Hello Fascination

The new destination to which I was approaching currently was a mystery to me. I wasn’t being informed nor being treated with any sense of respect. I was heaved up a few flights of stairs which is the furthest away from my cell I’d ever been since I’d unwillingly resided here. I was unable to express any clear gestures of being slightly happy to being in a new environment – not matter how alike it was to the environment a few floors below – due to the previous injuries and contusions that had been caused not even five minutes ago.

Eventually, after having the straitjacket strapped back onto me, I was thrown into a room. Fortunately, the collision with the ground inflicted no pain as it was a soft texture. I later realised that it almost felt sponge-like and then assumed that it was a soft cell. Considering there were no lights on, it was hard to tell for certain, but when everything you touch has a delicate surface, it’s hard to assume otherwise.

Through much effort without my arms, I managed to place myself in an upright position sat against the soft wall. The fact that I’d been forced into this padded cell wasn’t the most unnerving notion at this moment. The contemplation of whether or not I was to be bound here permanently was the main thought that was troubling me.

Only moments later after my new abiding in the cell, the lights flickered on slowly making my eyes squeeze shut. I blinked a few times to adjust to the light and suddenly became certain that this was in fact a soft cell. I heard a lot of odd noises sounding from outside of my cell. Clinking, banging, beeping. After one long and final buzz, the huge metallic door opened slowly.

Audrey stood at the entrance and was staring down at me on the floor. I shouldn’t have been surprised to see that she’d come to check up on me. I’d grown to somewhat enjoy Audrey’s company and I felt as if the feelings were mutual. The relationship was complicated and awkward on her part, but I always wondered whether or not it’d be different if it wasn’t so closely watched by burdening eyes. Audrey’s relationship with her job was far more superior to the relationship we shared. I’d also like to point out that my relationship with my job is also far too superior to have any romantic feelings towards Audrey. I don’t want any false pretences being formed merely because I stated that I enjoyed her company. You see, I like Audrey – but I love my job. There’s a complete difference. In the eyes of many, I’m incapable of loving (in a none platonic way) and it could be true. I felt as if I couldn’t physically desire another in a loving way. However, I apologise in advance if I’ve made incorrect theories.

“Thank you,” Audrey hushed as she knelt down beside me. I refrained from saying anything. I was still slightly bewildered as to why I actually felt compelled to protect Audrey. I didn’t want anyone to kill her because then I’d have to be transferred to another doctor. Audrey seemed like a one in a million kind of psychiatrist, so it’d be highly unlikely that I’d be paired with another likeable shrink. “That was a really nice thing you did for me, whether you’re willing to accept these feelings of gratitude or not. I’m only sorry that I couldn’t have done more to help you in the consequence of your actions. I can only hope you weren’t as badly hurt as it looked like you were – but judging by the looks of you, my hope doesn’t succeed.”

Silence consumed when I continued to refuse to speak back. It wasn’t just because I felt awkward for having to say anything. It was also because I felt physically fatigued. I had just been beaten profusely so it’s understandable. “Are you going to speak to me, Joker? If you’re not going to speak, there really isn’t any point of me being here, is there? Maybe I should just leave you alone to wallow in your own sad bubble.”

“My own sad bubble?” I questioned darkly. “My own sad bubble? It’s your fault that I’m here in the first place, you stupid little – never mind. I’d have thought you’d be a little more grateful than this, Audrey. I just virtually saved your life and now you’re acting as if I’m the one not treating you right. What is it that you want me to say, hmm? I’ve shown an act of kindness; that’s a major breakthrough! You should be happy if anything! Just get me out of this cell and return the favour, okay? It’s only fair. I haven’t actually done anything wrong here.”

“I’ve tried – trust me. I told them what you were trying to do, but they’re still sceptic. At this moment in time, they hardly believe a word I say. They’re beginning to think that I’m becoming somewhat of accomplice to you, which is preposterous. After the incident in the last session – the kiss I mean – they were a little less than happy. I warned you about the CCTV cameras, so therefore they saw everything. I’ve been lectured relentlessly about how close this relationship is getting and they’re worried that I may be forming an obsession. A lot of psychiatrists can lose their mind that way. Some even commit suicide. They threatened to transfer you to another psychiatrist and part of me thinks that it may be a good idea.”

I rolled my eyes as I licked my lips and looked away from her. She said she loved her patients. But if sacrificing some of her patients meant keeping her job, she’d gladly do it. I was far too exhausted to argue with her. I completely disagreed with her ideas of exchanging patients with another doctor, but in the end she’s not affecting anyone but herself. She’s the one who’d be giving up on a patient. She’s the one who was once so determined to cure me. There was no need to argue with her. She’d soon see how unbeneficial her move would be. Letting me go would be giving up and thus gives Wendy a better chance at retrieving what it is she’s aiming for.

“What, you’re not even going to disagree with me?” Audrey asked after a moment of silence. “Do you agree with me – is that it? In all honesty, I’d have thought you’d show a little more enthusiasm through fight. I must have misjudged you and the relationship we share...or maybe you’re just not talking to me in general. You don’t have to be ashamed you know – just because you did a good deed.”

“And that’s the only good deed I’ll do, I assure you. One good deed for life. I can die happily now, knowing for certain that I’m going to heaven. Now, if there really isn’t anything you can do to repay me for this good deed, if you’ll gladly leave now, I’d be most obliged. Nice knowing ya, doc. It’s been fun,” I murmured, dripping with venomous satire.

