It's Not Faith

Leila huffed. The few final weeks of summer had flown by, and she was now standing in front of Huntington High school, her fathers hand was on her shoulder and Jimmy was screaming at her from the car.
"You'll be fine buttercup!" Jimmy screeched through the open window. Her nervously laughed, and waved at him as her father gave her a small squeeze of a hug.
"Now, you go to the office, they have your schedule and shit. And if you really don't think you can make it through the day, go to the office and call us. Or text us and we'll sign you out. "
Leila sighed, and nodded, and with one final wave she turned and headed into the huge building.
Kyle, thankfully, went to this school, and he had already said she could eat lunch with him, so that was one thing she didn't have to worry about. She followed the crowd of students into the school, and tried to remember the route to the office her father had given her. Luckily, it was easier than she thought, and she found herself standing in front of a huge door marked office. She sighed, and headed in.
"What can I do for ya?" A gum-smacking secretary said, after Leila stood there for a while, unsure of what to say.
"Uhm, I'm Leila Sanders, I'm new"
"Oh yes, your dad came and registered you a few days ago. Lemme grab your schedule. "
The woman disappeared and left Leila standing in the office, still unsure of what to do.
"There ya go. Its pretty basic" the woman said, handing Leila her schedule. "One hundreds are on this floor, two hundreds are on the second floor, and so on. If a room number starts with either A B or C then you're in either A B or C block, which are the extension blocks. You get out by stairway C and the path will lead you there. K?"
Leila only could nod. She left the office, still with a unsure expression on her face. She sighed, and headed to room 208 for English
Leila sighed for the hundredth time that day. She had only twenty minutes left of school, and she was dying. School hadn't actually been that bad, a girl named Cindy and her chatted during English, Kyle was in her biology class, then it was lunch, which she spent with Kyle and his friends Jamie, Sam and Oliver, all who wee very chill and nice to her. Then she had math, and finally history.
The bell rang through the air, startling Leila. She packed up her books, and headed to her locker, where she dumped her books and then headed outside. She had been texting Jimmy all day, and he had let her know that he was picking her up. He was sitting in his black SUV when she exited she school into the California heat. She slipped into his cool car, and closed her eyes.
"School suck fucking dick. " She whispered.
Jimmy laughed. "Kid, I hear ya." He lit up a cigarette and started to drive.
Leila sighed as a wave of nausea swept through her. Her pills had Leila felt a wave of nausea hit her as Jimmy sped along the road. Her pills regiment had been fine, aside from the side affects, which included nausea and fatigue. She hated how she was already exhausted, and her pills just made it worst.
"So tell me allll" jimmy sang
Leila shrugged her shoulders. "Meh. I met a girl in English, and kyle, ya know the guy from next-door, he was in my bio so I ate lunch with him. "
Jimmy squealed "oooh I'm so glad your making fweiends!" He cried as he drove up to Leila’s house
"Mhmm. Their all chill" Leila whispered drowsily.
"That shit makes you really tired eh?" Jimmy asked, turning off the car.
Leila opened her eyes as jimmy leaned across and unlocked her seatbelt. "Yeah. They said it might get better over time." Leila slowly opened her door and, with the help of Jimmy, who had already hopped out, walked to the house.
"Your dads should be home any minute. he was just at a meeting with the label."
Leila nodded and collapsed on the couch. She closed her eyes and felt her uncle sit down beside her.
"You really are exhausted"
"Ugh" Leila laughed. "I look like shit!"
Her uncle laughter filled the living room. "No you don't. Seriously."
Leila shrugged and sat up. "I gotta take my pills, eat a snack with them, and then take a nap. I hate how these make me feel.” She whispered, leaning back on the cool leather.
“Like, right now. I feel as if I should cry, but I can’t. I feel nothing now. What am I suppose to do? I I can’t feel anything!” Leila started to get hysterical. “And, and I’m always tired. I never want to do anything anymore. It’s like, they’re helping but only in some ways!”
Her uncle wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. “You’ll be fine. I swear. Medication takes time to adjust to, and when it comes to like, depression meds, things take time. It’s a trial and error type of thing.”
Leila sighed. “I know. But I was so excited to get better…and now…I just don’t care anymore.” She whispered.
“Leila, don’t say that. You know you want to get better. It’s just taking a while, and you, just like your father, has no patients!”
Leila laughed. “I gotta go take ma pill’s now, yo. Come.” She got up and dragged Jimmy off the couch. She made her way to the kitchen and got her little orange bottle of pills out, along with a glass of milk and a piece of bread.
She swallowed the pills and started ripping the bread into pieces, popping them in her mouth.
“I’m suppose to take these pills with food. But they make me not hungry. How stupid is that!” She exclaimed, tossing the piece of bread on the counter.
Jimmy’s laughter boomed through the empty house, and Leila smiled. “You’re so…bright.” She said, as she put her glass in the dishwasher and tossed her pills back in a drawer.
“Well, whatever they say, ya know, laughter is the best medicine or some shit?” He said, laughing again.
Leila joined in his laughed and gave him a hug. “I’m really sorry to abandon you Jim-Jim, but I’m so fucking tired. And I’m sure Matt wont let me sleep when he’s home.”
Jimmy laughed. “It’s okay, I understand love. You go rest.”
Leila smiled and headed upstairs. She collapsed on her bed and closed her eyes. She knew the second her father got home he would be upstairs, walking her up, asking her questions. Ever since the therapy had started, he hadn’t been letting her sleep, he would open her doors at night when he went to bed, he would even knock on the washroom door if she had been in the shower for a while. Once in a while, she would even find him sitting on her bed as she came out of the shower, and would watch her ask she gathered her clothes, staring at her arms. She knew that she had to be understanding; he was, after all, trying to be pro-active and aware. But sometimes it would bug the shit out of her.

