Don't Be Scared, It's Only Love...

Charlotte's POV

From that morning on, Jordan Staal and I were best friends. Don't ask me how it happened because I have no idea. He went from being this tall, blonde stranger I watched on t.v. to this guy who I couldn't go a day without talking to on the phone or video chatting with. &, as if I weren't facing enough hell from myself for being involved with him, whatever kind of involvement it was, my sister was laying it on me.

"So, how's Jordan, Char?" Jenny asked teasingly, pulling me out of my thoughts. How ironic that she brought this up right as I was thinking of it. I averted my eyes and sighed.

"Oh shut it, will you?" I said, exasperated. "So me and Jord are friends, why are you making it a big deal?!"

"Oh please, friends? You don't even see it do you? You don't even realize?" Jenny asked wildly, her eyes searching mine in confusion. I furrowed my brow.

"Realize what, exactly?" I queried, my mind on overdrive at the possibilities.

"Did you stop and think, Char? This is the first guy you've let in since..... since everything." She mumbled quietly. I swallowed the lump in my throat that formed as she said this.

"I guess I didn't realize." I murmured softly, my eyes cast downward in shame. I changed the subject quickly. "So, you and Sid the Kid, eh?"

That got her off my back. Her blush almost lit up the room. It was her turn to avert her eyes and my turn to ask the questions.

"Uh- uhm, well, I.... what?" she asked, flustered. I laughed quietly to myself before smiling a genuine smile. In front of me stood my sister at her happiest- when she was talking or thinking about Sidney; I couldn't help but be happy for her happiness.

"How’s that thing you two have going on going?" I questioned. She smiled lightly, her eyes staring off in space.

"He"s like, perfect, you know? When he smiles it makes me smile and talking to him makes me happy," she said breathlessly. But then a frown snuck onto her face and she sighed. "But we're just friends."

"Doesn't seem that way to me," I put in. She laughed hollowly in reply. "I mean, I think he genuinely likes you as more than a friend, Jen."

"No, no. Don't. Just don't go putting false hope in my head." She said, irritated. I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, stop being so damn dramatic." I growled. She narrowed her eyes.

"Oh, look Charlotte the bitch is back. I thought Jordan tamed her."

"Fuck you. I try to be a supportive sister and you go all pathetic on me. What if I told you that you have no chance with Sidney?! He has a girlfriend for Lord's sake! I tried to be nice but I can't when you act like a pitiful, helpless little child!" I screamed at her. I don’t even know why I was so mad.

Her blue eyes twinkled with tears. I felt guilt hold my heart. She swallowed repeatedly and opened her mouth like she was trying to speak. Finally, her voice came out in a low, dull whisper.

"I don't need you to pity me and shower me with your little reassurances. You don't think I know? You think I'm that naïve? I know he has a girlfriend, I know I have no chance. But I can't just give up. Because unlike you, I don't push away someone when I love them, I try as hard as I can and I never let go. You'd think you would've learned from Chase, right? You'd think you would've known not to push Jordan away like you did to Chase." She retorted, quietly but harshly.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Opening them only to find them sparkling with tears. She had gone too far this time. I shook my head in anger and remorse.

"You had no right to bring him into this conversation, Jennifer." I said shakily.

I turned and walked out of our kitchen and across the hall to my room. I laid on my bed and stared up at the ceiling, my eyes soaking in the simplicity of the white, smooth ceiling. Why is life so hard? Why did Chase have to die without knowing that I loved him? Why did I bottle up my feelings for so long? And why, dear god, [why did Jordan Staal have to be the one to show me that I can still love?
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Jenny’s POV

My sister can be a bitch; & she can be rude, insincere, selfish, annoying, bratty, cynical, temperamental, infuriating, belittling, degrading, insulting, etc. But she's one person who I knew almost never gives into sadness. So when that first tear fell, I knew I was the one in the wrong. Sure she started yelling first, but I went too far. I knew Chase was still a sore subject and he always would be, no matter how many years passed.

It hurt when she said I had no chance with Sidney, but it also cleared my head. What was I doing? I was trying and hoping to get involved with a guy who was already involved. I called Sidney to set the record straight, because I wanted to be friends and he had to know how I felt.

"Hey J," he answered cheerfully on the third ring. I smiled in spite of myself.

"Hey Sid, how're things?" I asked to be polite. I heard a slight chuckle on the other end.

"What's the matter Jenny?" he asked, concern and humor in his voice. My eyes widened and my mouth hung open. How in the world did he know something was wrong? After a few seconds of no reply from me, he continued. "It's your voice."

Could he read minds?

"Uhhhh..... look, I called to set some things straight." I said, matter-of-factly, after getting over the initial shock.

"Alright, go ahead then," he encouraged, and I could almost see his lighthearted smile. I took a deep breath.

"I really like you Sid, more than I should. I had a talk with Char and well, it ended in lots of crying and yelling. We got into a really big fight. Actually, I feel really bad about- wait, not the point. Okay, back on track. Charlotte basically opened my eyes that I have no chance with you. I knew it too I just... couldn't let go, I wanted to hope that you would like me, somehow. But now I really, truly realize nothing is going to happen with us, but I still want to be friends Sid, I really do. So, if you could just push aside everything I said and accept my invitation at a completely platonic, non-awkward friendship I would be delighted," I said as quickly as I could, tripping up some words and ending it very awkwardly. I mean, delighted? Who even says that?

For about a minute, all I heard was silence. Then a deep breath as Sid began to reply.

"Jenny... I don't know what to say. I'm flattered but... Maggie, well, I love her. I'm sorry. We can still be friends of course, but... I can't promise there will be no awkwardness." He replied quietly. I let a tear slip past as he said this. It really let the reality sink in.

"Its fine, thank you Sidney," I mumbled, not even sure if he heard me, before hanging up.

I could hear my sister’s sobs coming from inside her room. I felt like the world was falling apart and it was all my fault.