“Oh, so that’s how you’re going to act, huh? You’re going to sulk? I don’t know what I’ve done or said to you to upset you so; but I’ll apologise anyway. And maybe I can’t get you out of here just yet, but you should be grateful over the fact that I’ve given thought about you and showed consideration to how you’re feeling. Any other person would have ignored you.”

When I still refused to say anything useful, Audrey pulled out a tissue from her coat pocket. Her arm stretched out towards my face. Naturally, my first instinct was to back away, however there’s only a limited amount of room for me to be able to move back into. I couldn’t shove her arm away seeing as my arms were a little constrained. Without being able to attempt to escape her any further, she placed the tissue underneath my nose and began rubbing away at the blood. I hadn’t even realised it was bleeding until she first pulled away the tissue; stained with drying blood.

“I hope that’s a clean tissue.”

“It was. Certainly isn’t now,” she retorted as she placed the tissue down besides her. “Is there any other injuries you want me to speculate? You seemed to get badly beaten back then and once again, I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything to prevent it.”

“One of them, uh, kicked me pretty hard in the ribs – I think that one of them might be broken,” I replied, remembering the harsh collision to my side. Immediately after, Audrey was unfastening the straps on my straitjacket. She pulled the whole thing off and flung it aside.

“Which side is hurting?” She asked.

“My left,” I replied as I motioned towards it with my hand. Slowly she pushed my scrub top up, brushing her hand along my stomach in the process. Still holding the top up, she brought her other hand to my side. Her fingertips gently trailed my ribs and instant goosebumps began to form from the light tickling sensation. In a motion that resembled a spider’s legs, her fingers gently crawled upwards. I shivered violently at the odd feeling and the hairs on my arms began stand up. The motion actually seemed sensually arousing in a weird way and even though we weren’t making eye contact, I knew she felt the same vibe. However, the odd but pleasant feeling disappeared when she reached the specific spot that had caused me pain. I flinched abruptly at the contrasting of the positive and negative sensations.

“Is that where it hurts?” She questioned as she did smooth circles around the painful area. Her wide eyes were now looking up into mine. I nodded quickly. I hissed when she added more pressure to the spot, thoroughly examining the rib. “I don’t think it’s broken. It may be cracked or just bruised. I’ll have someone bandage it up for you or I’ll do it later. I don’t think it’s anything to worry about to be honest. These things usually heal fairly quickly, but we’ll see what happens in the next week. I’ll have the nurses prescribe you with a painkiller daily, just to ease the pain. There’s probably going to be a huge bruise on your side actually. But there’s no need to –”

“Audrey, you talk too much,” I interrupted.

“What?” Whether it was because of the previous oddly, erotic gestures with her hands or the fact that her eyes seemed to express somewhat of a passionate desire, I suddenly felt an animalistic yearning for physical contact. Her wide brown irises seemed to burn with almost a sense of longing and I couldn’t refrain from wanting to touch her. I placed my hand to the back of her head and tried pulling her towards me. “No, please don’t do that again,” she exclaimed as she pushed me away. I have to admit, I was shocked. I’d clearly judged her wrong. I blamed the profuse injuries to the head for having such lewd bodily cravings and for judging Audrey’s wants incorrectly. My mood instantly deflated after being rejected again. “Joker – I don’t want you,” she started sternly. “Haven’t I already told you how dangerous this relationship could be? I’ve already said that I’m already on the verge of losing my job and I sincerely don’t want that. Believe me, I’m flattered by your gestures, but you’ve got to understand that it just won’t work between us. It’s morally incorrect. Not only am I abiding by the rules of Arkham, but you also seem to be forgetting that I’m married. I don’t want you coming between that marriage and destroying it. If you’re going to continue acting this way towards me, I don’t want to have to treat you anymore. It’s best that we stop our sessions before your obsession with me expands into something bigger, more vulgar and more lethal.”

“There are several things wrong with your statement. How long are you going to keep your charade up? You’re trying to fool yourself into thinking that you don’t want me, but you can’t keep that up forever. Every human being craves affection and by the sounds of it, your husband neglects this duty because you’re much too interested in your own job. Therefore you resort to me, considering I satisfy the criteria for both your work and an object of affection. And who cares about morality? It seems to me that that was thrown out of the window before the sessions even started. You have to understand that I’m not a guy who cares for any morals, so anything where I’m concerned will probably be immoral. I’m not the one who will be coming between your marriage and destroying it. It’ll only be destroyed if you let it be. If you truly love this person that you’re with, you’d stop at nothing to prevent it from being destroyed. If you do choose to give me up, then you’re not fooling anyone but yourself. You’ll be putting shame to this love for your job that you have by quitting me. And lastly, who said I had an obsession? The obsession’s mutual if anything. Obsession? What a joke.”

“Well, in every joke – there’s an element of truth.” Audrey stood up soon after and opened the cell door. “Have someone bandage up his ribs and then take him back to his cell,” she ordered someone from outside. I sighed heavily in exasperation. I didn’t know whether to be angry at her or not. In all honesty, I didn’t want her to leave me, but I was just much too proud to admit it to her. It’d probably emphasise her theory about my obsession with her. And also her other theory about the jokes. A joke may be just a way of disguising true thoughts and emotions, whether it is subconscious or deliberate.