“Leila. Wake up. Now.”
Her father’s voice woke Leila up with a start.
“What the fuck?” She groaned sitting up in the dark room. Her father flicked on the light and stood in the doorway. “I told you I didn’t want you sleeping during the day. Especially with the door closed. You failed to mention that to Jimmy, didn’t you?”
“Daddy, I was so tired.” She mumbled, still feeling the affects of waking up suddenly.
“I don’t care, Leila. I told you no sleeping.” Her father said sharply. “Up. Now. We’re eating dinner, and then we’re going to talk.”
“Ugh, Matt. What the fuck. You’re getting so dramatic over shit! Did you even ask about oh, how my first day went, or if I’m doing okay? No. It’s just blah blah blah I don’t care anymore Matt! You Can’t even fucking ask me? You just…command. Command and dictate and that’s not what I need!” She screech, pulling at her hair in frustration.
“Leila!” Her father roared. She hardly heard him over her sobs. She was shaking and a weird hum was coming from her throat.
Arms wrapped around her and gently pulled her hands away from her hair. She fell into the arms, and through her tears saw the familiar microphone tattoo. Her father pulled her onto her lap and gently stroked her hair.
“I’m so sorry my love. I am so, so sorry.” Her father whispered. Cold, wet splatters fell across her cheeks, and some fell on her hand. She glanced up, and through her tears could she the wet lines dancing on her father’s face. He was crying.

“Daddy.” She sobbed. “I just…I wanted to be better! I really did! I just…I just want to be happy! I don’t want you to have to deal with me. I can’t even deal with me. And now you have to pay for my medication, and my shrink and ohGod I am so sorry.” Leila shook.
Her father gently pulled her away from his shirt and stared at her in the eye. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I love you so much, you have no fucking idea. I love, love, love you. I’m being a complete fucking dick.”
Leila sobs had slowly stopped. Her father gently placed his hands on her sleeve-clad wrists.
“Every time I think of you hurting yourself, I just get so upset. And I think that ya know, making little differences, like, opening your door and shit will make you stop. But it wont. Talking and loving and helping will. I want to talk to you, I want to help you, and I do love you. Always.”
Leila clung to her father. “Thank you.” She whispered, wiping her tears.
“C’mon, I brought pizza home, and Val will be home soon. Let’s go eat and then we’ll watch a movie. And I wanna hear all about your day. I really, really want to. I just…got so caught up in trying to help you, ya know? I did…I did the things I thought would help you…But I’m reality, I just need to listen. I need to listen to what you know will help, and to you in general. I know that in the beginning, I was alright, but then, like, the second or third day, I just thought maybe these things would help, I wasn’t really thinking straight. Truthfully, I was so scared that I was gonna lose you. I was so scared.” Her father whispered.
Leila wrapped her arms around her father, and squeeze the tears in her eyes away.
“I really want some pizza.” She whispered trying to make light of the situation. She didn’t want to get more motional, or really even talk about the subject anymore. She wasn’t even that hungry, but she knew it would make her father happy.
Her father laughed and gently pulled her up off the bed as he got up.
“I got vegetarian, just for you!” He flashed her a dimple-ly smile, and they both headed downstairs.