Love Drug

Once again I find myself in a situation where William and I are screaming our lungs out at one another. I scowl and shove him to the side, about to make my way to Jadeyn’s, but a hand wraps itself around my wrist. I tug at it, but William has a tight grip.

“Benjamin, you aren’t going anywhere!”

“I’m not staying here,” I snarl. I swear if this asshole doesn’t let go of me in ten seconds I am going to show him how good I am at boxing.

“Yes you are. You are staying here and helping me on the farm.”

I scoff. “You are mentally ill if you even think that I’m going to help someone like you.”

“I understand you’re mad at me for what happened-”

“Mad is a fuckin’ understatement.”

“But it happened and you have to get over it. We’re all better off this way,” William scolds, finally letting go of me. I rip my arm away and throw it over my chest. Glaring at the man before me I think of all the ways I could get away with killing him.

“If we were better off this way I’m sure the relationship you and I have wouldn’t be like this,” I spit. “Why couldn’t you just stay with me and mom? What, is your real family not important enough? Was I not a good enough son or was mom not giving you enough unlike that bitch of yours?”

William’s face was beat red by the time I finished. I smirk, because once again I’ve hit a sore spot. Pissing people off is my specialty, if only it were a job I’d be filthy rich. William takes a menacing step forward, but I stand my ground because no matter how hard he tries, he’ll never scare me.

“Didn’t I already tell you not to speak of Launda in that way?” He howls, grabbing hold of my shirt. He pulls me forward so we’re chest to chest, nose to nose.

I wrinkle said nose in disgust and choke out, “Bad breath, much? It’s called a tooth brush you hick.”

I really didn’t expect it. William doesn’t seem like the type, but either way his fist came in contact with my cheek. My head whips to the side and although it didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would I still didn’t turn back to look at him because I was in shock. And so was he…

“Ben…Benny, I really didn’t…I-that is-”

“Save it.” I scowl, my shock turning into frustration the moment I hear that name. Benny. It’s what William use to call me when he was a good father. It’s what he use to scream when he cheered for me during basketball and t-ball. That name pisses me off.

I shove his hand away and take a step back. William advances towards me but I shake my head angrily and kick the farm door open. I hear William calling for me from behind, but I ignore it and continue my journey through the woods.

I have no idea where I’m going. I’ll probably end up lost but I have my cell phone with me. Besides, right now I just want to be alone. I don’t want to be around Jadeynfor once. He’ll ask too many questions and right now, I just want silence. I just want to be alone.

I find myself a rock to sit on near a small creek. The water is clear and I’m capable to see the rocks at the bottom. I stick my hand in the water, it’s cold against my finger tips and sends a shiver down my spine. Sighing, I pull my hand away and stare up through the trees.

Things were so much better when it was just William, Erica, and I. Erica was the classic stay at home mom. Everyday I came home from school to be greeted by her warm smile and welcoming arms. We’d bake cookies, cake, and brownies together for William.

And when he got home he’d be thrilled. He’d pick me up and hold me and tell me how much he loved me and how proud he was of me for doing so well at my t-ball game. We’d eat our junk food together and talk, just talk, about anything and everything.

On the weekends William would come to my t-ball games. Afterwards, if I won or lose, we’d go for ice cream and it’d just be us two until we got home where it’d be the three of us.

I never thought anything was wrong with the marriage. I’d see them dancing in the living room sometimes, smiling and holding each other. Back then I thought it was disgusting, but if I were to see it now I know I’d smile, because it would mean everything is ok.

I’d see them kiss and hold hands. They’d hug and cuddle on the couch during scary movies. They’d take each other out on dates to the movies, a nice restaurant, anywhere really, just like a bunch of teenagers. And then one day…I heard them shouting.

I went downstairs to see William with a suitcase full of his things. He didn’t even say good-bye to me, simply grabbed the luggage, took one look at me and left. He didn’t tell me why. He didn’t kiss me good-bye or tell me how much he loved me although things weren’t working out with Erica and him.

He just left without a word. Maybe I wouldn’t be so angry with him if he had said something to me, a good-bye, just...something! The least he could of done was say good-bye and maybe sent a card or two asking how I was or wishing me Merry Christmas, but he didn’t.

It was like he didn’t want anything to do with me. And now he suddenly wants to help me? He suddenly doesn’t want me to go to juvy, he wants to teach me to be responsible. It doesn’t make sense to me. He doesn’t make sense to me.

Fuck him.

I hate him.