

Eli flushed. “Shut up.”

“Look, it wasn't right,” he said.

She scoffed again. “Excuse you?”

Alex sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. “Shit. I didn't mean it like that.”

“Then how did you mean it?” Eli asked, her hands on her hips.

“I meant it like... You might have wanted it then, Eli, but you would've regretted it.”

“Of course I would've—it's you,” she snapped.

Alex's eyebrows shot up and he nodded slowly. “Good to know,” he muttered to himself. “I was actually looking out for you—“

“Well, don't. I don't need it,” Eli told him before turning and walking towards the school. She heard Gaskarth walking behind her, trying to talk to her, but she ignored him. She stepped into the door and paused. She felt the shift almost immediately. Conversations quieted down, eyes turned to her; she sighed. She felt a hand on her lower back and she turned, almost stumbling, when she saw how close Gaskarth was—too close. “What are you doing?” she asked, gritting her teeth.

“You might want to stop being such a bitch to me,” Alex said. “Because while I understand what happened with your brother, I won't be Johnny Sunshine and take it like a champ because you're pissy.”

“Excuse you—“

“No, excuse you, Eli. I'd be very, very careful with how you talk to me. Because I don't need to remind you that we don't get along. And just because your brother offed himself doesn't mean you can get away with anything in my book. Got it?” he snapped.

Eli's eyes narrowed. “You stupid piece of sh—“

”Will Elinski Carter and Alex Gaskarth report to the guidance counselor's office right now, please?”

Eli sighed. “What the fuck now?”