I Hate to Love You

I'm lying on top of my bed, it's 6AM. God only knows why I'm up this early. Yuu Stack...She's an interesting girl. She's definitely not like Estella Brown, the prostitute-wannabe from the year above. She's nothing like all the other girls I have seen at school, they just cower away from me. She has decency, unlike most girls who wear skirts so short it appears as if they weren't wearing any at all. I reached for the pack of smokes beside my bed, then stopped."Aw, f**k it." I muttered out loud. I can't be bothered to smoke now. I closed my eyes and thought of what Katy said last night. She told me she was delighted that I had spoken to someone - She was even more thrilled that the fact I had spoken to a girl. Katy thinks speaking to people other than family is good for my 'Psychiatric Recovery'. If only she could see that the memories I hold have cut more deeply than that - So deeply that nothing I know could heal it. She's the nicest Foster Mom I've had, most people called her crazy for taking me in. But her husband Tom was more than delighted to see me walk through the front gate for the first time I sat up looked around. Same old room, same old dismal life. It's not that I don't like Katy and Tom, it's just...I don't know. The fact that my bedroom is black and white themed makes it a bit worse. The only colored thing I've got in my room is my red Green Day poster I got up and looked at myself in the full-length mirror. I'm far from any of the guys at school. They're all physically fit with sun-kissed skin, or stunning features. I can understand why Estella Brown has screwed half of them. But me...I was just a skinny white kid - Who wore guy-liner. What's the problem with guy-liner? Pete Wentz, Billie-Joe Armstrong and Brian Molko wear it. I heard a knock at my door."Jake? Are you up?" I heard a voice say from outside the door. It was Katy."Yeah, but don't come in. I wanna be alone." I sighed gruffly. As much as I love Katy, I just don't wanna talk to anyone right now."Oh...Right." She said quietly. I heard footsteps get gradually quieter - She must've walked off. I walked over to the window and looked out. Yuu...She's the only person I've properly talked to at school in the 3 Years that I've been there. She could be the first friend I'll have, if she really is as nice as she was yesterday.

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Yet another day at Lincoln High begins...Oh great, there's the doofus crew, consisting of every guy that has ever shouted abuse to me. Great. "Emo f*g." Eddie, the one that always wears a beanie laughed. "Douche bag." Ben, the golden blond shouted at me I looked to my left, away from the doofus crew. There was Yuu with her friend Amiee...Or was it Gabby? I can't remember. I've never spoken to her. Yuu was laughing gleefully at whatever her friend had said. Her outfit today is very Twilight themed . I must remember to read the books one day. "Go cry in your corner, Emo kid." Eddie laughed at me again. He's been saying the same things to me every time he shouts abuse at me. You'd have thought he'd have come up with new stuff. Wrong."Yeah, you ashtray." Kyle, the brunette one shouted at me. Just move along Jake, they haven't a clue of what you've seen. I walked past Yuu towards where the Advanced Math Room meets the Main Hall. I noticed she was looking at me. "What are you looking at? EW! You're looking at the Demonator!" I heard her friend say. Huh, the Demonator. I sound like some sort of comic-book villain. Yuu didn't break her gaze with me, despite the fact that her friend was desperately trying to get her attention. I retreated to a nearby corner and lit up a cig. Only 17 and I smoke on the school grounds. You'd have thought my ass would've been busted by now. Wrong. This school takes every regular offense lightly and because of that A) I can smoke anywhere outside. B) Estella Brown can screw with anyone on the school premises and C) Proper face-deforming fights occur everyday without even being noticed. I can see Yuu from here, she's still talking to her friend whose name escapes me. Such a nice girl, I wonder why she hasn't got a boyfriend yet. She's naturally pretty, she doesn't act like a prostitute, her smile is gorgeous and - ...Oh s**t, am I falling for her? I can't be! I took a deep drag. I can't be falling for Yuu Stack. I was the emo kid, I was the Demonator, I was the stupid ashtray...I was Jake Maxi, the scary kid that hated life. I can't fall for someone as delicate and beautiful as Yuu...Oh crap.

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I'm early for Math, as per usual. There's nothing better to do with my life. I hope Yuu's early today she's nice to talk to. I barely know her, I've been near her twice and I've spoken to her
once - And I'm falling for her. Life is so god-damned confusing sometimes. Moments later, Yuu walked in. She was nervously picking at her stubby nails. She must bite them for them to be that short, all the other girls have enormous and fake ones. "Uh...I guess I'm early today, again." She said quietly. "I guess you are." I replied. She looks terribly frightened today. She took her seat next to me. "So, how was your night last night?" Yuu asked politely. Wow, common interest. "It was okay, except for the fact it was raining all night. How was yours?" I replied with a very slight smile. I lack the muscles to smile most of the time. I smile about...5 or 6 times a day? Something like that, anyway. "That's good. How are you getting on with the Advanced Algebra?" I asked Yuu. I should help her sometime with her Math...But that would involve me going 'round to her house and showing her. "Not very good, it's so complicated." She sighed and bit her lip. Maybe I should ask... "Do you want me to help you with it? I understand it enough to teach someone." I suggested.. "Oh, yeah, I'd love that. When could you help me?" She replied with a warm smile. Such a pretty smile Wow, that was easier than expected. "Anytime that is best for you. I have no plans at all - Ever." I said to Yuu.. Katy has always told me that women are the most important things in your life - Always put them first. Unless, of course, they're strippers like Estella. Yuu got out a piece of paper and a pencil and started to write on it. "Um could you come over tomorrow night at 7? Here's my house number and street." She explained as she handed me the piece of paper. Number 43, Letts Road. "Okay, I can make that." I said. Good, I really need help with this subject." Yuu smiled at me. I swear her smile could cheer up even the saddest of people. "I'll be sure to be a good teacher and make it understandable." I said."That's great!" She smiled enthusiastically "I-I mean that's great that it's easy to understand." Yuu blushed faintly. She's utter perfection... "Um, okay..." I pursed my lips, slightly confused at her random excitement. "My friend Jamie thinks you're gonna kill me." Yuu laughed. Me? A murderer? That's just crazy. I mean, I know I look as hostile as a cat that has just been dropped in the toilet, but seriously?! "...That's a bit weird." I commented."Oh, don't worry, Jamie's a naturally strange person - In a good way," Yuu smiled. That must explain why she thought I'd kill Yuu."Let me just get my books out." She added a few seconds later. Yuus such a beautiful girl. Katy has warned me on the effects of love and who you choose to fall for, but you can't really control it Yuu picked up a big black bag with brown handles, obviously her school bag. She rifled through it, looking for her books. She pulled out a pile of books and slapped them on the table and shoved her bag on the floor. "That's a lot of books." I commented. We're only in the class for an hour and a half, that's gotta be a good 3 hours worth of books. "I'm only using a couple of them for this lesson." Yuu explained. Still, a lot of books. "Right. I only need one book for a lesson." I said. "That's nice, fast worker?" Yuu asked. Ha, I bet I seem like a geek to her. "Yeah, but I'm not a geek." I laughed. Wow, I laughed.
That's an irregular event.