It's Not Faith

Jimmy had thrown a bucket of water on Matt, causing a huge water fight. Leila decided that this was a perfect time to escape to her room and change. Into a long sleeve shirt. Leila had spend a long time in the pool. Longer than she wanted, and expected. Mainly, it was Jimmy and Zacky with her, her dad and Val went out grocery shopping. They played Marco polo, which Jimmy insisted they all be blindfolded, as he didn't trust Zacky. Then they chased Zacky, and overall had a good time. Leila couldn't remember a time when swimming was fun Usually swimming was just a awkward time, her trying to hide scars and cuts and her body, while trying to make it look like she was having fun. This time, she actually was having fun. Jimmy and Zacky had made her feel comfortable, they had helped keep her mind off of the things that her mind always seemed to focus on.

Leila changed from her swimsuit and took a quick shower. She changed into a pair of comfortable shorts and a loose sweatshirt; her signature look. She put a belt over the sweater, tightening the shirt in the right spots. Leila quickly blow dried her hair, touched up her foundation, and headed downstairs. Thankfully, the water fight was over; her father was in a new pair of shorts and had a towel around her neck. Jimmy was dripping wet in the kitchen, cracking open a beer, and Zacky was drying his hair, in the bathroom by the backdoor.

"Ran away before they could get ya,huh?" Val said, coming out of the living room.
Leila giggled and nodded.
"I did the same thing. Me and the couch and a book had a little date."
Leila laughed, and Jimmy turned to her.
"You shit taco! You left! Zacky and I were on our own, and then he joined Matt!" Jimmy exclaimed as he ran towards her, dripping wet.
Leila giggled."No!" but it was too late, Jimmy had wrapped his long arms around her and pulled them together, soaking Leila.
"You jackass!" Leila screamed, and swatted Jimmy away.
"Aw, you know you love me!"
Leila laughed. "Yeah, I guess so."
Jimmy smiled, and turned back to the kitchen. Leila followed him, and sat at the kitchen table.

"Had a good time?" Val asked, sitting beside Jimmy, who was still soaking wet.
Leila nodded, and laid her head on the table.
"I'm tired though."
Jimmy shook his head. "How the fuck are you tired? I swear you didn't come down until two anyways!"

Leila just smiled. If only you knew. Leila may have slept until two, but she didn't actually fall asleep until 9, when she heard Val get up and let Bella, their dog, who Leila wasn't too sure of yet, out. Leila's paranoia had increased since she had arrived here. Maybe it was the fact that she had run out of the prescription her secret-clinic-doctor had given her. Back in New York, it was very easy to go into a clinic and put down a name, say your symptoms, or make some up, and come out with three months worth of prescriptions. Leila had for the past year, taken a cocktail of pills. Some for real problems, like her paranoia and depression, and some, just for shits and giggles. She had calmed down with her pill-popping, that had only lasted a year. She did, however, miss the comforting buzz of warmth and numbness the pills gave her.
A small smack on the head pulled Leila from her once non-existent drug cravings.
Jimmy was staring at her, a balled up napkin had landed on the table in front of her.
"I don't like how you space out." He stated, bluntly.
Leila tried to find a way to answer his statement. She shrugged.
"It's scary."
Leila giggled. "It's not my fault."
"Mmm, I'm not so sure about that." Jimmy voice dropped. Leila realized that Val had left at some point in her space out.
"I think somethings going on in your head; and you're not letting anyone know what's going on. And that's making me worried. I don't want you hurting anymore; none of us do. You're dad's so scared that you're hurting; we all are. Leila, we just want you to know that you can talk to all of us." Jimmy paused to grin "But you should talk to me because I'm your favoritest uncle."

Leila laughed, and for once, decided to open up. Even if it was just a little bit.
"thank you Jimmy. I know I'm really distant and I kinda space out and I go through ups and downs. It just really hard. My entire life has been like this. One day I'm up, one day I'm down. I can't get a fucking grip on anything and I'm lost. And then moving here fucked me over. I was fine at home. I didn't want to come here. I didn't know that man. All I ever knew was my drunk mother."

Leila could feel the tears spring to her eyes, and Jimmy's arms wrapped around her.
"Shh, Hun, you're gonna be alright. You can't be lost in the A7X family- we wont let you be!" Leila smiled through her tears. The backdoor opened, and Leila quickly pulled away from Jimmy and wiped her eyes. She didn't need anyone asking questions.
Matt came to the kitchen.
"You okay?" He asked Leila, as Jimmy re-appeared, in Jeans and a shirt.
Leila nodded, and gave a smile for extra measure.
"We were just planning on getting you and Zacky back!" Jimmy exclaimed.
Matt nodded. "Zack and I were thinking of a barbecue tonight? Sounds good?" Jimmy nodded enthusiastically, and Leila smiled, and nodded.
"Now shoo, we gotta plan!" Jimmy said, pushing Matt out of the kitchen. Laughter followed Matt out of the room.
"Let's go upstairs, I'm not finished with you!" Jimmy exclaimed, standing up and pulling Leila along.
Leila laughed, but still felt nervous.

Jimmy immediately turned on Leila's TV, and plugged in her xbox, both recent gifts from him. He tossed Leila a controller and they started playing.
"Le, have you ever been to a doctor?"
Leila thought back to her many prescription-doctors.
"A few times..."
"I mean like, for this...these feelings?"
Leila started to shake her head, but then realized lying to Jimmy would feel so wrong. After all, he was such an open man.
"I went to a clinic and got a prescription." She blurted out.
Jimmy paused the game and turned to her.
"For what? Did your mother know? What did he diagnose you?"
"It was one of those like drug addict clinics. He gave me Ativan for paranoia."
"Are you still on it?" Jimmy's eyes were now full of concern.
"My prescription ran out about two weeks before I came here, so I never went back."
"Did you social worker, or anyone know?"
Leila shook her head, and looked down. She was ashamed, and embarrassed. Tears fell onto her floor; she didn't even know she was crying.
"Hey, hey don't cry. There's nothing wrong with that, you were trying to help yourself."
Leila shook her head. "Please don't tell Matt."
Jimmy shook his head. "I would never do that. I would only really ever tell your father something when you gave me permission, or if I felt there was nothing I could do to help."
"Did the doctor say anything else?"
"No, I only told him I was paranoid. I didn't tell him about the ups and downs." or about the cutting.

Jimmy sighed, and wrapped Leila in a tight hug.
"Can I take you to my doctor? She's amazing." Jimmy asked.
Leila was nervous; she didn't want a doctor, or shrink or whatever to lay her out, and pick away at her, piece by piece; memory by memory.
"No."
"Le, why not? You said you went to the doctor-"
"Because."
"Because why? Is there something else you're not telling me?"
Leila debated this. There was technically, something else she wasn't telling Jimmy.
There are a lot of things you're not telling him.
"Leila, is there something you are not telling me?" Jimmy repeated, this time more seriously.
Leila sighed.
"I just don't like doctors. The doctor I went to at the clinic just asked me the symptoms of what I was experiencing, and he gave me drugs. He didn't look at my-" Leila stopped and realized what she said.
"He didn't look at what?!" Leila could see the anger in Jimmy's eyes.
" He didn't look at you're arms? You're stomach? What? Did someone hurt you? Did your mother-"
"It was me."
"What?"
"I hurt myself."