Sometimes, You Get What You Want.

2:23 am

I have been up since 9 pm.

I haven't moved from my spot on this window since my last bathroom break.

That was at 9:15 pm.

What am I doing?

I'm waiting for my boyfriend to get home.

Today is Friday.

It's always the same.

He will go out, and come back late.

Very late.

He says he is with his other four friends.

Then how come they are home with their own girlfriends treating them like I want to be treated by him.

Why are they home loving the woman that occupy their lives?

I on the other hand am worrying my heart out because my boyfriend is cheating on me with a different girl every night?

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5:41 am

Yeah, I'm still up.

I usually don't go to sleep until I am sure he got home safely.

That's usually around now.

I guess he is taking longer today.

His whore probably held him up.

Am I not good enough for him?

I always knew him choosing me instead of one the girls throwing themselves at him was too good to be true.

He is a rock star for crying out loud!

I fucking hate Brian sometimes.

Sometimes.

=========================================================

6:13

If I keep this up, I may just be able to see California's amazing sun set!

Yeah. I'm trying to find excuses that will justify my lack of sleep.

I heard keys jingling and I noticed I had zoned out, therefore I hadn't noticed Brian's Escalade pull up at the drive-way, where it was now.

That meant he was finally here.

I slowly stood up so my legs could get used to the feeling of my weight on them.

My black soft thick curls fell on my back as I stretched far back, sitting for almost ten hours leaves you feeling numb.

As I was doing this I heard the door slam open and sloppy footsteps inside.

Piss drunk. Again.

"You're up already?"

"No."

"Don't play stupid with me!"

"I'm not. I haven't slept, so I can't have gotten up, when I never layed down." I answered finally turning to look at him.

I slowly took in his tacky appearance.

That's not how he left.

And even though he looked like shit.

There was something about him, maybe it was the eyes of love.

He had a royal purple long-sleeved collar shirt, half of it was untucked, and the other half was shoved in hastily.

His black, ripped at the knees black pants were unzipped, and all of his 3 belts were undone.

His face was smeared with make-up. Not his though.

Unless he started using red-lipstick and didn't tell me.

He took this the wrong way.

He smirked and made his way towards me, breathing in my face.

Fucking bitch. He reeks of alcohol.

He trapped me against the wall, both of his arms beside my face, pinning me there.

He looked at my lips, licked his, and forcefully attached his to mine.

Too much. This is too much!

His lips were just on someone else, I feel filthy.

I pushed him away. Which obviously surprised him because he loosened his grip, letting me get away.

"What the hell is wrong with you Karen!"

"I can't take this anymore!" I sobbed.

He simply rolled his eyes, we have had this conversation many times.

"Yeah, yeah, yet you don't leave now do you? I must be doing something right if you're still with me." he stated dismissively.

"right? Doing something fucking right? Brian Elwin Motherfucking Haner Jr! You ain't doing shit right! I-I- I FUCKING HATE YOU!"

"Guess what? I hate you too bitch!" the stinging sensation on my cheek made me snap my attention to his enraged face.

He hit me?

HE FUCKING HIT ME!

I just cried, and cried, I guess that annoyed him.

I felt a strong grip on my hair, and then I was lifted off the ground.

I doubled over in pain when his fist connected with my jaw, then my cheek, and so on on different parts of my body.

This has never happened before.

I guess he really hates me.

"I hope you learn not to fuck with me Kay! Sometimes I just wish you would leave me the fuck alone!" he hissed shoving me against the wall and heading towards the bed.

I buried my face on my arms and sobbed quietly. His breathing began to even out.

He finally fell asleep.

I walked over to out nightstand, grabbed a glass, filled it to the rim with water and set two Advil's for when he woke up.

========================================================

I had finished taking a shower, with much difficulty, I think he broke something.

This brought tears to my eyes again.

Isn't the one you love, and the one that claims to love you supposed to treat you like a delicate glass?

I had disinfected all the gashes and cuts he left, and now it was time to dress.

I opted for simple clothes, that covered my injured body.

I applied concealer and all that stuff to hide my bruises and gashes.

Now, it was time to do what I was supposed to do a long time ago.

========================================================

I had managed to pack all of my belongings into one suitcase, he could keep anything else we bought together, and all the stuff for the house. His new girl may enjoy them.

I grabbed a pen, and a sheet of paper from th nearby drawer, here goes nothing.

A couple of tears managed to make their way to the paper in which my letter was written.

I placed on the nightstand, next to the pills and water.

Taking one last look at my surroundings I hauled my suit case to my Cadillac and sped off, hopefully this pain will stop being so bad.

Hopefully.
===========================================================

**_** Brian's POV **_**

I woke up at around noon/1 pm with a killer headache, symptoms of a huge hangover. There were two things that were different from every other day though.

1. My knuckles were killing me!
Maybe I got in a drunken fight with someone yesterday, cuz I can't remember shit!

2. Karen, my girlfriend of 3 years wasn't by my side like she always is.

I slowly sat up in bed and as I did I saw a glass full of water and some pills beside it.

I smiled knowing my Karen had done that.

Sometimes I wonder what I've done to deserve her. And 'till this day, I still can't come up with something.

I remember no one wanted her to be with me, not even her brother, and my best friend, slash, band mate, Matt.

But she stood up for our relationship, and stayed with me.

I smiled reminiscing how she beat the hell out of Matt for saying the truth, that I was a and I quote, 'pussy licking man-whore'.

A piece of paper resting on the night stand catched my attention.

