It's Not Faith

All the talk of rape in Leila's drug infused brain re opened old wounds that she was trying to hard to forget. She had woken shortly after she had fallen asleep; coke did that too her. She could feel her high crashing; the only thing to bring it back would be cutting. The memories flooded through her coke filled mind and she scratched her face to try and pull the thoughts out.
The screams and cries of her mother in the next room, and her, sitting in her own room, terrified and unable to move. The man had come over for 'dinner'. Her mother had pushed her to her room simply with a"Don't come out."
Leila had been smart enough to figure out that this man did not know there was a twelve year old girl in the house. After a few hours, Leila heard the screams. She was confused; she was, after all, told to stay in her room. She stayed there, scared and worried. She heard boots stomping down the stairs, and nothing for the rest of the night. Leila went to bed without food that night; the first of many nights. After that night, things changed. Her mother changed. She drank more, did drugs, blamed Leila. It was then, when Leila really realized she really was worth nothing.

Leila clawed at her forehead and cheeks, trying to bring the high back, and trying to forget the memories. She stumbled out of bed; breathing quickly and heavily, and pulled her dresser drawer open; pulled her jewelry box out, and found her vice. She lay the blade against her skin and pulled. Blood flowed free and she found herself breathing shallowly and calmly. Leila tiredly walked back to her bed and continued to let her blood flow free. She knew that Jimmy was literally a push of a button away. Her hard twitched towards the phone and she finally picked it up after hovering over it for a a few minutes. She ran her finger over the buttons; number four was the one she wanted, but she couldn't bring herself to press it. She sat there; tears running down her face, blood running down her arms, looking at the white 'four' on her phone.

Her mothers screams were too loud to stop. Leila could only just feel the pain in her arms; the memories were still too loud. She moved onto her legs; a cut there, a scratch there; nothing too noticeable and too suspicious. She pulled at her hair; for some reason, this feeling just wouldn't leave for the night. Leila could feel the blood slowly dripping down her arm; there would be some explaining needed if it stained her sheets; but at this very second, she didn't care. All she cared about was the pain and her wounds. She wanted more, she wanted to cut her heart out; she wanted to cut the thoughts out. Without realizing it, Leila raised the razor to her face, and slit of cheek.

"fuck!" She exclaimed, when it suddenly hit her what she was doing. She sighed, and wiped the flood from her face. She knew that this, of all things, would be one of the harder things to explain. A straight line across her cheek? Her tears stung her cheek, and she placed the razor back in it's hiding spot. She curled up in her bed, and tried to pull herself out of the past.
You're okay now. You're with you daddy, who loves you so much.
Yeah, until he find out how crazy you are. Then he'll just lock you up.
Leila was too tired to try and stop the voices from fighting. She just let them keep at it; while she was caught in the middle.

The room spun as Leila woke up the next day. Sun streamed though her large window; she could see the ocean calm waters and the high sun. Leila looked over at her phone, which was flashing red, and read the time. 12:46.
Thank God, they let me sleep Leila thought, as she looked at the text message waiting to be open.
Please tell me you are alive.-Jimmy
Leila smiled, and texted him a short reply before heading to her bathroom to shower. The hot water ran over her red and angry cuts, making them sting. Leila shuddered, as she whenever she showered. She hated looking at the damage she created; it made her feel guilty. Leila got out of the shower and threw on some clothes. She quickly dried her hair and went downstairs.
Her dad was sitting at the kitchen table, reading the newspaper. Brian was sitting across from him, reading another one. Leila immediately started laughing, causing both men to look up.
"What's so funny?" Brian asked, a smirk on his lips.
"you guys just look so...normal. You are both in a huge rock band and you have tattoos everywhere, and here you are, sitting and reading the newspaper"
Brian laughed. "Your kids fucking funny, Matt."
Leila laughed and filled a cup with steaming coffee.
"So I hear your dad gave in and let you go to the party last night. How was it?" Brian said as she sat down.
"Yeah. It was fun. We just hung-"
"Was there a lot of people there? Where there parents? Did you see anyone doing hardcore drugs?" Matt asked interrupting her. Leila sighed.
"Fuck you're such a hard ass!" She said, laughing.
Brian laughed and nodded. "Seriously dude. It's not like you could even try to cover up your teenage years, you know she's not dumb!"
"Thank you Brian! Fuck!" Leila said dramatically while smirking at her father.
"You're a shithead, Leila." He said, while throwing the newspaper across the table.
He frowned. "What happened to your face?"
Leila's hand reached out and touched the small cut on her cheek.
"I think I scratched myself with my nail during the night." Matt nodded.
"What are you doing today?" Leila asked the two men, as she laid her head on the table. Exhaustion was creeping in.
"We need to go to the studio for half the day, then we were thinking of just hanging here. Want to come?" Her dad asked.
Leila nodded.
"Wait!" She said, a smirk playing on her lips.
"Daddy.."
"Oh Jesus, I've never heard you call me that really. You want something, don't you?"
Leila nodded, excitement filling her.
"Will you take me to get another tattoo?"
Brian burst out laughing. "Another?
Leila grinned. "Yep!" She replied, while pulling down the back of her shirt to reveal her tattoo on the back of her neck.
"Woah, Matt, your daughter kicks ass!"
Matt nodded, and laughed.
"Well, it's not like I can really say no..What did you have in mind?"
"I want a nautical star...It comes from sailors, it's there to represent finding the way home, and I think I can truly say I've found my home."
Matt smiled at his daughter.
"That's beautiful, love. I think we could do something; right Brian?"
Brian nodded, and smiled. "I think that's really cute."
"Well we're gonna go in about ten minutes, are you gonna come?" Matt asked his daughter.
She nodded. "Hold on I just gotta change!" She cried, and slipped out of the kitchen.

Leila quickly changed into a nicer shirt, and added a belt to it. She patted foundation on her face, paying attention to cover up the cut on her face. She threw on some mascara, and grabbed her phone and her flats.
"Okay, I'm ready!!!" She cried, as she rushed down the stairs.
"five years later!" Brian said, smiling at her. She stuck her tongue out at him, and followed the men out the door.