Love Drug

Jadeyn P.O.V

“I’m sorry, Jadeyn, but Benji isn’t here right now.”

“O-Oh…where is he?” I feel so pushy asking this, but it’s Saturday. It’s noon on Saturday and Benji said he’d take me out…as in, out on a date. Benji and I haven’t really been on a real date before and I…I’ve been really excited for it.

Is he mad at me? Maybe he didn’t want to go and I was just forcing him to take me because I made it seem like I wanted to…I knew it. He really doesn’t want anything to do with me. At least, not anymore, considering that he’s been acting so weird lately.

He won’t even touch me anymore. Did I do something wrong? Is he disgusted by me? After what happened…after he gave me a…maybe he slowly realized that he doesn’t actually want me because of my inexperience. It makes sense.

“He left with some boy…uh what was his name? Owen, I think,” Launda replies with a sweet smile. I smile gratefully at her and nod, quickly turning and head back home with my head held low.

I guess this is his way of breaking it off with me, huh? I wish he would have said it to my face though…

~

I jump at the sound of my phone ringing. Reaching into my pocket, I struggle to get the phone out. I put on my best formfitting jeans today. I thought Benji would like them, but I guess I was wrong.

Finally, I retrieve my phone and open it, answering it. “Hello?”

“Jadeyn, hey!” Sasha shouts loudly and I can hear the booming music behind her. Is she at a party? Knowing her, the answer is yes. “I thought you and Benji were going out today.”

I roll over in my bed so I’m on my stomach. Looking towards the clock I see that it’s already 7 in the evening. Time sure does fly when you’re sitting here mourning over the boy who wants nothing to do with you. “Yeah…why?”

“He’s here at the party…I kind of figured you’d be-”

“Party!” He ditched me for a party! He ran to a party instead of breaking up with me properly? That…“What party? Where is it, Sasha?”

“Whoa, whoa, what’s going on?” Sasha asks, but I demand for her to come pick me up. She sighs but does as she’s told and not long afterwards she’s at my house. I tell my grandparents that I’m going to a party with Sasha. I’d never lie to them.

“Why are you suddenly so eager to go to a party?” Sasha asks, suspiciously. “Did something happen between you and Benji?”

“We had a plan to go out today but he didn’t show…if he’s going to dump me the least he could do is tell me to my face instead of party.” It wouldn’t have hurt me if he said it to my face…ok, so it would have. I would have cried my eyes out, but it’s just more respectful that way.

Sasha pulls up to the house, which has kids roaming everywhere. The two of us head inside, Sasha going one way and informing me that if I need help just to call her cell. I nod and give her a hug, telling her thanks, and heading around the house looking for Benji.

How could he! He…he sounded so happy on the phone to be taking me somewhere. I thought that we’d be able to walk together, hold hands, and just hang out. I thought that we could talk and get to know each other even better than before. I was hoping that we could kiss and snuggle afterwards and…

But it’s no good, huh? I’m not what he wants. I don’t have any experience. I’m useless, I can’t do anything right. Mother was right. Mother was always right. I can’t seem to be able to do a thing right, not even a relationship.

My feet come to a halt before the stair case. I, who never come to these parties, know what happens upstairs. It’s where the hardcore drug addicts and alcoholics are. It’s where people make mistakes, where they sleep together and if Benji is up there…then what am I going to do?

I’ll cross that bridge when I get there. For now, I’m just going to find Benji.

I go upstairs and look through rooms. One after the other and I just can’t seem to find him. Sighing, I’m about to give up until I see the last room on the right. I bite my lip and pray for him not to be there. I just want to open that door and see nothing.

I want to go back downstairs and find him just sitting around, doing nothing in particular. I want him to smile at me and laugh and tease me. But the world must hate me because I open the door and there he is. And the moment I see him, my world comes crashing down.

I should have known. He’s been acting so weird lately. He never kissed me and if he did it was for such a short amount of time. We didn’t spend time together and he would look at me differently as if he were ashamed or something.

Ashamed of me and that must be why…why he…

“B-Benji?” I choke. I try to keep the tears at bay, but I’ve been told that I am terrible at keeping tears away. They just fall, creating a river that flows down my cheeks.

What lies before me are two boys, one of which is Benji, the other being Owen. Both are under the covers, sweating and covered in marks and I know exactly what from. I really must have been no good…he cheated on me. He really…cheated…

“Jadeyn,” he calls and just hearing the way my name rolls off his tongue makes my heart pound. It always has, ever since I first met him. Although he was somewhat cruel I still found myself attracted to him. But now…now it’s all ruined.

“And this is where I take my leave,” Owen speaks, getting up to throw on his clothes. The moment he passes me I can feel it, his smirk. He’s happy that he’s made me feel this way…

“If…if you really d-didn’t want me…the l-least you could have done w-was break up with me f-first instead of cheat,” I cry, running my arm over my eyes in hopes to keep him from seeing how broken he’s made me. It feels as if someone had clutched onto my heart and shredded it to pieces. He really…hates me.

“It’s not like that Jade-”

“Then what! What is it?” I’m getting worked up. I’m shouting and I never shout, but I don’t know what else to do. He’s hurt me. “Was I not good enough? Is that it? Did I not have enough experience? Was I too annoying, too much of a loser for you? What was it…couldn’t you have at least saved me the pain and broke up with me first if you really-”

“Jadeyn!” Rough hands grasp my shoulders, shaking me only slightly to grab my attention. I choke on my sobs and look up into his dark eyes that always made my breath hitch. Even now, after I feel like I’ve been crushed like a bug beneath his shoe, he still makes me feel so good.

“That’s not it,” he says and I’m slightly shocked not to hear him screaming at me. “Listen, it’s not…like that at all. I don’t hate you. I don’t want to break up with you.”

“But you c-cheated.” I sniffle, running my arm over my nose.

“How can I explain this?” Benji asks himself, rubbing the bridge of his nose it what seems like annoyance. “Ok…I’ll be honest with you Jadeyn. I don’t hate you, fuck, I really, really like you, a lot. Maybe even love you, shit I don’t know, but I’m a fucking drug addict ok? I’ve been doing cocaine for years. I need it and to get it I sleep with Owen. That’s it. It’d be better for the both of us if we just stopped seeing each other. I’m nothing but trouble and you deserve so much better.”