I would recognize that handwriting everywhere. Plus the hearts she always incorporated in whatever she wrote always gave it away. It was Karen's handwriting.

I felt my heart pounding against my chest, this wasn't good.

♥Brian,

I want you to know I loved you. Hell I'm pretty sure I still do. But deep inside, I know I'm not supposed too. Sometimes I regret not listening to Matt and Val. After all they knew you more than me, they knew what I was getting myself into. Anyways, I want you to be happy, and from what you told me today, I'm not part of your happiness. Therefore I came to the conclusion that even though this will break my heart, I should leave. Either way, a heart break was anticipated. If I stayed with you, I would have to endure more pain from knowing you have always cheated on me. I love you, and don't worry, I won't tell my brother what you did to me. God knows Matt would kill you, and I love you too much to let that happen to you. I will always love you, and sorry for fucking up your life. I will now, 'leave you the fuck alone.'

P.S: When you find the one you love, I will pray she doesn't kill your heart like you did to mine.

XOXO

♥Karen Sanders

As I finished reading the letter, the tears ran freely from my eyes.

She had left me, and I didn't even remember why!

What had I done to her that would make Matt want to kill me?

Most importantly, what the hell did I say?

I kept pondering until I heard someone pounding on my front door.

I grimaced at the pain moving caused to my head, but made my way downstairs anyways.

I unlocked the door, and it was pushed open by whoever the intruder was.

"Dammit Syn! You are supposed to be taking care of her you fucking dick head!" this was followed by a punch to my nose. I'm betting all my money, it's broken.

And what the hell is wrong with the Sanders?

First Karen leaves me, and I don't know why.

Now, Matt is beating the hell out of me, and I have no fucking idea why!

"Matt, baby calm down!"

He backed away after hearing Val speak. I shot her a grateful look, and was about to scream at Shads when I saw something I never thought I would.

Matt Sanders, M. Shadows, my best friend Shads had tears in his hazel eyes.

"Dude, what's wrong?" I asked, so quietly because something told me the reason wasn't good.

"Kay" he chocked out.

"Kay? What's wrong with her? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH MY KAREN SHADS!" I screamed ignoring the pain it caused.

"Calm down dude."

"How the fuck do you want me to calm down Zacky! What's wrong with Karen?!"

"She's in the hospital." I snapped my head towards Johnny, praying I had heard him incorrectly.

'She, what?"

"She was speeding, and a drunk driver hit her, they don't know if she will make it." clarified Jimmy as Matt started sobbing again, while Val was hugging onto him, tears filling her eyes too.

"What kind of car hit her?"

Please be a fucking beetle, please be a fucking beetle, please be a fuc--

"A Hummer."

"Fuck!"

I ran upstairs, and took a very, very, very quick shower, knowing I reeked of beer.

I changed into whatever I found and rushed downstairs.

"Let's go, I want to see her!"

After I said this, Matt, who was still sobbing, perked up and rushed out the door.

Everyone piled on into his SUV and without making sure everyone had closed the doors, he sped off.

===============================================================

"Room 529"

After the nurse said that we all ran towards the nearest elevator, ignoring the nasty glares we got from nearby people.

529, it spells out Kay, freaky.

As soon as the elevator arrived, we squished out, all of us at the same time, amazingly being able to do so.

The room was right in front, and I rushed inside, to be met by the most painful sight ever.

She looked beyond dead.

Cuts adorned her beautiful face, her eyes were staring back at us without life, begging God to end everything. But something told me it wasn't so much physical pain the one that was killing her.

"Oh God sis!" sobbed Matt running towards her.

She flinched as he came in contact with her, probably from the pain.

Everyone took their turns talking and all that shit, while I stayed behind.

"Guys, would you mind stepping out? I want to talk to Kay.:"

Matt was about to protest but Val cut him off by dragging him out. The others followed.

"Kay?"

She turned her head towards the window, and I could see her shaking, she was crying.

As I examined her closely, I noticed she had cuts and bruises that couldn't have been made by the accident, they looked like she had gotten...in a fight--

Oh dear God!

It all made sense!

That's what I did top her!

That's why my knuckles were killing me!

I hit Karen!

"I-I, I- did that didn't I?" I asked running my fingers along a bruise in the form of a fist that was on her cheek.

"You think?" she croaked looking at me with her once filled with life hazel eyes.

"Look, I'm, I'm sorry." I stuttered.

I noticed the machines were beeping rapidly, and she was breathing with much difficulty.

"Kay, Karen? Please don't-"

"Your wish just came true Haner, I will finally leave you the fuck alone." she choked.

Everything stopped, everything was in slow motion.

The machines stopped beeping rapidly, it was now a long, non- breaking beep. Her eyes rolled back, and her breathing stopped. I think my heart stopped too when the memories came back.

I rememembered my words, "Guess what? I hate you too bitch!"

After that I slapped her, I fucking hit her!

I rememberred her face mixed with shock and hurt, afterall that was the first time I lifted my had towards her.

I could hear the doctors rushing in, pulling me out. Matt's pained scream, and then his collision wioth the ground as he sobbed for his little sister.

everyone else felt pain, but not as much as mine.

"I hope you learn not to fuck with me Kay! Sometimes I just wish you would leave me the fuck alone!"

She was dead.

She did leave the fuck alone.

But what I thought I wanted wasn't really what I wanted.

Now I realize I loved her, my way, but deep inside I did.

But I lost her.

I let one last tear fall.

That should be me, not her.

What you think you want is not always what you really want.

Trust me.