Month of Grey

Sunlight broke in through the curtains causing me to open my eyes. Rubbing the morning crust out of my eyes, I glanced around the bedroom I was in. The bedroom door was closed shut. Closet doors open, with a mess of clothes all around on the floor. The scent of the room seemed to familiar yet, so foreign.

Propping myself up on my elbows I took a better glance at the room. I found my clothes and many more scattered around the bed. An acoustic guitar laid neatly in the corner. It’s obvious it gets used a lot.

There was a body next to mine, but I failed to see the face. The person had there face barred into the pillow, there arms wrapped under it.

Whoever it was I did not want to know who it was. Silently getting up and sitting up, one by one I found different pieces of my clothing. It wasn’t until I was throwing on my jacket I found out who it was. Ryan Ross.

I gasped soon as he looked at me I hesitated for a second and then ran towards the door. He didn’t bother to chase after me. He already knew he couldn’t catch me. I was a pro at this. He knew it, it was useless.

Ryan and I go back a long way. I couldn’t even tell you when it started, but we became close friends, well more like sweet hearts. Even after him and Jon created The Young Veins, I was there. I never believed although those coke rumors. If it was true, I’d want Ryan to tell me himself.

Well, he didn’t need to tell me, I saw it. Accidentally walking into a room at club, I saw him. So disappointed I walked away never giving him an excuse for leaving.

Ever since then I can’t look at him, talk to him, or about him, nothing. I don’t want anything to do with someone like that. It’s been 3 years.

“Lore, he’s different now,” said Brendon. After running away from Ryan’s place of course I run straight to Brendon’s we always got along, in an odd way. We just have a great understanding of each other.

“I don’t care.”

“Come on Lore, he doesn’t do coke, he just plays music like when him and Jon were apart of Panic,” he said, attempting for me to give in.

“Brendon I know your trying hard, but I slept with him, wasn’t that enough?”
“Ha-ha. No, I have his number call him.”

“Why are you trying to hard to get us together?” I questioned.

Brendon just smiled at me, “Because your in love.”

My eyes almost popped out, “Where would you get an idea like that?”

“Lore, come on, you two were more than sweethearts, seriously, everyone but you two saw it, well Ryan did but--”

“What?” I interjected.

“Well, then you know you got mad at him which I don’t blame you but you have to understand, he’s not the same.”

“It doesn’t matter.” I shook my head.

“I just can’t figure you out,” said Brendon.

“There’s nothing about me to figure out.” I said puzzled.

“Yes, there is. You change you mind constantly, you don’t even know what you want. Your pushing Ryan away. Because your scared.”

“I’m scared?” I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah you are. Now your just using Ryan and your’s past as an excuse not to get close to him. Because you’d have to let him in, you’d have to trust him. Admit it, your scared.”

“That’s the biggest fucking lie I’ve ever heard.” I disagreed. Mainly because he was right. Everything he said was right. I didn’t intend to let him win this argument though.

“Whatever Lore,” smirked Brendon before leaving out the bedroom door.

I sighed before laying back on my bed. Brendon was right. Admitting he was right was just not me. I’m always right and never believe what people tell me. He makes a good point.

I change my mind so fast.

I ended up falling asleep. When something hitting my window woke me up.

“I swear Brendon if that’s--” I started talking to myself before I opened my window to see Ryan the one with pebbles in his hand.

“What do you want?” I whispered loudly. It was pitch black out. I could barley make out Ryan’s frame. I knew it was him.

“I need to talk to you.” I closed the window back up before grabbing a sweatshirt and walking outside.

“That’s what you sleep in?” grinned Ryan. I was wearing an oversized T shirt with sweat pants.

Ignoring his comment I spoke, “What do you want?”

“I know you want nothing to do with me. You just need to listen okay? Don’t talk and don’t runaway.” He emphasized the ‘don’t runaway.' Guess he did know me better than anyone else. Because I would. Like every other time.

“Okay.” I agreed.

“I know you don’t like the person I was before. Now, though, I’m different. I knew it all along, but I want you. Before you even think of a reason to deny me, keep listening.” I nodded my head for him to continue.

“You want me just as bad as I want you. Lore just stop running away from me okay? I know it’s not like you. You want to runaway. You say one thing then do another. This will be hard, for both of us, but give us a chance.”

Before I could even think about all this in my head his hands were on my face and his slightly cool lips brushed against mine. I swear sparks went off. Butterflies swirled in my stomach. His lips pulled away and he looked at me with an unsure smile on his face. I wanted so bad to runaway from him. To deny myself another chance at love and Ryan.

I couldn’t.

I entwined our hands before bringing him back inside the house and up to my room with him. We laid down silently on the bed and just laid there. Arms wrapped around each other, all right with each other, finally.