It's Not Faith

"W-what?..Oh Jesus. C'mere Baby." Jimmy stated, with wide eyes. Leila shuffled over, and he wrapped his long arms around Leila. Leila started to shake with tears.
"Oh hunny, It's gonna be okay."
"P-Please don't be mad at me! Oh God, you're not gonna tell Matt are you? Please, Jimmy please don't!"
Jimmy pulled away and wiped some of the tears off of Leila's face.
"Eventually, he's gonna have to know. But for now, and until you and I come up with an agreement, I wont say anything to Matt. The only time, in this situation, that I'd tell your dad, would be if I knew you were going to like, kill yourself or something."
Leila sighed, and fresh tears ran down her face.
"Le, baby, why do you hurt yourself?" Jimmy said, taking Leila's wrists and holding them gently. Leila mumbled something Jimmy couldn't understand.
"What, baby, my shirt doesn't care what you said."
Leila laughed through her tears.
"I..I There's so much pain inside. What else am I supposed to do? And I deserve it..." Leila said, burying her head back into Jimmy's shirt.
"Leila, you don't fucking deserve any pain. Physical, or emotional. You deserve to be happy...Why is there so much pain inside Hun? Let me in, let me see that pain."
Leila only replied with a soft sob.

Jimmy sighed, unsure what to do. Sure, he had dealt with drug addicts, suicidal friends, alcoholics; but someone who intentionally hurts themselves? He had only really heard of it when his sister had told him about one of her friends doing it. He didn't know much about it, but judging from Leila and what she said, it was because Leila was hurting too much on the inside to deal with it in the right way.
A call from downstairs broke Jimmy and Leila part.
"Jimmy, Leila, every ones here, and dinners ready."

Leila wiped the tears from her eyes. She went to her mirror and fixed the smudged makeup around her eyes.
"Pppfffff, girls are weird." Jimmy said, watching Leila apply mascara, trying to lighten the mood.
Leila gave him a lazy smile back, and turned from the mirror, ready to face the people downstairs.
"Thank you Jimmy." She whispered, wrapping her arms around the tall mans waist.
"Baby, it was no problem. But we're not done talking. Tonight, I really wanna talk to you about it.Oh, I forgot, Leana's coming home tonight...Fuck...Oh well, I'll make room for my favorite girl under twenty."
Leila laughed. "Who's Leana? And where was she?"
"Whoops, forgot about mentioning that. Leana's my fiancee" Jimmy said, shoving his hand in her face.
"There's no ring.." Leila said, trying to keep her laughter in.
Jimmy smiled back at her. "I know..but still, she's ma lady. She went home for a few weeks. I'll bring her over tomorrow, I think you guys will get along, she's weird just like you."
"That's very ruude to insult two ladies at once, especially one who's not here."
Jimmy laughed, and started running down the hall to the stairs.
"But you two aren't ladies!" He said, as he began to run down the stairs.
"Fuck you Jimmy!" Leila cried, as she chased after him.

Leila was squished between Brian and Jimmy. Jimmy kept poking her with his elbow "By accident" he kept reminding her, and in return, she would step in his feet. Everyone was over, Zacky and Gena, Johnny and Lacey, Brian and Michelle, Val, the Barry's, and a few other friends of the 'family' that she couldn't remember names for. She was picking at a veggie burger and a salad, not being able to eat. She felt exposed now that Jimmy knew her secret. She felt as if she was being watch, even by others that didn't know. She felt uncomfortable, and really just wanted to go to bed and cut herself.

Leila carried hers, and jimmy, and Zacky's plate into the kitchen.
"Bastards made you bring their plates in eh?" Matt said, as he loaded things into the dishwasher. Leila nodded.
"Hey, uhm" Matt started, as he rubbed his neck.
"My mum- You..grandma.. has been really looking forward to meeting you...I don't know how like you wanna do it, but it's not like I can keep you hidden away from the Sanders-we're sneaky."
Leila laughed. "That's okay, I never met mom's mom. I'd love to meet my..grandma. It would be..nice."
A smiled crept across Matt's face. "That's great, I was a little scared how you were going to react, I didn't want to upset you or anything."
Leila shook her head, "It's okay. Thanks for thinking of me. I'd love to meet the family."
Leila turned to head back outside, when a thought struck her.
"Hey, uhm..Dad?"
Matt turned form the dishwasher.
"I..I think I want to change my name to Sanders." Leila said, looking at her feet.
"I mean, my last name right now doesn't really hold such great memories for me. This is a new chapter in my life..."
Matt smiled, and came over and wrapped his arms around his small daughter.
"I would love that, Leila. That would, that would mean so much to me."
Leila could her her father's voice strained; he was trying to keep in tears.
"Well, I mean, I just thought It'd be nice."
Matt smiled. "It would be great. We have all the time in the world to figure that out. I want you to be apart of my life. I want to be apart of your life now Leila. I fought so hard, and they kept pulling you away. I'm never gonna let that happen again."
Leila felt the tears threaten to fall.
"Thank you daddy."
Matt released his daughter, and Leila went back outside.

"sllluuuttt!!!!" Jimmy cried, and punch Leila in the arm.
"What the fuuck Jimmy?"
Val laughed from the table. "Welcome to barbecues with Jimmy."
Leila laughed, and sat down across from Val. She finally was starting to feel welcome in this huge 'family'

Leila flopped down on her bed. Jimmy had decided to follow her upstairs, and flopped down too. Leila laughed, and he grinned. They had wandered upstairs to 'play video games' but both knew what they really went upstairs for.
"You're so normal down there. If I couldn't read you like a book, I wouldn't have known anything was wrong with you." Jimmy said.
"That's because after four long hard years, you master hiding your emotions."
"Fuck, Le. That long?"
Leila nodded not saying anything in fear she would start crying.
"Why..how did you start?"
Leila took a sharp breath. She didn't want to remember that night.
"I..my mom had broken a wine bottle, and so I was cleaning it up, and cut my hand. And then, I just remember how I could focus on the physical pain. And everything didn't seem to matter anymore."
Jimmy shook his head.
"I wish I could take all that pain away from you."
Leila smiled a small smile.
"But you can't Jimmy."
"I know, love, I know. But I want you to please, call me whenever. Obviously, you're not gonna just be able to stop. But, I want you to take care of yourself. When you cut, clean them, and I want you to let me know that you cut yourself."
"I don't want you to get upset at me."
"I would never. I just would like to know"
Leila nodded. Jimmy wrapped his arms around her.
I'm gonna get going, I've got another lady to see! But, I'll come by tomorrow, maybe I'll take you out for breakfast...or I guess lunch since you don't rise till after noon!"
Leila giggled, and nodded.
Jimmy left, and closed the door. Leila fell back on her bed, and without even changing her clothes, fell into a painful slumber.